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    notcoolenough's Avatar
    notcoolenough Posts: 95, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member

    May 27, 2012, 11:30 PM
    My Boss is a Sociopath
    I am in dire need of some guidance. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my boss is a sociopath. I will hope I do not come across as one who just likes to throw that word around. I do have extensive, though not professional, knowledge with psychopathology. I am asking for help as far as what I can do. Ideally I wish I could leave my job for another, but none has come up. I have over 10 years experience in the current field I am in and I am a very valuable asset to my current place of employment. Unfortunately, it is not a major chain or anything and my boss is as high up as it goes. As far as I know, there is absolutely no one I can go to about her. She owns the business.

    The whole staff (which is constantly changing as people come and go for related reasons) is always too afraid to stick up to her. Like myself, we are all a victim of the economy and cannot risk losing our jobs! Our boss only cares about money and nothing else. You might be asking what I am exactly having an issue with and on top of what you can already expect from a boss who has no conscious and only cares about getting ahead financially, some major concerns are:

    The Bullying.
    She belittles and uses verbal disciplinary tactics in front of the rest of the staff.
    She brings up personal and embarrassing topics regarding an employee in front of the rest of the staff.
    She purposely sets up situations, that are sometimes set up for you to fail, so that she can discipline you about them
    I can go on and on really.

    Has anyone else been in this type of situation before? Does anyone have any advice? Maybe there is an organization that I can call? I was thinking OSHA but I think the only POSSIBLE thing that they could be on her case about is having us work in rooms (full of dogs - it's a dog daycare) with the thermostat set at 78 (but it is definitely off. I have used multiple auto thermometers and they read 83 degrees) and we are not allowed to wear shorts as it "doesn't look professional" We have asked her about it many times but she just brings up money and how she cants afford to keep the place any cooler. She is always going on vacations and such mind you and buying really useless things. I figured MAYBE this is a health concern but I feel like I'm grasping at straws

    She has no regard for the dog's safety, often putting one person on an 8 hour shift to watch 4 separate rooms of dogs. Sometimes she even has us doing yard related work that requires us to leave the dogs unattended for long amounts of time - yet I got written up for leaving a door unlocked because "it is possible for a dog to escape and get hit by a car" after some how unlatching 2 gates and opening another door to get to the door I left unlocked.

    Anyway I am sure I sound petty but I hope someone can understand my predicament. I am constantly stressed and an emotional wreck because I literally hate my boss and have zero respect for her.

    She also got caught orally pleasuring a 14 year old student of hers in 2004. I am mentioning this only because I feel it supports what I have claimed about her psyche.

    Any words of comfort? Any sympathy or empathy? Does anyone else have a related story? I would love to hear it. Im going to bed now.

    Also, just in case, I am in the state of California and no amount of negative yelp reviews have made her see things any different. In fact, it just made her begin to bribe clients to leave positive reviews in exchange for free daycare/boarding.
    scarlettjames's Avatar
    scarlettjames Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 19, 2012, 05:44 AM
    Hello lovely!

    Yes I empathise. I too work with a socipoathic line manager. She is the mother of my best friend and had always been one of the most charming people I had ever met.

    Then I went to work for her.

    At first I thought it was just me. She tore strips off me in front of others and would make all these rules up and then break them. But woe betide anyone else who broke them. Everything I asked for she would refuse and she played such mind games I thought I was losing my grip on reality.

    Gradually each employee came to see me and told me they knew what I was going through as they had been there. Things came to a head last year when she talked about another member of staff as having 'special needs' and I confronted her, in third person, saying whoever said such a thing needs to be careful in this day and age. I gained respect with my colleagues and she left in tears saying "being accused of victimsation is a terrible thing." I shook all weekend. I was ill but she did say "Well we have to make allowances for this other colleague." It was a very small victory. It won't be long before I fall under her maleovlent glare again.

    No-on knows what it is like to work with such a person and you have my full sympathy. My overall boss is so in with her he will take her side over everything. I later found out she had been accused of bullying plenty of times before and every time the person leaves-not her. She has been my bosses right hand woman for thirty years and he has no idea. I also think she may have something on him. He seems under her spell. Like you I can't get another job as the recession is so bad there is nothing out there. I am trying though.

    Ok what to do?

    Keep a diary of everything she says and does, how you feel and how she made your colleagues feel. It gets it out of your hed and being able to see her actions in black and white gives you a sense of power and the knowledge that if it does get legal you can back it up.

    Make your colleagues a team of fighters. I said to the girls,"She wants a team? She's got one, but one that does not involve her. If she es about one of us or plays us aginst each other, tell each other. Cover each other. Become a team that is against her." Consequently the moment she leaves the room we all roll our eyes and moan and laugh about her. She no longer has as much influence because we all treat her like she is nuts-which she is.

    You are not the problem. She is.
    Eventually though you are going to have to leave as the top piece of advice for dealing with a sociopath? AVOID THEM. Yeah? Really? Not that easy.

    I wish you all the love and luck in the world
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691

    Aug 19, 2012, 05:59 AM
    You sound like you work for about a average boss, sorry not sure what types of saints you worked for in the past, but welcome to what most of the world deals with every day.

    Temp, seems within acceptable and legal guidelines

    No law on dogs having to have someone in the room with them.

    Is laws about how sanitation, so is the facility licensed by the state and/or inspected.
    scarlettjames's Avatar
    scarlettjames Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 19, 2012, 06:17 AM
    Not true chuck, this is not normal behaviour. I have worked for some amazing bosses, bosses who help, support and mentor. Some of them became friends. A true boss is fair. You want to know how you can improve in your work and you want to be praised and encouraged only when you deserve it. Humiliating people and playing mind games is not normal boss behaviour and if this is becoming the norm we got to do something about it.
    Ga Peach's Avatar
    Ga Peach Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 30, 2013, 05:43 AM
    How to recognize a sociopath:

    Sociopath's are incredibly charming, and are masters at capturing the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. They can whisk you away and make you feel special. But they truly are excellent actors, lack any empathy and view people as objects only there to help them look better or to obtain status. It isn't hard to spot them, and after a while. Because you begin to feel like you are overly consumed in their world of weirdness and you lose your own identity: They lack good character and integrity and you start to notice how entitled and self serving they are. They expect the world and you evolve around them. They often have trouble at work. They have a unique ability to twist their bad behavior to normalize it for other people. They can't be cured and the best thing to do is get out of the relationship and quick. Interestingly enough they are often, lawyers, doctors, politicians, and those who look to achieve power.

    This is my boss to a "T". Always talking behind our backs, belittling the boss below her, trying to get people fired. Always causing trouble and upheaval in the workplace. Never ending drama.

    I work for a University, and my boss is a dead-on sociopath. She has the Division Director wrapped around her pinkie. Nothing to do but leave.

    The few years of working with her have been nightmarish.

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