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    jc105's Avatar
    jc105 Posts: 162, Reputation: 17
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jul 24, 2006, 01:04 PM
    Co-Workers?
    All right easy question...

    Asking out people you work with, rules, thoughts?

    I go to different locals all the time as a Tech, but I have a few select girls I'd like to ask out, but what are the rules?

    How forward should one be about it? In a less formal situation I got it down but when you have to pass people in the hallway everyday it seems sticky.

    All else fails, she is coming to happy hour with me, but I thought I'd throw this one out there for some thoughts.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #2

    Jul 24, 2006, 01:40 PM
    I never dated anyone I worked directly with -- it was a policy that served me well. For the one guy I had a huge attraction to, I waited until he was no longer with the company to say yes to his repeated asking me out but it helped that my boss said he would kill me if I said yes too LOL. By the way its never as private as you think it is! :eek:

    But with that said, I was in a position to meet lots and lots of business people who I didn't work with and those were fair game. I like how you have some distance on it being at different locations -- I travelled for work too. It all boiled down to I didn't want anything sticky circulating in the office as a result of a romance gone bad. If you think that doesn't affect business, think again. :cool:
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #3

    Jul 24, 2006, 02:02 PM
    Don't dip your pen in the company ink - and that includes clients. You're asking for massive trouble.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #4

    Jul 24, 2006, 03:14 PM
    I would not recommend you try asking any of these women out while at work. You would not only be creating an awkward situation, you could also be placing yourself, your company, and the client in legal jepordy.

    Perceptions, real or imagined, have to be dealt with. If a negative perception starts developing as a result of your actions, it will have repercussions you may never have seen coming.
    YeloDasy's Avatar
    YeloDasy Posts: 363, Reputation: 81
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    #5

    Jul 24, 2006, 05:41 PM
    I would say it not the best idea. I have one successful story about a man and woman dating at the same company and they got married. But I also know many people who had it akward at the office due to dating each other, and it made other people uncomfortable, espcially when there were conflicts, people couldn't take sides and it was really akward! Steer clear!
    jc105's Avatar
    jc105 Posts: 162, Reputation: 17
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    #6

    Jul 25, 2006, 06:06 AM
    All right, feeling a general trend in the advice here guys.

    Thanks for the replies, I'm not sure what I'll actually do.

    JC
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #7

    Jul 25, 2006, 03:50 PM
    Why take a chance where your job is concerned?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #8

    Jul 26, 2006, 12:53 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jc105
    Alright, feeling a general trend in the advice here guys.

    Thanks for the replies, I'm not sure what I'll actually do.

    JC
    The thing is office romance never usually lasts! :cool:
    Its usually the talk of the day between co-workers. :rolleyes: a gossip corner
    jc105's Avatar
    jc105 Posts: 162, Reputation: 17
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    #9

    Jul 26, 2006, 05:36 AM
    Oh one other thing, I won't be working here in a month so its not really that drastic eitherway.

    Thanks for the thoughts guys.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #10

    Jul 26, 2006, 11:30 AM
    A very timely example: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...reynolds.0241/

    Harold Reynolds was fired by ESPN from his job as a baseball analyst after he was accused of sexual harassment ... "It was a total misunderstanding,'' Reynolds told the Post.
    jc105's Avatar
    jc105 Posts: 162, Reputation: 17
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    #11

    Jul 27, 2006, 07:22 AM
    I'm not worried about sexual harassment, lol! I doubt I'll be running my hand up her leg when I ask her out, if I do ask her out...

    Anyway that's a terrible story, I think a lot of harassment goes unreported and little things get prosecuted. It's a terrible environment to work in. Anyway not the point, thanks again all.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #12

    Jul 27, 2006, 12:24 PM
    Actually - if you read the article... Mr. Reynolds says he just gave his co-worker "a hug", something he felt was okay.

    What I am trying to illustrate is... You may think that what you are doing is okay, but the recipient may not think the same as you.

    I don't mean to imply you are some creepy guy that crowds the reception desk all day annoying the receptionist... I'm just trying to hammer home the point that you don't want to put yourself into the situation where you have to claim "it was a misunderstanding".
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
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    #13

    Jul 30, 2006, 07:39 PM
    Just treat it as one of your "less formal" situations and proceed accordingly. A lot of people frown on dating business associates because of potential repercussions after a fallout but I think that's the wrong attitude. You can't go into something, whether it be a dating relationship, an algebra class or whatever, with the mindset that you're automatically going to fail. That's the exact mentality of people who'd advise you against workplace dating. Of course there are no guarantees that it's going to work out either but never make decisions or approach things based on "what if?" ask these people out just like you would anyone else. You've got nothing to lose.
    jms1226's Avatar
    jms1226 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Aug 4, 2006, 11:48 PM
    I've dated a few girls from work over the years. Some were great, some were awful, but darn if the bad ones don't go away when you're through! Since you mentioned you've got a list, I'm guessing these aren't good friendships or people you know well. If you're an objectively good-looking guy and you're being mutually approached, go to town. If you're not, you're asking for the sexual harassment thing.
    jc105's Avatar
    jc105 Posts: 162, Reputation: 17
    Junior Member
     
    #15

    Aug 7, 2006, 05:59 AM
    "If you're an objectively good-looking guy "

    LoL, Well of course my answer would be yes to that, but honestly I make the decision to ask girls out after talking with them and feeling them out. I don't go in blind, but in any case I was going to hang out with the owner of one companies daughter... woohoo, I'm sure the anti-relationship group will eat that up, but hey, it was appropriate at the time when I asked her out so...

    Anyway again all good advice all around.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #16

    Aug 7, 2006, 06:35 AM
    Well, its really all about good risk management... if you can manage the risk, you can afford to risk it. So go for it with my blessings.

    I'll confess, when I gave my answer, to secretly hoping to avoid seeing a post down the road asking "how can I countersue on the sexual harrssment charge for wrongful termination from the company (they fired me, can you believe that??) because some date-gone-bad went too far and its all really just a big misunderstanding but now I'm sooooo broke I can't afford the one lawyer in town who would represent me and I'm really sick of flipping burgers too but there is this girl who does the drive-thru window, oh by the way, what do you all think about asking her out again even though she's all mad at me???" :eek:

    Ya know what I mean, Vern? LOL :rolleyes:
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #17

    Aug 7, 2006, 07:17 AM
    Val, you've done it again. No one can foresee where a relationship will lead. But many companies have no fraternising policies, and we have seen the pitfalls of broken relationships soooooo many times on these threads. I think that most of us have adopted the course of move on simply because to tell someone how to go back and cure a doomed relationship would be crazy and out of our expertise. The same goes for dating where you work in that it can get much worse and cost someone their job to tell anyone to go for it, when there is a risk involved. I myself would not what to give advice to someone I told to go for it and it didn't work out at all. This advice stuff is not as easy as it looks especially when the advice doesn't work and someone ( a real person) pays the price. So in the interest of helping and not hurting, Don't dip your Pen in the company ink. The company ain't going to like it!

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