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    Jennifer Filang's Avatar
    Jennifer Filang Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 17, 2016, 09:04 PM
    I know it sounds like a cry for attention but...
    I'm a 13 year old girl. There is a lot of pressure at my school to be thin and pretty. I'm not a generally pretty girl, so I was hoping my body could make up for it. But whenever I look in the mirror all I see is fat. I'm 103 pounds and 5 2 to 5 3 feet tall. I have an overly large ribcage, which is strange, and it sticks out. Therefore my abs stick out, and the thin layer of fat on my lower abs sticks out too. I used to be able to lie down and not have this problem, but now when I lie down on my back, the fat sticks up in a straight line down my stomach. I also can grab a small handful of fat from my lower abs. My waist is 25 inches, is this too fat for a girl my age? I ve even thought about hurting myself over it, that s how fat I feel I am, even though I know some of it is in my head.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Sep 18, 2016, 03:30 AM
    It's tempting for me (about to turn 70) to say you are being silly. But I DO remember being 13, and I worried about every inch of my body and how I looked too. I think all of us did, and all kids your age do. I also think the pressure is worse nowadays than it ever was, mainly because of the internet and pictures everywhere.
    As you get older, you will be able to look past yourself and see that half the world makes you look like a movie star. You will also find out that friendliness and kindness get you a lot farther than looks do. Looks fade faster than a speeding bullet - it's character that counts. There are always some people who stay shallow about looks their whole lives, but it's easy to ignore them. If you have interests in life, such as an area of study you want to continue for a career, even better. So many girls still think it's all about getting a man. Then when it doesn't work out, you're an absolute wreck. You need a life of your own to fall back on, even the most beautiful ones do!
    Your weight is VERY good for your height. As for your waist, it's fine, and you are still growing, and hormones will change your shape too! You don't have to wear a bathing suit, and can wear darker tops that don't call attention to your torso. There is a famous news anchor on American TV who talked about how he had a caved-in chest as a kid (I forget the term for it) and he was sensitive about it. It didn't stop his life and career and happiness. Try not to let it stop yours. And stop looking in the mirror. Be nice to people instead. Not gushing all over them; just friendly hi's and smiles and a compliment here and there. It's a fact: when someone hears something nice about themselves, the person saying it is instantly gorgeous.

    Do you have one good close friend?
    Jennifer Filang's Avatar
    Jennifer Filang Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Sep 18, 2016, 05:37 AM
    I don't have any close friends, and I feel Like that is attributing to my mental body distortion
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Sep 18, 2016, 07:52 AM
    Sure, it might be. Is it possible that you are so self conscious that you don't look around at the girls who might feel the way you do? Can you think of someone in your class who is shy, not classically pretty, maybe alone a lot? Usually there are several... a best friend cures a lot.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,108, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Sep 18, 2016, 07:56 AM
    Are you athletic, or active outdoors on a daily basis? What does your mom say about not having any close friends? Any siblings? Who is YOUR role model? Yes self image, and self esteem is a very big deal at 13, because your BODY, AND mind are going through some natural drastic changes that you have to get a grip on, and that's when an older female can guide you. Talking to your mom, aunt(?), or a trusted teacher about this is your best bet before you get in a funk about this and harm yourself.

    That never helps and does worse harm than good. You are not alone as we all go through this at your age. Male, or female.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #6

    Sep 18, 2016, 11:16 AM
    I won't tell you that your weight is fine because I know that once you have it in your mind that it's not, no one can tell you different. I have a daughter around your age, she just turned 14, and I know all too well from her, and from when I was younger, how every little thing that's different about you, can turn into a major issue in your head. My daughter is very thin and very tall, and very pretty, but she doesn't see that. She sees small boobs, long gawky legs. She hates her chin, doesn't like her eyebrows, and no matter how many people tell her how pretty she is, she can only see the things she deems as faults. I look at her and I see a gorgeous girl, and not only because she's my daughter.

    So, instead of telling you you're fine I'm going to second the advice that Talaniman gave, and I'm going to suggest that you do more for yourself. Eat well, exercise every day. If you have a dog, take him/her for walks every day, at least 30 minutes. Walking is one of the best forms of exercise. Make sure you eat healthy foods and drink lots of water (8 cups a day). No pop, no junk food.

    It sounds to me like your weight is fine but you may just need to tone your body a bit. Exercise and a healthy diet are the best ways to do that.

    Now, as a mom, and as a woman that used to be your age and went through the same thing you're going through, I want to say that you can't judge yourself so harshly. Don't look at others when judging your body. Everyone is different. Learn to work with your body to look the best it can, and learn to accept yourself for who you are.

    Another idea is to join a school sport or group. There are normally tons of groups at school, and it's a great way to meet people and make friends.

    Above all, you're 13, and this is normal at your age, but one day all of this won't matter that much to you. Hang on, it does get easier the older you get.

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