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    mustangchristy77's Avatar
    mustangchristy77 Posts: 87, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Aug 23, 2011, 09:00 AM
    Fitting in at new job
    I have started a new job and I'm the first person they have hired (upfront) in 15 years. I am replacing a person who had been here that long. My concern is they don't talk to me. They do not act interested in getting to know me. They all go places together at lunch and I am not invited. I have tried to talk to them and associate with them but sometimes I get the cold shoulder. It bothers me. I always end up standing there and feeling left out.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
    Expert
     
    #2

    Aug 23, 2011, 09:58 AM
    And you may well be for months, guess what you go to work, to work ( wow what a strange ID) you can hate the people you work with, no requirements to even like them.

    You are not in the click, and may never be, So have you asked to go to lunch with them ? Or asked them to go with your somewhere ?
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Aug 23, 2011, 10:23 AM
    Two things: 1) give it time and 2) earn the respect of the right person (usually the most powerful one in the company, but not always), and others will follow.

    I was in a similar situation. I was hired by a tiny company—it the first hire in 12 years—made up entirely of soon-to-be retirees, and this was my first job out of college. I was 22 at the time.

    Naturally, they all thought they were wiser than me, would usually ignore me and would try to boss me around. I could feel the resentment. I gave them all the cold shoulder, everyone except for my hiring manager who was also the founder of the company. Well, after it was known to everyone how much the founder and his wife valued me (took about 10 months), the rest of the company warmed up and eventually I became friends with all except one woman, who eventually got canned because of her lousy attitude. I became untouchable in that company, it was a great feeling.

    The person who hired you is on your side, and hopefully, that person is powerful. So, impress your hiring manager and leverage his power to gain respect from others.
    Arcticgrrl's Avatar
    Arcticgrrl Posts: 10, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #4

    Aug 23, 2011, 01:16 PM
    I agree with Slapshot, having been in a similar situation in the workplace. If you suck up to your boss and keep your nose to the grindstone, you will impress the right person/people. Being social in the workplace does not provide job security or long-term benefits and the details of your social life can be used against you at any time. For example, say you exchanged Facebook details with a coworker. She calls in sick. Meanwhile, she "checks into" a local pub which is posted on her Wall. Your boss confides to you that she thinks your coworker isn't sick at all and plans on firing her and replacing her with you. Do you tell your boss about the "check-in" on Facebook? This is a good example that social networking and getting along well with your coworkers doesn't matter when jobs are in short supply.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert
     
    #5

    Aug 23, 2011, 01:23 PM
    If they haven't hired anyone in 15 years, then they're not used to changes or having new people around. It's going to take some time for you to integrate and it might take a little more effort on your end to integrate with them.

    No one is going to feed you on a silver platter. You might need to step it up and build a connection with each of them. Start by talking to one person at the time instead of being overwhelmed by talking to everyone at once.
    mustangchristy77's Avatar
    mustangchristy77 Posts: 87, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Jun 4, 2013, 01:02 PM
    Just an update. Things are not much better and it's been two years. Yes, I've tried asking them to lunch , etc. But, I have learned that it's not only me they treat this way. We have had two new girls start and one they treat terrible and the other they treat like gold. Why, I will never know. I feel bad for the other girl because she is struggling just like me. Thanks for all of your suggestions and responses. I have just decided to try to ignore it all. I have never in my life worked somewhere where the women are this mean, rude and vindictive.

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