Check out some similar questions!

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 25, 2007, 06:01 PM

I don't know if this counts as writing to some or not but I worte these lyrics and I would like:

1) constructive criticism
2) ideas for the ending

Thank you for your helpa and here are the lyrics.

"you're being pulled away
ive tried to let you know
but everytime i try to say
you just walk away and go
i try to get you alone

to tell you

i feel as though ive lost you
i dont want you to go
and i just want you back
if only you knew
that im tryin to rescue

the old you
that trapped inside
but i know
that its still there
and your trying to decide

between

your two lives"

OK here's where I am having trouble. I at first had popularity and close friends but I want something more than that like different choices instead of the big one. Again thanks for all your help.

chek101 · Sep 26, 2007, 05:36 AM

Originally Posted by pikachufannumber1

i dont know if this counts as writing to some or not but i worte these lyrics and i would like:

1) constructive criticism
2) ideas for the ending

thank you for your helpa nd here are the lyrics.

"you're being pulled away
ive tried to let you know
but everytime i try to say
you just walk away and go
i try to get you alone

to tell you

i feel as though ive lost you
i dont want you to go
and i just want you back
if only you knew
that im tryin to rescue

the old you
that trapped inside
but i know
that its still there
and your trying to decide

between

your two lives"

ok heres where i am having trouble. i at first had popularity and close friends but i want something more than that like different choices instead of the big one. again thanks for all your help.

What do you think of this?

"you're being pulled away
ive tried to let you know
but everytime i try to say
you just walk away and go
i try to get you alone

to tell you

i feel as though ive lost you
i dont want you to go
and i just want you back
if only you knew
that im tryin to rescue

the old you
that's trapped inside
but i know
that its still there
while you're trying to decide

between

the old and new"

Just my opinion hon, but this is poetry! I write (when I was writing) my poetry pretty much the same way. Once, someone even commented that one of my poems would make great lyrics for a song. I'm sure there's a difference, but for me that difference seems to blur when it comes to categorizing what's what as I have heard some beautiful poetry in the words of a song. Example: "There's no where unless you're there!" Those words came from the theme song from the "Robin Hood" movie starring Kevin Costner (the name of the song eludes me now), but WOW what a phrase!! Beautiful! If that's not poetry I don't know what is! So don't be disappointed that I called your lyrics a poem. I meant it as a compliment. I liked it! Keep writing!

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 26, 2007, 02:34 PM

That's good but I was thinking more along the lines as I may have said of popularity and close friends. But then I didn't wan tto put that because I wanted an ending verse rather than ending words. But I couldn't think of anything. Got any ideas? They don't even have to ryme but I really need some to finish this off. Oh and in my opinion poems have a clear rhythm and stanza form whereas lyrics usually don't. Like mine I believe I go from a-b-c-a to a-b-a-b to a-a at the end of a stanza. But that's just my opinion.