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    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Dec 5, 2009, 04:09 PM
    New poem
    Look at what I've done to her.
    Look at how I've made her cry.
    Knowing it would happen and going on anyway,
    Tears me up inside.
    Look at what I've done to her.
    Look at how I made her cry.
    It breaks my heart to know,
    That now I have to tell her goodbye.
    Look at what I've done to her.
    Look at how I've made her cry.

    -paige
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #2

    Dec 5, 2009, 10:19 PM

    Most of this poem is made up of 2 lines: "look at what i've done to her, look at how i've made her cry." I suggest not repeating this line, since this is a poem not a song, and replacing them with something to add more emotion.
    jazzysoswaggy's Avatar
    jazzysoswaggy Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #3

    Feb 23, 2012, 05:35 PM
    I agree with jaime90 because I think It needs more details. When I read this the first time it was like OK OK OK you've made her cry OK OK OK . But otherwise in think it's a very good poem just add some ore details.
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