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    FranMac123's Avatar
    FranMac123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 24, 2011, 11:51 AM
    What do I do when a coworker won't talk to me?
    I have a co-worker that was a temp to hire at my place of work and we became friends as I was the one that trained her. I found out while training her that she likes to be dominant and act like she knows it all but I still remained her friend . When her probation period was over and she was hired full time she started giving me the silent treatment and when I confronted her and ask if I had done or said anything to upset her , all she said was that she had a lot on her mind. So I said are we cool and she said yes but continued not talking . In my last effort I ask her in a professional manner if she had used my friendship to get hired on full time and her response was that she wasn't that way. I know that the silent treatment is a form of domination but what is the best way to handle this when this woman is acting so childish and is almost sixty years old. I think there is some jealousy there because she is use to being the one in the know and it bothers her that I know more about my job than she does.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #2

    Jun 24, 2011, 12:20 PM

    Ignore her. Why are you letting this bother you?

    Because you lost a "friend."

    Because you think she took advantage of you?

    I don't know that she's being childish - that depends on whether she's ignoring you, shunning you, not answering you - ?

    As you said today to someone with the same problem: "I am having the same problem at work and have tried to keep it professional and ask this person if I had done anything to upset them , but the response was that she didnt have anything to say . But when it all comes down to it these people are not worth the time it takes worrying about the way they are acting . My job is to keep doing my job to the best of my ability . Silence is golden sometimes and we just have to deal with it ." https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/workpl...ml#post2832261
    FranMac123's Avatar
    FranMac123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 24, 2011, 02:02 PM
    Thanks for the input. You're right its better to just ignore bad behavior because i have tried to be the better person and ask to resolve any issues but have come to the conclusion that its her issue not mine . I gave her the best training i could and she even told everyone what a good trainer i was . I guess its in all of us to wonder and be a little hurt when someone you think is a friend turns away from you. But thanks to good advice i'm over it.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #4

    Jun 24, 2011, 02:15 PM

    First stop using all CAPS, that is considered yelling in writing.

    And to be honest this is work, you don't need to be chatting and worrying if they are friends or not. Often if you get too friendly it can effect judgement and working relationships.
    FranMac123's Avatar
    FranMac123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jun 24, 2011, 09:55 PM
    Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
    Being cordial makes the working environment more pleasant in my point of view and I am sure if you had to work in a small room with someone that didn't communicate with you , you would feel the same way. Like you said this is work but there also needs to be some form of communication to get certain jobs done in a proper manner , especially when this person is new and doesn't know everything about their job. Ive had good friends to work with before and got lots of work done , so being friendly and chatty does not effect my work ethic.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
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    #6

    Jun 24, 2011, 11:32 PM

    I've worked for thirty years in confined spaces, so I understand what you are going through with this coworker. Whether there are three employees or forty-three, you want to feel like you are a part of a team. No, not everyone is going to get along wonderfully well, and there will be personality clashes and jealousy and temporary upsets. Then what?

    Well, sometimes there isn't much that can be done. Since you trained this coworker, maybe praise her (honestly and specifically) from time to time: "I really like the way you xxx" or "I was impressed when I saw what you did with zzz." (Do you think she would take you seriously if you did that?) Don't confront her or quiz her. What do you think?
    FranMac123's Avatar
    FranMac123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jun 25, 2011, 08:21 AM
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    Its worth a try , I think she looks for praise because she is quick to point out something she has accomplished to our bosses . But when someone doesn't talk or communicate you have no idea what they are thinking .
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,813, Reputation: 5427
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    #8

    Jun 25, 2011, 08:31 AM

    Please let me (us) know if you try this and what happens.
    imp1234's Avatar
    imp1234 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    May 15, 2018, 07:41 PM
    Even though I am responding to an old question, I have to laugh as I am going through something similar -- only I am the one not speaking to the temp!

    The temp was very friendly. I trained her, but she had a tendency to be inappropriate -- like to broach topics that were a little too personal, a little too weird, sketchy, etc. She also overshared -- in terms of all of her problems, previous work issues, some seemingly criminal activity I, in return, was nice and let her talk while attempting to keep her focused.

    The problem was, she talked too much. All. The. Time. Nonstop. This created stress for me. I tried to figure out how to get her to quiet down. I tried hints, diplomacy, feigning exhaustion, requesting a little time off to focus. Nothing worked. She would be quiet for a minute and then the verbal onslaught would continue.

    This girl was overly friendly. Wanted to take me out to lunch, cook for me, announced we were "besties." She also did this with everyone else in the office. It was too much, too personal, too clingy.

    Then during break, she was hanging out in the common area and return to our section to gossip about coworkers -- literally a blow-by-blow of everything they said and did, making them look foolish. One concerned a guy she was hitting on. Again, inappropriate. Later she tried to set me up with a guy I had no interest in.

    I look at her and told her no.

    I haven't spoken to her since, leaving her perplexed, enraged, confused, and fuming in bitterness. I can feel her fury as I enter the room as she is used to be center of attention, wanting to blather on to a captive audience and all she gets from me is dismissive silence. She is now desperately trying to outperform me and has slandered me all over the office for pulling away from her -- something she was doing to other coworkers.

    I expect she won't get a permanent offer, but at least she is actually focused on work, as opposed to goofing off and gossiping all day long and creating trouble.

    My reasons for not talking to her? 1.) Yes, I would to have cordial relationships with coworkers but I cannot trust her within this capacity. 2.) If I start talking again, she will never stop. I prefer silence to inane prattle. 3.) If I engage with her, she will acquire gossip to spread around the office. 4.) I can't criticize or confront her on her behavior without having such actions be used against me, with me characterized as an instigator. My only options are 1.) allow her to dominate me with her nonstop chatter and attention seeking or 2.) give her the silent treatment and spare myself.

    Honestly, if she had been professional instead of treating the job like summer camp, we'd probably be on good terms today. I don't trust her and I can do my job without having to engage with her at all -- or to engage minimally.

    You don't need to be buddies with coworkers. I suspect the elderly lady just wants to do her job and not be bothered. It probably is not personal. She likely had to try hard to win the temp position. She may be an introvert and may not have appreciated the friendship as much as you did. She had to fake it to get the job and now can just do her job -- just as I had to fake like listening to the dumb temp prattle on and stir up trouble until she had pushed the envelope too far and she didn't need me to drain her.

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