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    lady intan's Avatar
    lady intan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 31, 2009, 10:20 PM
    Why do people think its so wrong to get married young?
    So many people asked me, why will I get married in young age,so many negative judgment instead of positive statement like "are you out of your mind?", "how can you be so sure"?
    "oh, youre just a kiddo", and the meaniest is "You will end up in divorce! And blah blah blah.
    A lot of people who say this probably they have had a bad experience plus it's a lot easier to just go along with the crowd.


    For me its not about the age, age doesn't show maturity. But its about found your soulmate, some people have to wait so long to found it some of them didn't find it but I found mine in my young age that's all what count, I could never found someone better and I know I could never live without him and so with him. We are meant to be together.
    Well now I'll answer you guys, I don't need you to be agree with me, I'm telling you this so you guys don't underestimate what we have, its beyond your imagination, what we have is something Great, amazing feeling that maybe some of you could never understand until you experienced it by yourself.



    I really love my fiancée he is a good dependable guy, But I think the main reason I will marry him was because it felt right, in everything, we are so connected even thou his few miles away, and I so much trust in him. It was 100% yes, when he asked me. 100% sure, 100% Happiness inside, 100% sincere, and 100% commitment loyal to each other.I don't want to marry someone that I can live with, I'll marry this guy that I cannot live without.I believe it is much better to marry the right person at the wrong time than to marry the wrong person at the right time. He is my Mr.Right, He is the guy that every girl ever ask for,my prince charming scene, and no one ever loved me like he do. No fears of getting hurt, because I definitely know how much we love each other.


    Who says that the early 20’s is the wrong time to marry, anyway? We know what counts in life, I don't want to be like the others end up in the bed with different guy in different night. Is that make you happy? Ing around? Don't you want to feel somebody laying in your arms and tell you how much he loves you, hearing him breathing next to you? Listen to his heart beat? I know its classical but that's the moment when you realised that your life is so complete to have somebody that always stand by your side in good and bad time.somebody to share joy,laughter,tears, to solved everything together. And I'm so much ready for that. I really dO! I want him to be first thing that I see when I wake up, and the last thing that I see before I go to bed, isn't that wonderful? With him I can be myself and so with him I think every girl wished for a hapapy marriage.. and that’s very normal.. but true love is so hard to find I know but once you found it oh god its ing awesome feeling inside you and makes you want to cry because of happiness.:)


    Be honest to yourself, you also wants that one day somebody ask you to spend his life with you and only you, like in cinderella scene? You tired of waiting your boyfriend to purpose you right? Because baby in a fact he is not sure that you're the mrs.Right
    That's why many people living together for many years but too afraid of commitment because they are not sure that their partner is the right person, at least not yet.. don't you want everyday someone looking deep into your eyes and tells you that he loves you, someone too share the story after you came home. Somebody to talk to and make fun of other people hehehe.:D so when you're in love and ready to commit it doesn't mater if you 21 or 81![/B]
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #2

    Jan 31, 2009, 10:31 PM

    If getting married young is so wonderful, why are you being so defensive about it?
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,678, Reputation: 1649
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    #3

    Feb 1, 2009, 02:53 AM

    Hi, lady intan!

    Wondergirl has made an excellent point above and I do hope that you return to address her question.

    I would like to ask you a question also. Who are these people who're giving you these admonitions about getting married, please?

    Thanks!
    raynarambo's Avatar
    raynarambo Posts: 22, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Feb 1, 2009, 03:03 AM
    WOW! I would have to say that what everyone else has to say about your marriage has got your mind going. It almost seems like you are trying to talk yourself into this marriage. Maybe you weren't as sure as you thought you were and maybe you should sit down and honestly think a little harder about this before you do it. Not because of the age factor, but just because you don't seem to sure of your decision.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #5

    Feb 1, 2009, 03:07 AM

    I think I get a sense of why some people might be saying things like this to you. You are seeing marriage as a fantasy world. A "Cinderella" with her "soul mate Prince Charming!" Yes, that feeling is wonderful. That is what is so great about young love! I'm sure you will not find one person here who hasn't had that experience, and it's one you'll never forget!

    But, sorry to rain on your parade, and I'm sure you're going to disagree with every word I'm going to say. BUT, if you listen carefully, intead of dispelling everything I say, you may learn something that will help you in getting married at a young age. People aren't saying these things to you to be mean. People are saying them because they are true, and they are trying to help you to see the reality of it. You are not the first person to 100% believe and know in their heart of hearts, their soul of souls, that you are with the guy that you will love forever, and he will too because he's told you so.

    The reality is, love isn't just that warm mushy gushy feeling that you have. Relationships take hard hard work. I can hear you right now saying to me, but we "love" each other, and both of us will do whatever it takes to make it work! Will you? The thing that everyone is trying to get across to you, it that you haven't got the life experience and yes, "maturity" under your belt, for your theory to stand on it's own.

    You are doing great right now! I wouldn't want to take the "feeling" that you are having away from you. But as people mature, so does the way they both see things, and the way they act and react. That changes with age. It doesn't matter whether you stay married or not, it's just a fact of life.

    I read carefully what you wrote, and it sounded just like the line from "Jerry McGuire"... "He completes me!" No one can "complete" you! They can "compliment" you, but only "you" can "complete" you!

    I know you think right now that the way you feel will never ever change. The way he feels about you, will never ever change! That is romantic love. It is not day to day realistic love. The whole "soul mate" thing is a farce. It's a popular catch phrase.

    The day will come when your "soul mate" decides that he is going to go off with his buddies, because he can no longer stand the sound of screaming babies and smelly diapers. Or the day that he needs to go out with his buddies just because he feels like it, and leaves you at home by yourself, and he doesn't come home until 5am. Or the day when he has to take on three jobs because you can't make the mortgage payment. Or the day when you get so angry with him because you've had a bad day at work, or with the kids, and he doesn't want to hear about it! Or the day that he comes home from a 16 hr day at work, and the house is a mess, and you are no longer greeting him at the door in lingerie, ready to give him all of your attention. Or the day when the bank repossesses your home and takes away your car, because you couldn't keep up with the payments. These are just a few examples, and trust me, he won't look like Prince Charming to you then, and you certainly won't look like Cinderella... well at least not Cinderella at the ball, but rather Cinderella the Chimney Sweep.

    If you can say that none of this will ever happen to you, because you just "love" each other soooo much, then you are NOT ready to get married. Marriage is a FULL TIME JOB! One day you may get a "pay raise," and the next your pay is docked, and you've been demoted.

    Also, if you can tell me that none of this will ever happen to you because you "love" each other so much, then I would like an autographed copy of your book! And if you skimmed over this and thought, she doesn't know what she's talking about, send me an autographed copy of your divorce papers.

    If you've got any chance of making your marriage work through thick and thin, I strongly suggest you both go to couples counseling before that walk down the aisle. If you are not willing to do that, then you are not willing to do the work it takes to make a young marriage work.

    Are you ready to work at it? If you are willing to put the time and energy into it, and put aside the skyrockets and fairytales for the time being, to put in the effort, then I will be very happy for you! :)
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #6

    Feb 1, 2009, 10:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by starbuck8 View Post
    Are you ready to work at it?
    You are so right! It does take work! I married right out of college, at 21. That's what young women did back then. Getting married somehow "proved" you were an adult.

    Now I wish with all my heart I would have waited and established a teaching career, traveled, met interesting people, met uninteresting people (:D), moved to Idaho, bought horses instead of a house, had a houseful of rescued dogs and cats, attended grad school when I was young (and not in my 40s), learned to ski, dated a whole bunch of guys, tried out other careers along the way, established myself as a person in my own right rather than as half of a couple, checked out potential in-laws more carefully, and made more of a difference in people's lives.

    After doing all that, maybe, just maybe, I would have been mature enough and would have been ready to take on the work that marriage demands.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #7

    Feb 1, 2009, 10:25 AM

    The only problem I have with getting married so young is most younger people jump into everything from an instant and convenient mentality. They don't think or plan 'down the road' then they find out that the other wants to go to college in another state while they want to stay in their hometown, the one wants lots of kids while the other doesn't want any. If a young couple can look at things from reality instead of here and now emotions then I really don't see anything wrong with kids marrying young.
    I have seen couples marrying young and then one decides they are not happy and need 'to go find their self' because they eventually feel they were cheated out of something.
    I have also seen childhood sweethearts happily ever after too.
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    Becca1025 Posts: 422, Reputation: 45
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    #8

    Feb 2, 2009, 10:43 AM

    IF you honestly feel it is the right thing for the two of you, why should you care what others think? You shouldn't even feel the need to explain yourself if you truly think it's right. I'm in my early 20's, we have two kids (well a 13 month old and our second baby due any day now) and we are constantly told we're not going to make it and that we are ruining our lives. All I did was smile and nod and tell them "okay." Why should I have to prove to them that my fiancé and I are going to work? As long as I know it myself and my fiancé knows it, why should it matter what others say or think. We are constantly being doubted, but I don't care. Let others think/say what they want to, I don't need to sit there and try to convince THEM that we are doing the right thing for US. You're whole entire post seems like you're trying to convince yourself, so you may want to look into why you even needed to make this post.
    Also if you think it's going to be a fairy tale ending, then you are in for a VERY BIG surprise. We have lived together for three years, it is hard work. Sure you think you can't stand to be separated from each other for even aminute at this point, but eventually that puppy love feeling is going to fade and it turns into HARD work.
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    lady intan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Feb 3, 2009, 08:47 AM
    :) thanks everyone for the comment, I really really appreciated. Keep it up all:) I like to see what other people think about it. And so far all of the comments are great and to the point.
    lady intan's Avatar
    lady intan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Feb 3, 2009, 09:26 AM

    Well here is the story, I'm 20 years old, and my fiancé 24. My friends always told me that my marriage will end up with divorce. I need a support from my friends, but they all judges us instead. Jealousy most. And I write this on my FB so they know what the real reason I'm getting married in young age. And married in young age is not wrong at all.



    I guess that today people don't think that we are able to realize what love is because that we are young. They think that its just a little phase that we are going through. A lot of adults don't believe that we know how hard marriage is but we do,we see it all the time. What I need to do is show that we are going to make it work no matter what. Action is better than talk and after people see what we are doing to make each other happy they will begin to help us instead of bringing us down its true that marriage is hard but together we are strong and we can make it


    And we do really know its not like fairy tale.. but together we strong and we can work it out. Just like how hard you try to make it work all these time. I will experience too, I know.

    And I am sure of what I'm doing, really. Trust me I've been through lots of pain in this life. Mom passed away when I was 16. Dad abonden me. And I definitely know how hard life is. Please don't get me wrong. I write this post just so people know married young its not wrong at all as long as you sure about it and think clearly. We are the one who can control this marriage either feels like heaven on earth or even hell.


    And what we have is not only mushy gushy feeling. We have been sacrificed a lot to make this relationship work.. I didn't pick up the line from jerry mcwho? Movie I said thats the moment when you realised that your life is so complete when you have someone who loves you as much as you do, when someone there for you when you happy or sad. And I do believe in soulmate

    And yes,starbuck8 thanks for sharing us about your life and your marriage situation. I'm sure I also will experience this. But are talk about it long time ago. But then again. There's nothing that we cannot do. Reality is a I know. But both of us will fight together, support each other. That's what the partner do right?


    But then again As long as we know we are making the right decision for us not anyone else that's what I do! Then we will go for it. We don't need to live our life for other people.. we need to live it for ourself, we are the only who knows what is right for us. So if people say, oh.. your too young.. they can think that, but all that I want is there support and them backing us.


    vielen dank.
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    babygirl85 Posts: 37, Reputation: 7
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    #11

    Feb 3, 2009, 09:31 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lady intan View Post
    well here is the story, im 20 years old, and my fiance 24. my friends always told me that my marriage will end up with divorce. i need a support from my friends, but they all judges us instead. jealousy most. and i write this on my FB so they know what the real reason i'm getting married in young age. and married in young age is not wrong at all.



    I guess that today people dont think that we are able to realize what love is because that we are young. They think that its just a little phase that we are going through. Alot of adults dont believe that we know how hard marriage is but we do,we see it all the time. What i need to do is show that we are going to make it work no matter what. Action is better than talk and after people see what we are doing to make each other happy they will begin to help us instead of bringing us down its true that marriage is hard but together we are strong and we can make it


    and we do really know its not like fairy tale.. but together we strong and we can work it out. just like how hard u try to make it work all these time. i will experience too, i know.

    and iam sure of what im doing, really. trust me i've been thru lots of pain in this life. mom passed away when i was 16. dad abonden me. and i definetly know how hard life is. please dont get me wrong. i write this post just so people know married young its not wrong at all as long as u sure about it and think clearly. we are the one who can control this marriage either feels like heaven on earth or even hell.


    and what we have is not only mushy gushy feeling. we have been sacrificed a lot to make this relationship work.. i didnt pick up the line from jerry mcwho? movie i said thats the moment when you realised that your life is so complete when u have someone who loves u as much as u do, when someone there for u when u happy or sad. and i do believe in soulmate

    and yes,starbuck8 thanks for sharing us about ur life and ur mariage situation. im sure i also will experience this. but are talk about it long time ago. but then again. theres nothing that we cannot do. reality is a i know. but both of us will fight together, support each other. thats what the partner do right?


    But then again As long as we know we are making the right decision for us not anyone else thats what i do! then we will go for it. we dont need to live our life for other people.. we need to live it for ourself, we are the only who knows what is right for us. So if people say, oh.. your too young.. they can think that, but all that i want is there support and them backing us.


    vielen dank.


    I had lots of jealousy around me when they heard that my husband and I were getting married and moving. A word of advice.. if those people who call themselves your friends can't be happy for you or express their concerns in a mature manner, then they need to be dropped. I have had friends make decisions which I thought were stupid, but I supported them. And if it warranted a little conversation, I came at them with love and support, but sheer concern. A friend is there for you no matter what. That's all I can say.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #12

    Feb 3, 2009, 09:59 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by babygirl85 View Post
    I had lots of jealousy around me when they heard that my husband and i were getting married
    It isn't always jealousy. Older friends and relatives make "negative" comments because they themselves have survived bad decisions and don't want you to experience the problems and perhaps unhappiness they did. And people give unasked-for advice and opinions no matter what -- about your dog, about your new baby, about your crying child, about the clothes you have on, about your head cold, about your driving, about your husband's behavior or appearance, about the color of your living room... Someone always has something to say about something, so one has to learn how to listen to and possibly heed the important and useful advice and ignore the rest.
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    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #13

    Feb 3, 2009, 04:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by babygirl85 View Post
    I had lots of jealousy around me when they heard that my husband and i were getting married and moving. A word of advice..if those people who call themselves your friends can't be happy for you or express their concerns in a mature manner, then they need to be dropped. I have had friends make decisions which i thought were stupid, but i supported them. and if it warranted a little conversation, i came at them with love and support, but sheer concern. a friend is there for you no matter what. that's all i can say.
    Babygirl, as Wondergirl said, it isn't always jealousy, and you don't have to dump all of the friends that have a negative reaction. Some friends might know or see something that you just don't, because you are too close to the situation, and also because you might not want to see it, because you are in love. I got married a month after I turned 19. Many friends and family tried to tell me that it had a slim chance of working out if I didn't do "X Y and Z." Well I thought I was smarter than them, and I knew what I was doing! I was all grown up, and I thought they just didn't know what the heck they were talking about. I just knew I was smarter than they were, and my situation was different than the typical 19 yr. old. Well 5 yrs. Later, I was divorced, and missing a few friends that new more than I did. So, it sure isn't always jealousy. Sometimes it's friends and family that care about you, and can see the big picture better than you can see it!
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    La Siesta Encantada Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Feb 6, 2009, 12:00 PM

    My fiancé and I are getting married in Oct. we are in our lower 20's. We have both establised our careers, I have my veterinary assistance degree and he has his welding degree. I feel that you should get married when YOU feel you are ready not when people say is OK, and if people are saying comments don't let it bother you. If you know it is right then it is, if you have any regrets or thoughts then sit down and think about it. Age is just a number after awhile and you need to live your life how YOU want to live it. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!
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    La Siesta Encantada Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Feb 6, 2009, 12:06 PM
    Live and let learn!
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    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #16

    Feb 6, 2009, 12:06 PM

    The reason it is discouraged is because at 20 you are still maturing and changing.The person you are at 20 will look like a child to you at 30.
    I married my high-school sweetheart at 18 and I was separated by 20. We grew in totally different directions and it happens all the time.
    You must experience life to know what you want from life.
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    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #17

    Feb 6, 2009, 01:35 PM

    I got married at 24 and I thought that was young. It wasn't easy, even though both of us had established our careers, we'd been together for 5 years, and we did and still do love each other.

    I don't regret getting married at 24, but I know I would have if I'd married at 19.

    If you love each other so much why are you in such a rush? Do you think that if you don't have it signed sealed and delivered that he'll move on to something else? Marriage doesn't prevent that.

    If you have a good relationship, truly love each other, then what's the harm in waiting until you're a bit older?
    LearningAsIGo's Avatar
    LearningAsIGo Posts: 2,653, Reputation: 350
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    #18

    Feb 6, 2009, 01:47 PM

    Heck, I thought I was a baby when I got married!

    We met when I was 20, he was 27.
    We moved in after 2 weeks of dating.
    We worked and went through college together.
    Graduated.
    Got engaged... then married.

    By the time we got married, I was 28 and he was almost 35.

    I'm 30 now and I'm thrilled to say I didn't get married any younger. Even though we have been together non-stop since meeting, there was no need to rush. I still had so much I wanted to do... so many ways to grow before taking on the commitment of marriage If we had married sooner, who knows if it would have lasted.
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    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #19

    Feb 26, 2009, 03:04 AM

    Simply put, more than half of marriages end in divorce and loss of love is rarely the reason. If people stopped loving each other, divorce wouldn't be such a nightmare... All that spewing of hatred and fighting and bickering is just love in a very, very disappointed and hurt stage of the game.

    What people end marriages over is often the same things. Money is probably the biggest... not having enough money and not managing money responsibility, or one partner having too much of the financial responsibility is a huge, huge straining factor in marriage. If you are not through college and settled before you get married with some kind of financial start in life, your chances of bringing financial stress into your marriage are 100%

    Another huge factor in divorce is infidelity, most often by the man. Why? They are wired to play the field. Mature men have typically gotten this out of their system in their early adulthood. Marrying the guy early does not erase this need - it just delays it. When it will crop up again is anyone's guess. The chances of infidelity being an issue in a very young marriage is huge!

    There is also the issue of family support. Family can make or break a marriage, as can friends. You have a lot of friends now? Just wait until you're married and they are single... they will drop like flies. They won't intend to, but your married lifestyle will no longer synch with their young, free lifestyle and you will drift apart. Without family support, that is one more strike against you.

    Most marriages fail... at every age. It is astronomically more likely if you are not through your education and/or job training and living as adults separately before you marry.

    When will you know you are ready to marry? When you know that your partner has a lot of flaws. When you know that you irritate him. When you've had some good fights and worked through them. When you are not taking any financial help from your parents - for anything. When you have a reliable car, money in the bank, and a decent home that you can afford - an apartment is fine, but affordable and habitable. You are ready for marriage when you have a healthy dose of realistic concerns and know how much work it is to make it work over the long haul.

    Romance is wonderful but it fades, and when that happens, you need to have something really, really solid underneath that marriage - the shared love of your families, the shared support of your friends, a shared feeling that being settled is where you are most comfortable, and so on.
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    tntdynamite Posts: 92, Reputation: 6
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    #20

    Feb 26, 2009, 10:27 AM

    I think the reason is that the person you are at 25, you won't be at 40. That's not to say that the marriage will end the second you change, you might change into someone better. All that matters is that you try to make the marriage work. You can have people get married when they're 50, and divorce a few years later because they weren't willing to work.

    Everybody changes. And the person you fall in love with in your 20's could be gone later on in the marriage. But I truly believe that just because you're young doesn't mean you'll divorce, or whatever.

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