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BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 04:13 PM

Hurting myself.

I cannot find a solution to my problem when it comes to sexual intercourse. I know I've been told to massage my clitoris during penetration but it's not that simple. It doesn't seem to help or maximize the pleasure I am supposed to feel from having a man inside of me. It's not satisfying or stimulating. I don't feel much of anything when a guy is thrusting. All the other women say think that I am crazy when I say sex doesn't feel good and that I don't feel any pleasure. I hate my body and everything about it. I don't know why I am made to only find clitoral stimulation pleasureable. I would like some variation in my sex life.. being able to enjoy different sexual positions but I can't. Nothing does it for me.

Guys are hesitant to date me and will only stick with me for awhile for oral sex. They will never marry a woman like me. I don't blame them.

I hate that I am made so differnet and have even contemplated suicide. The fact that other women enjoy sex and can feel something is so devastating I don't even think I can live anymore.

Glimmer · Nov 19, 2007, 04:25 PM

This is normal... you just haven't found the right man that knows how to please you! I know because I am the same. I now found the man that can please me while thrusting. Trust me its not your body that is different, it's the way the guy does it. Your not different or abnormal. This is perfectly normal.

BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 04:28 PM

But I have used dildos and its just as unsatisfying as it is with a male partner. It's no different. Sex is supposed to feel good. And this is supposed to come naturally to me. Why do I have to try so hard at something that other women just already know how to enjoy on their own? I don't understand. I am very confused and sad. I don't know why my body is acting like this for so long. I have lost all hope

ttara81 · Nov 19, 2007, 04:33 PM

I don't think this is worth hurting yourself over. Is it really so important to you that you feel like committing suicide? At least you can get stimulation and pleasure by contact with the clitoris. Please reconsider before taking your life over something like this... it is not a life or death situation.
Good Luck.

BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by ttara81

I don't think this is worth hurting yourself over. Is it really so important to you that you feel like committing suicide?? At least you can get stimulation and pleasure by contact with the clitoris. Please reconsider before taking your life over something like this...it is not a life or death situation.
Good Luck.

Yes because this issue will and has affected relationships with men. All the guys I meet want a woman who can function in a normal sexual way. Not just someone who only likes oral sex. Sexual intercourse is supposed to be pleasureable for both women and men. And I am upset that I don't. You don't understand how frustrating it is to live in a world where your body is made dysfunctional and everyone around you is normal and can enjoy regular sex.

J_9 · Nov 19, 2007, 04:52 PM

Okay, calm down and guess what!! You are not alone! Many many women cannot orgasm with penetration alone. Many women can ONLY orgasm with clitoral stimulation. It doesn't make you any less of a woman.

Now you just have to get creative in finding different positions and different activities that include clitoral stimulation.

BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 04:59 PM

It's not about orgasming. It's not about that at all. The only time a woman feels pleasure isn't just when she is orgasming.. she has to find the thrusting of a penis pleasureable in order to climax from it. The thrusting doesn't feel good to me. It's like I have no nerves in my vagina or something because it's not physically pleasing. It feels like something is just moving around and that is it.

What really made me feel abnormal was when I read the Hitte report in the library.. well over 87% of women enjoy intercourse and says it feels good even though they can't orgasm.. well I intercourse doesn't feel good.. do you know how much of an oddball I feel.. the overwhelming majority of women like penetration.. the more I realize this the sadder I get

J_9 · Nov 19, 2007, 05:04 PM

I understand your pain, I really do. There is a new study out that says that women who take testosterone therapy actually have a heightened sense of "feeling" for lack of a better word as well as a higher sexual appetite.

BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 05:13 PM

How do I get this therapy? I went to see a GYN and she told me most women don't orgasm. When I further tried to explain to her that I was not complaining about lack of orgasms she didn't try to hear me out. She just kept going on and on about needing clitoral stimulation. I sat in silent frustration. In conclusion she just told me to have oral sex all the time and accept how my body is made. I left the clinic and cried in my car. This is devastating. I am going to live most of my life never being able to enjoy regular sex

J_9 · Nov 19, 2007, 05:19 PM

I hear you hon, I do. But you will have to get creative. Different positions (I'm sure you've tried), but sometimes that is how we are made. It sucks I know, but rather than dwelling and complaining we have to try to find new and unique things to try.

Unfortunately, some of us women are made that way, few nerve endings in the vaginal canal, and there is really not a whole lot we can do about it but accept it. I know you don't want to hear that, and I really didn't want to tell you that either.

But we have to experiment and find other things that we may enjoy.

ttara81 · Nov 19, 2007, 05:25 PM

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Sometimes the sex isn't as pleasurable for me either... I just kind of go with the flow. You say that no man would ever want to be with you, but that's not true. It may not be pleasurable for you, but you don't have to let him know that. If it makes you feel better... I've never had an orgasm from just penetration. I ALWAYS have to have clitoral stimulation in order to reach climax... and I've just accepted the fact that that's the way I am... please don't get so discouraged about this...

stonewilder · Nov 19, 2007, 05:27 PM

What you are going through I think is normal. You are still quite young. Sex is not the same in your 20's as in your 30's and 40's which is when most woman hit their prime. I did not have an orgasm worth talking about during intercourse till I was 26 years old. One thing that might help is to not stimulate your clitoris for a while. I am sure someone will disagree with that, but I have found that if I stimulate the clitoris too much over a period then that becomes the only way other than maybe oral that I will achieve an orgasm. Be patient with your body the best is yet to come, I promise.

BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 05:38 PM

Even though you didn't have an orgasm until you were 26 you still found the act itself pleasureable. I'm pretty sure you got plenty of pleasureable sensations from sex.. you just couldn't orgasm..

With me sex feels as good as pelvic exam. I know something is in there but it doesn't feel good.

This is truly devastating. I don't know how I am supposed to deal with this

Glimmer · Nov 19, 2007, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by BrownGirl123

But I have used dildos and its just as unsatisfying as it is with a male partner. It's no different. Sex is supposed to feel good. And this is supposed to come naturally to me. Why do I have to try so hard at something that other women just already know how to enjoy on their own?? I don't understand. I am very confused and sad. I don't know why my body is acting like this for so long. I have lost all hope

Don't give up! I never felt anything unless I did it myself... u know yourself not a dildo or a guy. Yes you can put the dildo in the spot but the emotions and feelings that you need to get arroused will not come unless the feelings are there.

BrownGirl123 · Nov 19, 2007, 06:37 PM

Well what exactly helped you enjoy sex?? I am desperate for an answer. When it comes to female sexual dysfunction there's no answer at all. They tell you its psychological and to see a therapist.. I don't see how that is going to make me feel something during sex I need medical treatment

Glimmer · Nov 19, 2007, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by BrownGirl123

well what exactly helped you enjoy sex??? I am desperate for an answer. when it comes to female sexual dysfunction there's no answer at all. they tell you its psychological and to see a therapist..i don't see how that is going to make me feel something during sex i need medical treatment

I just tried finding the position and the guy that I liked until I found out that if he thrust harder it begins to feel good and with that I now get multiple orgasms

Synnen · Nov 19, 2007, 06:48 PM

You know... you might be just thinking too much about it, be too self-conscious about it.

If you enjoy EVERYTHING else with a man, then intercourse is fun. But... it sounds like you've got a low self-image--and that comes across to guys. The right guy will just keep trying, you know. The WRONG guy is the kind that just gives up and walks away.

This probably IS a psychological problem--starting with loving yourself, because if you love yourself, this is MUCH less of a problem than you make it.

BrownGirl123 · Dec 2, 2007, 05:38 PM

Well, I've spoke with a guy and I told him my problem. His advice is that the reason I don't enjoy sex or feel anything is because of condoms. He suggests the next time I have sex I should go all natural. Sex can decrease pleasure for both men and women. That could be the reason. I should go on birth control pills so I won't get pregnant. Therefore the next time I have sex I'll be safe. I'm wondering is he right?

J_9 · Dec 2, 2007, 05:47 PM

You can go all natural if you are prepared to be a parent. Sure, no problem, but remember that no protection = pregnancy.

There is still a possibility of pregnancy no matter what form of birth control you use. So, it is entirely up to you. Just remember that with the pill you have to take it at the same time every day. Are you structured enough to remember that?

One thing I don't remember being mentioned here, and please forgive me if I am wrong, but do you fantasize during sex?

For some women who cannot have vaginal orgasms it is necessary to fantasize to achieve the goal at hand.

BrownGirl123 · Dec 2, 2007, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

You can go all natural if you are prepared to be a parent. Sure, no problem, but remember that no protection = pregnancy.

There is still a possibility of pregnancy no matter what form of birth control you use. So, it is entirely up to you. Just remember that with the pill you have to take it at the same time every day. Are you structured enough to remember that?

One thing I don't remember being mentioned here, and please forgive me if I am wrong, but do you fantasize during sex?

For some women who cannot have vaginal orgasms it is necessary to fantasize to achieve the goal at hand.

Well, no birth control is 100%, but the pill is pretty reliable. Or maybe I could get the nuvaring. That way I won't have to worry about taking the pill everday. I mean it's worth a shot to go natural with a guy if he's clean. It might be the answer to my problem.

During sex, yes I do fantasize but my mind starts to wander like crazy. I can only fantasize for so long then after awhile I literally get frustrated. And I just go blank. From there I am just waiting for the guy to you know finish..