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    SHARONS79's Avatar
    SHARONS79 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 25, 2006, 12:27 AM
    I fiancé and I are planning our wedding which started to be a large affair.. However, with everyone’s lack of interest I would just rather elope. My family lives 3000 miles away and I’ve tried communicating by phone with what needs to be done but it just ends up in an argument. My mother is not as interested or excited as I thought she would be. My fiance’s family do not have a relationship with me outside of him and my father already said he will have nothing to do with it (not because of anything my fiancé did, my father is just a difficult man) We plan to invite 50 people 5 would be from my family. Now I don’t feel like having a reception just so I can avoid the father-daughter situation and so I don’t have to throw a party for my future in laws which is what it would seem like since they are a majority of the guests.
    We considered the destination wedding with just mothers but it would put a financial strain on my mom and I feel if I were to elope I would regret my mother not being there.
    What do I do? I have 5 months to decide.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
    Uber Member

    Mar 25, 2006, 01:24 AM
    I say elope and have the party.

    my wife and I did this and it worked out beautifully. Had just a few friends who were on vacation with us at the wedding and wife's father.

    the party back home was largely wife's extended family, maybe 1/8 was "mine"... we also had some parent conflict potential at the party. My father chose not to come. Her bitterly divorced parents both came and behaved.

    it was a fun celebration and I'm glad we did it. Even those upset they couldn't attend the wedding had a good time.

    don't knock having the party for the inlaws. Even if they have not much to do with you, that's OK. I can tell you it took a couple of years of marriage for me to get to really know my wife's family better, and we had dated 1.5 years prior to wedding. It also shows them some respect and gives them a chance to celebrate your union.

    I know the father thing is tough. That's no reason to not have the celebration either.

    so my first answer is do what feels right. Not what anyone else wants.

    my addendum is the party is probably a gesture worth doing if you can afford it. In our case it was the perfect compromise. You'll be nervous until about 30 minutes in, and then you'll have fun. =)
    bizygurl's Avatar
    bizygurl Posts: 522, Reputation: 110
    Senior Member

    Mar 25, 2006, 05:13 AM
    I have to agree with kp2171.. eloping in this case seems the best way to go about it. Im sorry to hear both sides of the family are acting like that. Its unfourtunate because this is your big day and its important to you. But the most important thing is you and your fiancée, do what would both make you the most happy and with the least amount of stress. Elope and then have the party... so you can get the real stressful part of the situation i.e.. Getting married.. out of the way and then invite who you want to the reception or party if they show up, fantastic if not then at least you can enjoy yourself with the friends and family that do.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member

    Mar 25, 2006, 05:47 AM
    One of the things that will come up later, when families don't get along, will be more important than your present decision of whether to elope. Moms, both sides, have the opportunity to be a grandma. Things later will be of more concern with you in this marriage; such as, will the Mom's actually be allowed to be a grandma? Will they ever be with their grandchildren?
    Family matters are important. When two people get married, then believe it or not, their families are actually "married", too.
    You should elope, and stop worrying about it. Getting people together, not caring for each other, is tough enough if they only live a 100 miles apart. But, 3000 miles?
    Spending the next 5 months trying to get these families together for a wedding won't be worth the worry and aggravation. Go for elopement.
    I do wish you the very best, and wish you happiness in the time to come after the marriage.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7692

    Mar 25, 2006, 08:45 AM
    Elope is a very good choice and one that more couples need to consider.

    Far too many people in up in deep debt on their first day of marriage because of paying for people to travel or large wedding parties

    Get it video taped and send close family a copy.

    We have some great places to elope here in Tennessee.
    Madyson's Avatar
    Madyson Posts: 11, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Oct 26, 2008, 10:14 PM

    ITS YOUR DAY not your familys do what you want to do as long as you and the man your wanting to marry is there who care who elsa is there

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