[tyklr87]

I am 23 years old and I have been at my job for 9 months. It is a small office of 1 boss, myself and another lady. My co-worker is the one I am having problems with. She is 54 years old. I have never had any co-worker conflicts before and I just came from an office of over 20 people... I just don't think my personality matches her. She seems like she always has to be right. And her biggest comments are always "not that it is a big deal but......." , "I have always done it this way....." and asks for help on computers about 2-3 times a day and most of the time she screws the computer up and I have to fix it. I don't see why she needs help on the computer a lot when she has been working on a computer for at least 15+ years... Then when I confront her about things she blows up and gets very angry and won't talk with me for a few days and completely avoids me and she will do the same thing when I give my opinion on something. Our boss has already talked with me about how me knows about her insecurity... but there is only so much that I can take. I feel that as an employee I should have ideas and suggestions. She also treats me like a child. But then, she was gone a few weeks ago and I found a couple of emails of her and my boss's wife trash talking me and calling me names. By the way she is best friends with the boss's wife - so that does not help. And I also found out by reading these emails that everything that I have said in our private meetings gets relayed to my co-worker. I just do not feel like I have anyone here that I can talk with - I am the outside person so no matter what my co-worker will also be in the good light. Ever since I found those emails I haven't been talking much. And by the way she does not know that I know about the emails, my boss had me check her emails while she was out and that is how I found them. And today she finally confronted me and asked if anything was wrong and I said no - I don't know what to do anymore because she is not talking to me again. Sorry for such a long post - but I am at a loss and I love working for my boss. Any insight or ideas would be great.

[Kitkat22]

Ignore her! If she screws up the computer let it stay screwd up and tell the boss when he ask.

Tell her to her face, Calmly that you are not going to be intimidated by her anymore and if she wants to tell the boss's wife go ahead.

Take a small vacation and see how much he needs you when she screws everything up.

[tyklr87]

He has already found out on several occasions that she screws up a lot... I just don't want to be a rat and go to the boss every time she has a problem with the computer or is too lazy to do something - any other ideas.

[Homegirl 50]

Going through her emails was tacky.
You just do your job and ignore her. You will come up against many people in your life who won't like you or you won't get along with.
Do your job, leave hers to her. Or a mature thing to do would be to tell her you have the feeling she does not like you and if there is anything you can do to make your working situation better.

You both can be an asset to each other but somebody has to make the first move. You can be the one.

[Kitkat22]

Look you have a job to do and so does she. I know about people like her and I will say I didn't know
What to do until my dad said, people like that are really unhappy
And you need to kill her with kindness.

I tried and in a few weeks she did get a little better. I still say go to the boss. It's hard working under stress.

[talaniman]

You are the odd man out, and the new guy. You do things their way, and keep the conflicts down because they are personal in nature. Consider that you are still there even though she has bad mouthed you, so suck up the pride, and do your job the best way you know how, and the boss will be impressed by not only your skills, and work performance, which adds to your value, but your work ethic, and the way you deal with your personal conflict with his wife's best friend.

The boss knows what she is about, and getting along with a difficult co worker is a valuable skill to develop, and show off. Not easy, but its better than quitting a job you like.

Show some compassion for an older worker, who is stuck in their ways, my friend, as she ain't going no where, and you can be replaced by someone she likes better, and this has probably happened before so knowing she is a friend of the bosses wife, its better to keep conflict down, and watch what you say.

I am willing to bet the boss knew what you would find when he told you to check her emails, so you would know what you're up against. Find a way to work within the system, by keeping your displeasure to yourself, and making adjustments that work for you, or quit!

Me, I butter her evil a$$ up, and kill her with kindness. Do you have the maturity and social skills to do that?

[Devorameira]

She's always going to be the "golden girl" because of the friendship she has with the boss's wife.

Your boss probably knows that she's a sub-standard employee, but he's probably got to keep her to keep his wife happy.

Now that you know that you can't trust her at all, you're going to have to decide whether you can just do your job and work there or if it's time to hunt for another job.

[Fr_Chuck]

At the end, if there is a issue that comes to a head most likely even if "right" you will end up being wrong.

Stop trying to help and tell her how to do her job, just do yours and leave her alone. Just going though her emails could be enough to be fired and you had no business doing that no matter what.

[JBeaucaire]

There's always the "let's have fun with this" approach.

1) When you find yourself disagreeing, stop. Look at her and say with the most sincerity you can muster, "I can see this is way more important to you than it is to me, so sure, let's just do it that way." A gentle pat on the hand, hehe.

2) When she says something rude, say, "Sure, I'll get that for you..." then bring her some important file and ask "Anything else?"

She didn't ask for the file, but doing things like this over time will confuse her.

A) Bring a file
B) Tell her the time
C) Point to another colleague and say, "She's right over there"
D) "No thanks, I have a lunch date, but maybe tomorrow?"
... or even better, just come up to her and cancel your lunch date (the one you don't really have.)
E) Bring over a colleague and say, "OK, you wanted to see us?" (this could get funny)

You can even do this out of the blue when she hasn't said a word to you...

"Here's that stuff you wanted."
"What stuff?"
"Right here, here you go. Talk to you later." (smile)
"Wait, I didn't ask for this."
(Look at her very concerned)
"Um...ok...sure...I'll put that back." (walk away glancing at her nervously)

Tip of the iceberg, really. At least you're amusing yourself and she may start seeing your gestures as truly trying to be helpful, and your relationship improves.

In which case, by all means, stop pranking her.

[Wondergirl]

What's good about her and her work?