Is this any good? Would you give me some tips?
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Scene 1 EXT

(Kid walking on sidewalk, ready for school, going to school. Passes the fence and walks inside school. As walking, we hear narrators voice.)

NARRATOR VOICE: The time I was caretaker in that Christian school has passed a long time ago. I had a good job, which paid well. But then there was this incident. And from there, everything changed.

Scene 2 INT

(Same kid opening locker and getting something from inside. Behind him are two boys)

BOY 1: (pointing at kid) Oh, look Charles. It is the new kid.

BOY 2: (looking in BOY 1 face) Oh yeah… Hope he won´t bring the cooties…

(Kid overhears it and turns around)

KID: (smiling) Willie is the name. How do you do?

BOY 1: (staring at Wille) Are you…

BOY 2: (terrified) Muslim?


KID: (surprised) No… Why?

BOY 2: So why don´t you have a cross around your neck?

BOY 1: You surely aren´t a good Christian.

BOY 2: Charles! Run!

(Boys run off and Willie looks surprised. He closes his locker and goes out of the door, heading towards the glass door.)

NARRATOR VOICE: Willie has been told by his new parents that the school was going to be Christian. But why did they leave out the fact, that it is a school full of Christian fanatics?

(We see kid walking towards stairs and up the stairs)

KIDS VOICE: Maybe they just didn’t want to terrify me… But they are Christians too… So why didn´t they tell me…

(closes the collar of his polo-shirt up so that nobody sees that he isn’t wearing a cross around his neck. Walks up to a random adult standing on the corridor. She is the principal, but the kid doesn´t know that)

KID: Hello, Miss.

PRINCIPAL: (arrogant) It´s Mrs. not Miss. What do you want?

KID: Could you direct me to my class? I think it is called…(pauses) Sekunda

PRINCIPAL: (snorts) Oh, you must be the new kid. (Pulls kid towards her and opens collar) What is this? I stressed that you will be wearing a cross. I even told your parents. 67 times, exactly!

KID: (surprised) Oh, I´m so sorry… (nervously) I left it by my bedside and –

PRINCIPAL: (interrupts kid) You put of your crucifix? You make me sick… Get out of here! Your class is that way! (Points)

Its very well written do you mind me asking what its for?

No, not at all. I am trying to make a movie

Well, I was able to picture how it was. It is usually hard for me to do that unless I am really involved or interested. So, I would say keep up the good work, and let me know more when you got some.

Thanks & Good Luck!

Will do!

Oh, tell me... how did you picture it? How did you see the images?

Well, I didn't know how old you intended the kid to be, but I pictured around 12 or 13 maybe. I could see him with kind of long but not too long of brown hair. Wearing a polo shirt like you said with kaki pants. I pictures the boy one being a red head bully type kid, and the other kid being more of a chubby kid. I could just picture the school being like a normal school, and the teacher looked very by the book and very strict with glasses. I don't know why I imagined it all like that, but does that relate to any of it?

He is my cousin and he logged on to my computer and I accidentally wrote the message from his account... sorry!

And right now I'm randell, not dave146

I don't mean to be rude, but how do you know how it is supposed to be, or is that how you see it as well? You are not the OP are you? I'm just wondering!

TRUE... I´m sorry again... :|

Ok, that is no problem. I was just wondering. So, is that really what you are going for? If so, I really like it. Hell, I can help you anyway I can and will star in it if you want me to. Haha

Hey! I haven't seen you post anything on here for awhile and was wondering how it was going? I am interested in how this whole thing goes! Well hope to hear back from you