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    Rosalina1823's Avatar
    Rosalina1823 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 5, 2017, 10:24 PM
    Abused Pregnant Woman
    Hello, my name is Kayla. I'm 20 years old, and am dating a 50 year old man. When I first started dating him, I felt like it was okay because he seemed to have been a nice person. Though now, I've seen his true colors... He has cursed at me before, called me out of my name, he's hit me, made me cry and yell, and he just now decided to get a job. I've been told that a man as old as he is should treat a woman as young as me as a queen, but he thinks there should be equal treatment between us. I am also pregnant with my first child, and he's the father. He has 6 other children, two of them are older than me, and the rest of them are only a few years younger than me. I use to think age was just a number, but I feel differently being with him. I honestly don't even love him anymore because of how degrading and disrespectful he is towards me. The only reason why I'm still with him is because I'm carrying his child. Should I still leave him anyway?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,250, Reputation: 5641
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    #2

    Dec 6, 2017, 12:49 AM
    Run, donít walk, away from this abusive pervert. The abuse will only get worse. Save your life and the life of your child while you still can.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,857, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Dec 6, 2017, 06:57 AM
    If you feel like you're being abused, and not in a good place with this person, then you should find a safe and secure place to have your unborn child. Sorry you let love blind you to this path with a serial baby maker, but you are no longer blind and now you know WHY he has many children, and not married to any baby mama, of which you will become the latest member of the club.

    You cannot use love as an excuse to being young and dumb any longer, because now you will be a mom!
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #4

    Dec 6, 2017, 01:42 PM
    No self-respecting 50 year old person will date a 20 year old. I am 53 and would not date anyone younger than late 40s. Why? Because it takes substance to make a relationship work, which includes shared life experience.

    No self-respecting 20 year old will date a 50 year old. If you have faith in yourself, you will seek someone as an equal partner rather than a father figure. I wonder if you have a father in your life - commonly young women who look for older men are either looking for easy money or to replace a dad.

    Age does matter because life experience and context matter. The difference between you and your "boyfriend" is exactly the same as that between my son and I - 30 years. When I even have a same-gender colleague your age, there is definitely kind of an aunt/neice vibe. They are not my peers. They cannot be my peers. We can be friendly at work, but am I going to hit the club with them? Uhm, no.

    In short, your boyfriend is 30 years behind in his personal development. He has not matured by 50 and has not been working, but got you pregnant. Idiot. He's a freaking idiot. He's not going to take care of you.

    So this is what you do. You dump him like a hot potato, you get a lawyer and you get a child support order for the coming child. You get a complete custody agreement and you make sure that he provides for the child. You do not trust him to take care of you - don't be dumb. He's immature and irresponsible, so do not put your child's welfare on that gamble. Force the issue with an attorney.

    Then, go get some counseling, resolve your father issues and figure out why you didn't have confidence you could do for yourself or you are going to repeat this mistake.

    Many men will date or marry a woman with a child, so he is not your last hope. Make him your last hopeless relationship instead. Focus on yourself and your child, get an education and a profession that pays well, make sure this guy has to pay and prepare to be a single mom. You can do it if you accept that it's your job to do it and get on with it. I strongly recommend mending any fences this relationship has most likely created with your family and work on building those relationships so you have support. If you don't have the support of your family, find a single moms' group so you can start to get to know others in your situation in case you might need to trade babysitting, exchange clothing and toys for the kids, or just get together for some play dates that are social for you, too. Assume you are on your own with this.

    And if you don't feel ready to be a single mom, consider adoption. I am an adoptive parent and adoption was best for everyone involved. He does know his birth mom - adoption has changed.

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