Could you help me with my Sonnet. This is my first attempt at one and I need to recite it at my upcoming wedding. Any advice or recommendations would be GREATLY appreciated!!

Thanks,
Stephen


I now here stand in front of you and all,
Providing thou my deep and truest vow.
No matter when or where our lives befall,
To always keep these words I utter now.

Although we only have but shortly known,
Our souls both knew a close connection past.
And since agree this love has more than grown
Into something that will forever last.

This lasting feeling brought us both to here.
Where I stand proud before you ready be
Through times of good or bad, through gloom or cheer,
To join my life with yours as family.

So I hereby now pledge and take my cue
To live by words I promise thee be true.

Be true to you by strong and ever respect
And fully open my eyes my mind and heart
Your needs and bod I will always protect
Through lifes long path thy side I'll never part.

Be honest ever and seek to be forthright
Through years to come and share my inner soul
Although it may at times fill me with fright
I here now freely give my body whole

I'll be your friend and be your lover still
As time may pass and fortune may not smile
Through trials and tragedy to you I will
Be next to like together down this aisle.

Fore'r in hearts in minds in souls remain
Till all can join in thy somber refrain.

Hi, swhgraham!

Nice job and very touching! There are some corrections that I would suggest, but I think that I'd better do that when I've had enough sleep to think straight!

Are you looking for this to be in the sonnet form in the traditional sense, please?

Thanks!

Clough:

Thanks so much for responding. Any help would be greatly appreciated. As this is only for my actual wedding ceremony, there is no restriction as to whether it would should be or shouldn't be traditional. I just want it to read well, sound good and get what I feel inside out there.

I've written poetry in the past (when I was MUCH younger), but this is the first time at writing a love sonnet. (I also think that I need to add another section)

I look forward to your corrections and guidance.

Yours very thankfully,
Stephen

Hi again, Stephen!

I will look at things and make some suggestions for you, after I've gotten some sleep. I'm a former music/fine arts teacher in both public and private schools, and have also been involved with the music ministires in churches for over 37 years.

Have played for and sung at a lot of weddings...

Thanks!

Here is the final version with additional section. Any help would be appreciated. My wedding is on Saturday (today is Wednesday), so a quick response would be GREATLY appreciated.

We tried to meet while playing cards at sea
You spoke to me but then I shied away
You made a friend who you had thought was me
Then finally we had the last few days

The weekend trip across the water blue
A chance for each to know the other more
Come Monday morn it was by then we knew
We hled the keys to both our hearts locked door.

Now you have moved your life to be with mine
A leap of faith so wonderful to take
For fate kept telling us and giving the sign
A great and splendid couple we would make.

Cause who you are I thank the gods above
Because you have restored my faith in love.

I stand before just you and friends of ours
Offering you my deep and truest vow.
No matter what within our lives occurs
To always keep this oath I utter now.

Although our bond is but shortly known,
Our souls both knew a close connection past.
And since, agree this love has more than grown
Into something which will forever last.

This lasting feeling brought us both to here.
Where I stand proud before you readily
Through times of good or bad, through gloom or cheer,
To join my life with yours as family.

So I hereby now pledge and take my cue
To live by words I promise you are true.

To be so true to you and e'er respect
To open wide my eyes, my mind and heart.
Your body and needs always to protect
Through life's long path your side I'll never part.

Be always honest and ever forthright
Through years to come and share my inner soul.
Although it may at times fill me with fright,
I here now freely give my body whole

I'll be your friend and be your lover still
As time may pass and fortune may not smile
Through trials and tragedy to you I will
Be side by side as walking down the aisle.

Fore'r in hearts, in souls, in minds conjoin'd
Till to the grave our souls depart entwined.