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missmeliss · Feb 4, 2008, 01:59 AM

My husband and I are trying to conceive. I recently came off the pill after 10 years and allowed one normal cycle to pass. Now I have been using the ovulation predictor kit to see when I would be ovulating. Well, the strip was positive this AM, and I was all excited. Went to my hubby to try to seduce him :) - turns out he had a really hard time getting and keeping his erection. After trying for awhile were finally able to get it done. Went to do it again tonight, and he absolutely could not perform. He has never had this problem before. I know it's not his fault but I am so frustrated. Been waiting for the right time and now it's here and we can't even try... ugh! He says it's just because he feels a lot of pressure. Whatever that means. Has anyone else had this issue? If so, how did you deal with it? Help!

tickle · Feb 4, 2008, 03:54 AM

You deal with it by TAKING OFF THE PRESSURE ! Of course he can't perform. You want IT NOW!!

Okay, just relax, both of you, its going to happen when you least expect it, but you have to enjoy the moment without the drama. Have faith, honestly, you are going to get pregnant, have your lovely baby and then for a few months you won't have time, nor want to have sex.

LearningAsIGo · Feb 4, 2008, 01:47 PM

Its perfectly common (and normal) for a man to react this way toward this sort of pressure.

You just started Trying to conceive (trying to conceive) so I'd actually recommend not using OPK for a while. Try to time your intercourse toward the middle of your cycle and just enjoy it! OR you could keep the results from your hubby and just seduce him in your own ways.

Think of it this way:
You almost certainly know you've ovulated and in theory, are fertile. So in his mind, if you don't get pregnant that cycle, he could see it as "his fault"... which isn't necessarily true, of course.
That's a lot of pressure if you ask me!
Good luck to you both :)

Mbamba08 · Sep 8, 2009, 03:17 PM

Having the same issue only he's the one that wants the baby now! I'm perfectly fine to wait but now that he can't keep it up, suddenly it's my fault he can't preform because "I put too much stress on him"... Ridiculous

Alexat · Oct 1, 2009, 05:34 AM

I'm dealing with similar problem.Please advise how to take the pressure from my husband? He knows we need to have an intercourse for 5-6 days in a row to increase the chance of conceiving. When I'm playing the role of a seducer, and he refuses me because being tired or feeling too much pressure, that makes me angry too, and frustrating, and down, and helpless. I feel I also make lot of effort to make things right. How to make him willing to play the game and enjoy it at the same time. Please advise.

LearningAsIGo · Oct 2, 2009, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by Alexat

I'm dealing with similar problem.Please advise how to take the pressure from my husband? He knows we need to have an intercourse for 5-6 days in a row to increase the chance of conceiving. When I'm playing the role of a seducer, and he refuses me because being tired or feeling too much pressure, that makes me angry too, and frustrating, and down, and helpless. I feel I also make lot of effort to make things right. How to make him willing to play the game and enjoy it at the same time. Please advise.

5 - 6 days may actually be too much. Ideally 4 days or less should be plenty, just try to get 1-2 days before ovulation, the day of ovulation, and the day after. The day after isn't even that important, but it could be helpful.

That much sex can be exhausting for anyone - could that be the problem? Its also very stressful when someone is expecting you to perform on cue. To lots of couples, sex is spontaneous and when you try to schedule it for conception, that takes away some of the "romance"... if you know what I mean.

My best advice:
1. Don't pressure him. Seduce him slowly without mentioning WHY you want to have sex.
2. No matter what, do NOT blame him for having trouble performing. Its embarasing for one, plus its not necessarily something he can help.
3. Take it one day at a time and ENJOY the act of trying to have a baby. Take my word- it'll happen when you least expect it ;)