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    mokeh's Avatar
    mokeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Jan 2, 2011, 04:17 AM
    My wife says she has a great new innocent friendship with a male co worker.
    I'm a 47 year old man and my wife is 39 years old. My wife and I have been married for 9 years and we have 2 children. Recently ( about 8 months) she met this man at work and before long, she and this guy were calling each other and texting each other constantly. Usually the calls were after 10 pm. Her phones now were constantly with her. She began putting her phone on silent. Eventually one day I read her texts and realized that she was texting this man all during the day.


    The text were innocent but the sheer amount was cause for concern. She even had sent text to him to a.m. in the morning. When I confronted her about it and she described him as her new best friend who had many things in common with her. What I failed to mention is that this guy is a 20 years old temp, just getting work experience. This guy is 19 years younger than she is.



    One can imagine my surprise when after the speaking to her about my concerns she started finding ways to be out with this boy alone, coming home many times after 11 pm when normally she would be home earlier.


    She started going to places where she could be alone with this guy: the beach, the park, concerts. One time she even skipped work to spend the day with this man. Another time after 11 pm she and he went on top of a huge 20 ft water tank over looking the area a few miles from where we live. . They had climbed up there and spent time there together. To be fair she told me about it the following day. She was so exited about learning of this high vantage point. I must admit that it was indeed an interesting place. I would not have been there at that hour though . I am not pleased with this new relationship but my wife tells me that its an innocent friendship and that I should trust her because they are just best friends. She even said that I was being paranoid. She and he even went to a lighthouse some 29 miles away on a work day and I only discovered when I stumbled on a picture from her cellphone. When I confronted her and asked why she had not told me about this outing, she told me that she did not want to disturb me at work.


    Recently I noticed that she sent pictures of herself to him on her cellphone. (no they were not nude pictures).

    Well even though I want to be supportive of friendship outside the marriage, I don't like her new want. Which is to go sea bathing alone with this guy. She prefers now to go alone without the family (our son, daughter and me)

    Should I be concerned?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Jan 2, 2011, 04:50 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mokeh View Post


    should i be concerned?

    Yes
    megapac's Avatar
    megapac Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 2, 2011, 05:52 AM
    My wife said yes
    mokeh's Avatar
    mokeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #4

    Jan 2, 2011, 07:31 AM
    Thanks but what should I do to get her to see my point of view. Especially as she believes since they are not doing anything sexual it should be OK.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #5

    Jan 2, 2011, 11:39 AM

    They may not be doing anything sexual yet, but given time and their proximity, it will probably happen. Just sit her down and ask her where she thinks she is going with this friendship, tell her how inappropriate it is and how it looks.

    Tick
    mokeh's Avatar
    mokeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #6

    Jan 2, 2011, 11:51 AM
    Comment on tickle's post
    I appreciate your straightfowardness.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #7

    Jan 2, 2011, 04:17 PM

    Okay then, just do it and talk to her about this situation. She could be his mother, for heavens sake. Bring that up to her and see what she thinks.
    youradvisor1's Avatar
    youradvisor1 Posts: 31, Reputation: 12
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    #8

    Jan 4, 2011, 12:13 PM
    This is a classic case of an emotional affair. If a spouse invests effort into a relationship with the opposite sex and it detracts from the marriage then there's a serious problem. How would she feel if you were spending time with, texting and calling another female let alone another female 20 years your junior? I think you're entirely in the right to feel betrayed. She's using this guy to fill a void in the marriage.
    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
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    #9

    Jan 4, 2011, 12:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by mokeh View Post
    Thanks but what should i do to get her to see my point of view. especially as she belives since they are not doing anything sexual it should be ok.
    You think she would be okay if you were doing the same thing with a 20 something female from your workplace?

    Sounds like she has a crush. Have no idea what the boy toy's motives are. Have you talked to him?
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #10

    Jan 4, 2011, 01:11 PM

    If it's not this 20 year old guy, it's going to be another guy. The point is, there are some problems in your marriage and you need to find out what they are and work on them.

    The problem is, she doesn't seem motivated in working things out with you, unless you failed to provide some other facts.

    Find out what's wrong with your current marriage FIRST before worrying about her communications with other guys.
    skass02's Avatar
    skass02 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Nov 6, 2011, 07:39 PM
    I think you should 1st let her know that if she was honest with you you could accept her knew friend in her life as long as she was completely honest I know this may sound terrible but you never know honesty keeps people together
    skass02's Avatar
    skass02 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Nov 6, 2011, 07:52 PM
    I agree it should be OK. Im married and my wife has been in the same position. Most of mer friends are mails. Im not the jealious type.So I allow my wife to date if that's what she wants I just want my wife to be happy.

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