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    TheMiddleChild's Avatar
    TheMiddleChild Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 3, 2013, 12:33 PM
    Is it wrong to leave my job and return home to my family?
    I'm working in a foreign country and although I loved my job at first, I now hate it. I've got a good relationship with my bosses but not with any of my co-workers. Surprisingly, I get along with employees lower down than me though, and some have become personal friends and my support system over the years. My co-workers have made my life hell. They've even told lies to other people in the company. I dread going to work everyday and have even been told to see a doctor due to depression (she's recommended taking anti-depressants). I've recently made the decision to return home to where my family and most of my personal friends are, but some remaining friends over here feel like I'm making the wrong decision and can't understand me. Am I being childish?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Apr 3, 2013, 12:45 PM
    If doing what you are doing there, destroying your health, then the decision to return home is the right one. The way I see it.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #3

    Apr 3, 2013, 12:59 PM
    It's only childish to leave a job you don't like if you do not understand that you need to find another job. Typically you should find another job before you leave the one you have. If you are leaving one country for another, this can be difficult to accomplish as you cannot travel to interviews until you move. That in mind, you should consider it your responsibility to stay where you are long enough to bank some funds so that you can meet your responsibilities to yourself and your dependents for several months until you find another job.

    I will say that your story concerns me to some degree because it appears you are only seeking friendship from people at work. Ideally, it's good to be "friendly" with the people you work with - whether you like them or not (just to be professional), but to seek your close friendships and emotional support from people outside of work. The reason for this is that it's generally best that the people we work for, with and over should really not know our personal business. For example, I would never tell anyone at my work that I had emotional or depression issues - that can result in you not being given certain responsibilities, overlooked for depression or could put a target on your back if layoffs are necessary. I don't like the word "childish" to describe your take on your work relationships - it's pretty unkind - but I would say aspects of it are "ill-advised".

    It can also be bad for your career to separate yourself from peers while buddying up with subordinates. Particularly if these subordinates report to you, you should keep only a professional relationship with them and not become their friend. It can be difficult to be someone's boss if you are their friend.

    It is also bad for your career to permit relationships with colleagues to deteriorate. Sometimes it can't be helped - I've worked with some real jerks over the years and do understand how that can happen. But it's best to avoid conflict and just get along, whether you like the people or not, at work.

    My recommendation is this -

    First, do not quit your job at this point.
    Do get counseling and continue as long as it's recommended. Anti-depressants are very helpful and most people take them at one time or another to help through tough times. If they are recommended, take them as prescribed.
    Start saving as much money as you can. Figure out the math - how much would you need to get by if it took you six months to get a job? You need at least that much plus your transportation home saved before you quit.
    Find some support outside of work. Whether you skype with family and friends back home, join a social group of expatriots where you live, get involved in a church or whatever, find some friends who do not know you from work. If this leaves you cold, find a hobby you can enjoy on your own while you are there.
    Consider the benefits of being in a foreign country - be a tourist on your time off and see and learn what you can so that you also have positive thoughts about this time in your life when it comes to an end.
    Get your resume in order and work on relationships where you are working so that you will have good references when you leave. Mend fences with people you haven't gotten along with - you don't have to meet them for lunch, but make the effort to make amends if there are hard feelings.

    Of coursre if you are working somewhere dangerous (Iraq, et al) ignore my sight-seeing and "meet the locals" advise! It might be normal to restrict friendships to people you work with, but keep those relationships as far from your direct team and managers as you can in that situation.

    When you are really ready - money in the bank, good references lines up, funds for the plane ticket home, resume ready to roll with a clear plan for what you want to do next in life, then resign graciously - say nothing negative, don't bash anyone. Thank them for the opportunity, the great chance to see another part of the world. Talk about the things you've learned. Give as your only reason, "it's time to go home - I miss my family and am needed at home". Everyone understands that reason and it makes you look like a family man, not like a quitter.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #4

    Apr 3, 2013, 04:12 PM
    There are many media options for finding jobs in other countries nowadays. My son was hired by a skype interview from Ontario, Canada, to Germany. So to say there no options is ridiculous.

    I know from what my son has reported, it isn't easy living in Europe over a long period, especially if you are from the North American continent.

    The OPs opinions and concerns are valid from person experience; so he comes home, relaxes, gets his head together, what is wrong with that?

    If my son told me he would rather come back to Canada, I would welcome him and make him comfortable, be happy he could line up with old friends here, and take his time searching for a position in his chosen field, and I don't doubt that would not take long.

    So, I still say to the OP, come home and be happy if you are not happy there.
    TheMiddleChild's Avatar
    TheMiddleChild Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 4, 2013, 12:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    There are many media options for finding jobs in other countries nowadays. My son was hired by a skype interview from Ontario, Canada, to Germany. So to say there no options is ridiculous.

    I know from what my son has reported, it isnt easy living in Europe over a long period of time, especially if you are from the North American continent.

    The OPs opinions and concerns are valid from person experience; so he comes home, relaxes, gets his head together, what is wrong with that?

    If my son told me he would rather come back to Canada, i would welcome him and make him comfortable, be happy he could line up with old friends here, and take his time searching for a position in his chosen field, and i dont doubt that would not take long.

    So, I still say to the OP, come home and be happy if you are not happy there.

    Thanks Tickle. I'm actually from Quebec. Although the job has its perks, I think there's a lot more to gain from going back home. =)
    TheMiddleChild's Avatar
    TheMiddleChild Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Apr 4, 2013, 12:10 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by dontknownuthin View Post
    it's only childish to leave a job you don't like if you do not understand that you need to find another job. Typically you should find another job before you leave the one you have. If you are leaving one country for another, this can be difficult to accomplish as you cannot travel to interviews until you move. That in mind, you should consider it your responsibility to stay where you are long enough to bank some funds so that you can meet your responsibilities to yourself and your dependents for several months until you find another job.

    I will say that your story concerns me to some degree because it appears you are only seeking friendship from people at work. Ideally, it's good to be "friendly" with the people you work with - whether you like them or not (just to be professional), but to seek your close friendships and emotional support from people outside of work. The reason for this is that it's generally best that the people we work for, with and over should really not know our personal business. For example, I would never tell anyone at my work that I had emotional or depression issues - that can result in you not being given certain responsibilities, overlooked for depression or could put a target on your back if layoffs are necessary. I don't like the word "childish" to describe your take on your work relationships - it's pretty unkind - but I would say aspects of it are "ill-advised".

    It can also be bad for your career to separate yourself from peers while buddying up with subordinates. Particularly if these subordinates report to you, you should keep only a professional relationship with them and not become their friend. It can be difficult to be someone's boss if you are their friend.

    It is also bad for your career to permit relationships with colleagues to deteriorate. Sometimes it can't be helped - I've worked with some real jerks over the years and do understand how that can happen. But it's best to avoid conflict and just get along, whether you like the people or not, at work.

    My recommendation is this -

    First, do not quit your job at this point.
    Do get counseling and continue as long as it's recommended. Anti-depressants are very helpful and most people take them at one time or another to help through tough times. If they are recommended, take them as prescribed.
    Start saving as much money as you can. Figure out the math - how much would you need to get by if it took you six months to get a job? You need at least that much plus your transportation home saved before you quit.
    Find some support outside of work. Whether you skype with family and friends back home, join a social group of expatriots where you live, get involved in a church or whatever, find some friends who do not know you from work. If this leaves you cold, find a hobby you can enjoy on your own while you are there.
    Consider the benefits of being in a foreign country - be a tourist on your time off and see and learn what you can so that you also have positive thoughts about this time in your life when it comes to an end.
    Get your resume in order and work on relationships where you are working so that you will have good references when you leave. Mend fences with people you haven't gotten along with - you don't have to meet them for lunch, but make the effort to make amends if there are hard feelings.

    Of coursre if you are working somewhere dangerous (Iraq, et al) ignore my sight-seeing and "meet the locals" advise! It might be normal to restrict friendships to people you work with, but keep those relationships as far from your direct team and managers as you can in that situation.

    When you are really ready - money in the bank, good references lines up, funds for the plane ticket home, resume ready to roll with a clear plan for what you want to do next in life, then resign graciously - say nothing negative, don't bash anyone. Thank them for the opportunity, the great chance to see another part of the world. Talk about the things you've learned. Give as your only reason, "it's time to go home - I miss my family and am needed at home". Everyone understands that reason and it makes you look like a family man, not like a quitter.
    Thanks for your input dontknownuthin. I found it very helpful. I can agree with what you've said so far. I'm planning on staying for at least a year and a half before I return home to Canada. I've talked to a few people back home and it seems like I could join the family business as a fall-back in case things don't work out with the jobhunt.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
    Expert
     
    #7

    Apr 4, 2013, 03:16 AM
    Next stop letting co workers hurt or ruin your life, stand up for yourself and take control of your job.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Apr 4, 2013, 10:39 AM
    I think your plan sounds good. A year and a half is a long time if you're miserable but you could start making the plans - get the back-up job with the family lined up, work on the resume, perhaps see if you can do phone and skype interviews for something else and so on. If you find another job in the interim, you could go home sooner.

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