[Dunebunny]

This is long. Am I crazy for thinking this way... I think I just need to vent.

My husbands friends wife befriended me by trying to get me involved with quilting. I'm not really into sewing but I kind of liked it and got involved. She's very obsessive about it now. At first, she was just starting and mostly can only talk quilting, quilting, quilting. Nothing about family, the weekend, how was your day? Not much else... the last few years have been like this.

I mentioned to her a few years ago that I was into scrapbooking and that another friend of mine, T, do this hobby. I didn't ask her to become involved in my hobby because I knew she didn't care for "T" and she had come out and told me this. I never told "T" this though... not my place to say anything. She also said she really can't get involved in another hobby... too expensive. So... more later on that (down the page)

Anyway... We bought ATV's and a trailer before we were really good friends with them. But now they went out and bought a trailer, ATV's and want to go camping with us EVERY time we want to go. She complained to me that she wanted a trailer as BIG as ours, that ours was MUCH nicer... blah blah blah. I heard it from her the entire first camping trip with them!

I got a Chevy Tahoe... my ultimate vehicle that I've been waiting to buy myself. They went out and bought a smaller SUV and brought it over to show us... only she CONSTANTLY complained that she wanted a Tahoe... JUST LIKE MINE... but her husband said they were too expensive. But she must have complained at LEAST 10 times during the 1/2 hr visit!

We've gone out for dinner, they've paid. Even if we tell them beforehand we're not going to dinner if you guys pay... they quickly grab the bill and charge it. They tell us that my husband does a lot for them so it's always their treat. My husband doesn't do any more than what a FRIEND would do to help another friend. I feel we are being bought as friends and although having a free meal is nice... every time isn't. I wasn't raised that way. Since then I've turned down their dinner requests... I just make an excuse and my husband does too.

My husband and I started donating blood together a few years ago... but I became anemic and was unable to after a while. SHE INVITED herself to my husbands donation appointment so SHE could start donating blood. And NOW she goes every time, the same time he does! Her husband drops her off and my husband takes her home! She even went to donate blood on her husband's 50th birthday... he ended up going to dinner with his 12 year old son... while SHE went to donate blood! I was fumed at this woman's gaul but I trust my husband and he thinks it's a little strange but, guys, they just don't get it!

My husband and I planned an anniversary get away to Disneyland a couple of years ago. We were going to go for a week. Guess who asked about Disneyland and how we got our discount rates and then said she wanted to go. And guess which time... WHEN WE WERE GOING! And then said her husband didn't want to go but she would take his son... who she CANNOT stand and has made it obvious... even now! I squashed that by telling her it's my husband and I's anniversary and we really want to be alone. But she still kind of pushed it and said "Oh...but we don't all have to hang out together." Yeah, right.

She ended up NOT going. DUH! Don't you get it woman!

There's more to all these little things that she annoys me with but the clencher, and my REAL recent gripe is my husband and I are planning to move to North Dakota next year. He told our friends that we need to just get out of California... it's so expensive and we have inherited 2 acres w/a nice home in the area where his fathers side of the family all live.

Guess who tells me a week later, "we just need to get out of California."

You guessed it! The friend from H***. I told her "Oh...cool...you can move to Idaho and build on your property. You have a great place to move!" They have property in Idaho and plan to build a home. She said, "well...we just want to go sometime next year." I sarcastically told her, "Where to? North Dakota?" She said "Why not?!" In all her perkiness. I was livid (inside). I told her why in the heck North Dakota... your property in Idaho is SO beautiful and the weather isn't as harsh!

I just ended to entire conversation.

NOW. A day or so AFTER that ND conversation, she decides to befriend my friend "T" (the one she didn't care for) and goes balls out into scrapbooking. She spent over $1000.00 in one week purchasing everything scrapbooking. She invited herself to my friend "T"'s scrapbooking room and even bought the more EXPENSIVE die cut machine... one that "T" said SHE wanted to get but couldn't afford it.

When I saw her I told her "I thought you were trying to watch your money?" (because this is what she told me about a month ago... that her husband told her to stop spending money on quilting stuff... that they need to focus on their remodel of their current home... which is costing them a lot of money). Anyway, her seemingly quick sounding robotic response was "well...you can't take it with you."

"T" called me and told me she is driving her crazy! If she doesn't bring her scrapbooking stuff to "T's", she brings her sewing machine, iron, ironing board, fabric, etc. to "T's" house to do THAT! And then doesn't even talk to her really... just starts getting into her sewing or sitting down messing with her new die cut machine (which she wanted to show off to me and I told her I was actually busy that day... but told her nicely to have fun with it).

I told "T" looks like she made a new friend. She didn't find that amusing and sympathized with me now knowing what a strange bird this woman is.

I'm distancing myself from the woman now and politely turning down her every effort to get me to do stuff with her. She hasn't bugged me for a week now and I'm actually happy. I felt bad at first but looking back at all this stuff I've gone through with this obsessive, copy cat friend... I really don't miss her.

We don't have much in common and I need a life WITHOUT them following us to ND! It will only be the same there and I can't take it!

My husband agrees... he doesn't want anyone following us there either. We may not even stay so why uproot and go. He hasn't discussed ND with his friend anymore. His friend and him are still good friends. I don't want to come between them and I actually like his friend. It's his WIFE I can't take any longer! My aunt told me I'm not obligated to be her friend by default just because my husband and her husband are friends.

And I want to do stuff with my friend "T" but we now feel uncomfortable with this woman having pushed herself in between. "T" and I have other mutual friends that we don't mind going out and doing stuff with but this other woman just squashes our fun because she also seems like she WANTS to one up on people.

I know that I should be flattered when someone wants to have the same things as you... but there's a limit! Maybe she's insecure or unhappy somewhere along the line.

This all came to a head with the whole North Dakota thing and I ABSOLUTELY don't want them raining on our parade. This is my husband and myself's adventure and we will FINALLY be together as husband and wife... doing stuff just the two of us... WITHOUT having his friends involved! I don't mind them visiting but don't stay!

I should add that she doesn't have any friends besides me... and now "T" but "T" said she's kind of backed off and hasn't come over for a while. The woman does have a kind of friend from the quilting stuff but not really.

I know I may be wrong in how I feel. I'm not jealous... I'm just annoyed by this woman. She's very pushy and this thing she has about my husband... men in general... is weird. It's not sexual, it's just she has to have that attention.

She even jokingly touched my husband booby... long story... but, in short, we went to dinner a few years back and when we got outside, he said it was cold and she put her hand ON his SHIRT, touched his booby and said "How cold?" Her husband didn't say peep. And when I got in the car with my husband, he said that wasn't the first time she's done that. THAT was at the beginning of our friendship... and now all this other stuff that I've mentioned before has happened!

She works with only men (as a supervisor) so my husband says she gets along well with them. Like I said, men just don't get it from a female point of view but then why should they? They're not. I just think she steps over the line.

I can't sit down with her and talk to her woman to woman either... tell her what's eating at me. My aunt says to do what I'm doing and turn down invitations to stuff, maybe not take her calls, etc. Which she hasn't called... it's all email and I've politely said no to everything and sometimes give her a nice excuse. I think she's gotten the message but it just takes a while... because she IS pushy and just doesn't take a hint.

I wasn't raised to be mean to people but I've NEVER experienced someone quite like this person.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for letting me vent completely.

[Canada_Sweety]

L0L! Not a prob. Venting is good for you:D

[RubyPitbull]

Hey Dune! Great vent! Great read! I think you have the makings of a best selling author in you. I laughed, I cried,. LOL.

This is the best place to go to get things off your chest.

Your Aunt has given you some very good advice. You are handling this "friend" in the right way. There isn't any need to let her know her shortcomings in the social department. It is hurtful, she won't change and the only thing it will accomplish is to get her upset and angry at you. Your friend "T" should just do what you are doing. This other woman will eventually back off.

As a woman who worked in the male dominated Construction Industry years ago, I have met women like her. Kind of like "Single White Female" material, only she is married. They got along well enough with the men. They enjoyed the attention a captive audience of men gave to them. Loved using the sexual double entendres (sp?). Couldn't relate to other women in a normal way, at all. It all stems from severe inferiority complex & insecurities, and never having the benefit of a true friendship with a woman at any time in their lives. It is rather sad.

You are a strong woman and you have not been rude in dealing with her. You have been assertive. There is nothing wrong with that. Without being assertive, she would have continued to steamroll her way into your life making you a doormat and miserable. Stand your ground and let her "friendship" fall to the wayside. Sometimes we have to weed out those individuals that make our lives difficult. It is just the way things are. You have a right to be with the people who you enjoy being with. As your Aunt stated, just because the two husbands are friends does not mean you have to be her friend. It would be nice if the two of you were able to find a friendship, but you haven't. There is nothing to be sorry for or feel guilty over. It is a fact of life that during it, we will meet people we don't like and who don't like us.

Smile! :)

[Dunebunny]

Thanks for you reply. The way you put it made me feel better about my vent. It's my first post so I wasn't sure how people would respond. Thanks again!

[RubyPitbull]

You are welcome. I am glad you feel better about it. You did post it perfectly. A lot of people don't include, "I need to Vent" or "This is a Vent!" That really is the best way for others to know exactly what you expect and it will head off someone else giving you a lot of lip service or slamming you. Not you, per se, but sometimes people will rant about their spouses, kids, or pets and call them stupid, "retarded", or something even worse. If they don't let anyone know it is a rant and they need to vent, people will climb all over them for it.

[Dunebunny]

People rant about their pets? Geez! Is it a negative rant? I'm a full time professional pet sitter... I can't imagine people rant about their pets in a negative way. I would hope pets are a positive influence on everyone. If they aren't then those humans shouldn't have pets.

But that's a whole other post and could result in a heated discussion... I'm just not up to that task this early in the morning LOL... besides... gotta go tend to some kitties!

That aside. Thanks again :)

[GoldieMae]

Dunebunny,

That was a great rant. I think we've all had "that friend" sometime in our lives. I do feel sorry for "T" though.

I would like to offer you (from experience) one small piece of advice: don't tell the uber-friend the things that irk you about her. She will turn on you like a pit viper, deem you her enemy, and will try very hard to ruin your friendship with "T".

Other than that, hope you enjoy South Dakota.

[Dunebunny]

Thanks...

Oh man... I've NEVER said anything to her that irks me... never, ever! These few years I just go along with what she wants to do and I feel this whole time I've been pretending to be her friend. I even have to THINK of things to talk about with her and... well... it's not the same as with my other friends who can laugh, joke, be serious about our problems, have mutual things in common. I wouldn't want someone that is pretending to be MY friend for the sake of my husband and HIS friendship with her husband. I feel this is how it's been.

Also, I just don't really have it in me to blurt out my feelings to someone... except my husband of course... poor guy. But when it comes to people, my Mom always taught us to be nice. That, in turn, has made us doormats for the most part, except for one brother who must have had it borne into him to be defiant but he still has been used. I think we all have.

I HAVE been told by several people to just come out and tell her what bugs me... but, again, it's not in me.

I'm the type that rehearses in front of a mirror what I'm going to say and then when the time comes, I freak out and everything comes out all wrong... so I'm a mouse instead (because of past freak-outs)...

I was never good at oral reports either... should have taken a ToastMasters course at one point in my life.

Anyway, I haven't told her my feelings about her wackiness and that it pisses me off.

And what do they say? Silence is deadly... not that I wish DEATH on her but metaphorically speaking. Maybe deadly as in the end of the friendship?

Thank you for your input. This site actually has been good for me :) I can probaby write an entire essay on the trials and tribulations of being a "nice" person and other rehearsal's in life. LOL

[Emland]

I am very much like you, Dunebunny. I don't like personal confrontations and will put up with a lot of stuff. However, I have discovered if you PO someone like this they are very likely never to talk to you again which wouldn't be a bad thing in this case.

And unlike us women, men don't really care if their wives like each other or not.

I hope you make it to ND without the stalker.

[Dunebunny]

Thanks. Yes. My husband does say he understands but it hasn't affected his friendship with his friend so I'm glad about that.

He knows my feelings about them following us to ND... and I believe if it comes down to it he will tell his friend he really needs to think twice about it. His friend for one has bad hips and back... something the below freezing ND winters won't be too kind to. But hubby says this is what he will tell him if it's brought up... but it hasn't been brought up any longer so I'm hoping it was just a fleeting idea.

They would be fools not to move to Idaho anyway... it's beautiful where they plan to build... overlooking the lake, lots of recreation. A great place to retire.

Not knocking ND, but where we will be moving it's all wheat farms and oil rigs.

We also have property in ID but we don't plan on moving there until we retire which is 20-25 years down the road.

But, I've already thought about "if" they do decide to go to ND, I'm going to ignore her there too. It won't be fun for her and she better stay away from my husband and his boobies!

[LearningAsIGo]

WOW. She's so insecure, it's a bit scary.

So, tell her you're moving to Idaho... she'll get all excited and start her build while you gaze lovingly and peacefully over your North Dakota corn fields. ;)

[Dunebunny]

Hahahaha... :p Actually, someone DID tell me to tell her that. Also, they told me just talk about Idaho all the time... Idaho, Idaho, Idaho. How nice it is, when are they going to go back to work on THEIR property, won't it be nice to be in I D A H O! Completely dismiss North Dakota from any conversation.

The thing is... I don't even want to speak to her. It's so nice now not having to worry about what she's going to do next. Trying to get involved with my friend "T" and her scrapbooking was irritating... like I said I wasn't jealous... but it was just plain weird. She will take things to such extremes that it becomes NOT fun for the other person.

T and I were/are all into our scrapbooking, along with another friend of ours. We go once a month to a card making class at an instructors home and it's our little thing we do as friends.

T told me last week that this woman (the one I've been talking about... the wife) asked where she got her cute cards and T told her that she goes to a card making class once a month. The woman said, "Oh...the one that DeAnne goes to?" T said yes.

So the woman said she wants to come. What? Out of blue after KNOWING I've been going to this for several years ALL OF A SUDDEN wants to come!

T told her there's no room... that the instructor can only take so many.

High 5 to my bud T!

[Emland]

Maybe you should take the advise given to Eliza Doolittle. Only talk about the weather and your health and don't discuss anything else.

[Dunebunny]

Thanks for your response Emland. I'm venting again in the following message LOL...

I've tried in the past to talk about how nice the day was. Her responses are always something like, "Yes. It's really nice. Hey! ....." to which she starts talking about something like quilting.

It was never what I wanted to talk about.

In fact, she got so into the quilting and was REALLY good at it that she had to constantly show me all her finished stuff. I have yet to finish ANYTHING quilting in the 3 or so years since I've been introduced to it by her! I just lost interest I suppose. I still like it but I'm not obsessive like her.

If I start talking about health, family or, gee, my car needs an oil change... she's pretty much silent or I get a "Hmmm."

One time I tried to talk about what I did at a family get together and she said, all perky and short, "It's so nice you do stuff with your family!"

And that was the end of the conversation.

It's like she doesn't want to hear it or she's giving me a "courtesy" response. This type of response has happened more than a few times since I've known her so I don't mention stuff to her now when it's not something she can't or doesn't want to talk about.

A couple of years back, my dog died. I was upset and wanted to talk about it. She said she was sorry my dog died... then went on to talk about something quilt related. She changed the subject!

I realize she may just not be able to relate to feelings of others and it's sad really. Some people you just can't talk to them about stuff but to me it's just an uncomfortable waste of time when I have other friends who will at least give me a hug when I need it!

But I have to say I think I've tried to be a friend that I think she wants me to be... I just don't want to fake being her friend and I feel this is what I've been doing. Plus, all the copy cat behavior she has exhibited... I always thought this was teen/early adulthood stuff... not for a 53 year old woman but I suppose it doesn't matter how old you are. It's the person you've made yourself to be. I think she needs counseling or something but she probably doesn't feel she has a problem.

[RubyPitbull]

Dune, you brought up a good point in all this. You tried being her friend. She is NOT trying to be your friend. Friends do engage in a back and forth exchange and talk about all subjects, as you know. When your dog died, she should have sat down and let you spill out your guts and comforted you. She didn't. She is totally self-absorbed. It is a one sided friendship. You tried. It didn't work. She definitely has a problem with social skills. She may feel that she is showing you that she is a friend by emulating the things you do and purchase. She may believe that is normal behavior. At 53, if she hasn't learned how to maintain a friendship, interact with a normal give and take, she will never learn. You haven't mentioned it, but I can guarantee she doesn't have any close girlfriends. Why else would she attach herself to your friend "T" when she couldn't get any response from you?

Unlike you, I have no problem telling someone off when they overstep the boundaries of a friendship. I try to be as kind as possible but I will not let someone turn me into their doormat. It is better for me to let it out than to hold my tongue and let the anger build up. I find that helps keep me on an even keel and I rarely get angry. But, I understand where you are coming from. A lot of people avoid any kind of conflict. There is nothing wrong with your being nice and finding excuses to avoid her. And, in this case, with this nutjob, I think you have taken the best course of action. I think if you confronted her, as GoldieMae said, I believe she will flip out and make your life even more of a living hell. Unlike you, she won't have any qualms about ruining the friendship between the two hubbies. I believe she will bad mouth you to anyone who will listen and she will do her best to turn everyone you both know against you.

Keep avoiding her. Make dates with your real friends. Have a girls night out. Do a Margherita Night! I do that every now and again when I need to take a break from something that is getting under my skin. It is a lot of fun.

[Dunebunny]

Hi again! :)

You are right... she doesn't have any friends that I can think of that she does stuff with. She has this woman that is in the quilt guild and her ex-sister-in-law from her first marriage that she is friends with but they really don't do anything together either. This woman has two grown kids and I never hear of them coming over or really hear her talk about them either! Just strange I tell you.

I'm not sure if she would get nasty towards me per se. I've never heard her talk about other people vehemently. She had said she didn't care for "T" and told me her reasons but it wasn't mean. She also is continually perturbed with her husbands 13 year old son who they have custody of. Other people have noticed how she talks to him and it's not nice... and he's the most polite kid I've seen. She picks on him constantly! She just doesn't let up on him! I think he cramps her style but she married his father knowing he had custody when the kid was 9 years old! Maybe she thought he would end up with his mother someday. But who knows how this woman thinks. Even her own husband said she is constantly angry with him. I told him do you think it's fair for him? He didn't answer me... but then again... none of my business!

All I know is I'm distancing myself from her and hopefully she'll get the hint!

And about my dog passing away... She's not one of those pet persons either. When I got a new dog, she wanted one too... and her husband (who's allergic to everything under the sun... and also allergic to wheat... #1 crop in North Dakota!) told her no, she ended up getting a bunny which she leaves in a cage outside. Me, being an animal lover, really believe in house rabbits but I explained to her that she needed to put a board someplace in the cage for bunny to stand on because being on wire 24/7 is not good for his feet.

She never got a board.

And he's too huge for that cage he's in and the cage is filthy. OH! And she told me when he dies she will have him fur pelted. She had JUST got him... a cute baby bunny and this is what she's thinking of now? I just think that's strange and up their with having your pet stuffed so it can look at your while it's standing next to the fireplace on cold winter nights. But to each his own. LOL

I seem to continue to vent on my messages... sorry. Little by little you will know more than you want to know about this woman who is driving me batty! Hahahahaha...

Well.. thanks again for all your input. I really appreciatte it. My aunt is, I'm sure, tired of hearing me rant on and on about her but my aunt is a patient woman.

[happylady123]

Wow, you were being really nice to that nut. I don't think I would have been that nice. I would have told her not to bother with me or my husband. Good luck in ND!

[Dunebunny]

I wanted to send a follow-up to my vent that was so well received... I felt so much better getting it all out and I didn't know how to follow-up... if anyone would follow this thread but if you start from the beginning you'd get the story caught up :)

This woman I vented about has attempted several times to email me and ask me out to lunch since all of this... yes... even almost two months later... and I politely decline... again and again. Her husband helped my husband with a door in our house a few weeks ago and he asked if we wanted to go to dinner with him and his wife but I also politely declined on that. Later my husband felt bad and said we should have taken them out for dinner because he helped with our door all afternoon. I nicely told him maybe some Saturday he can take just him out for lunch as a thank you.

Anyway, I have not had personal contact with her and she doesn't call. I'm happy to report that my husband is still friends with her husband so the girls stuff didn't effect that. I think men like to stay out of the hen house so-to-speak.

"T" called me last week with HER update on this woman. She said the woman had come in to the shop with her husband on a day that SHE thought none of the other women, including me, would be there (this is what T thinks was the reason). But T said that on that particular night they had invited one of the other couples we know to come by for dinner which at that time they hadn't made it in yet so it was just T (her man was working on some stuff in the shop).

Well, this woman went into the office and told T that she had a personal question to ask her... she flat out said "I don't feel I'm accepted or fit into the group and I'd like to know why." Talk about putting T in a spot! She said she didn't know what to say to her... the other women don't like her either because they got a taste of how she talked to the step-son several times and she doesn't converse with them either... but yet she wants to fit-in. T told me she feels this is the reason why she went out and bought over a $1000.00 worth of scrapbooking stuff... to "fit-in." But on a personal level she doesn't fit-in... with none of us. They all feel a little uncomfortable with her. They tried but no one likes her personality and PLUS 2 years ago she didn't want to have anything to do with any of them really... except for me... and I suppose now that I'm giving her the cool shoulder, she's trying to get into the group and feels T is the one stopping it and has to go through T to get the "o.k.?" This is what we are surmizing anyway because she doesn't ask anyone else and she's NEVER asked me a personal question like that... NEVER!

Well... right when she asked T the big question, our other friend and her husband, the ones who were invited for dinner, walked in and T didn't get a chance to answer... and she never did get a chance after that and the woman hasn't been back since.

Now all the friends are going away this weekend together and that night the woman heard the four of them talking about this weekend getaway and this woman invited her and her husband to go by sitting next to T's man and saying "when are we leaving for the trip." THEY WEREN'T INVITED! GAWD! This woman drives people nuts! Then someone mentioned about the step-son just starting school and she said we'll just take him out for a couple of days. School JUST started this week! This poor kid has a hard enough time making it in his classes... her husband needs to put his foot down... which I think is what happened because there was nothing mentioned of it since and all the others still have their plans to leave. We can't go because we have plans this weekend but I'm sure if WE were going, she would make sure they went.

So anyway, that's the update. My husband hasn't mentioned ND to any of them and he doesn't plan to plus there's really no talk from anyone except T saying she doesn't want me to go :(

I think I handled this whole situation o.k. but now T is feeling the pressure but I think she's on the tail end of it also.

Thanks again for the vent sessions people! :) It's helped that tremendous guilt I felt at the beginning and I handled it politely and still got the message across (I think... fingers crossed)... Time will tell but so far we're good...

[RubyPitbull]

I am glad that you have gotten your life back! Encourage your husband to spend some guy time with his friend. With a wife like that, I am sure the guy needs it.

I am not really surprised she put T on the defensive like that. Poor T. But, she does sound like someone who is completely capable of handling this other woman.

When you move to SD, I think you are going to find that your husband and his friend won't talk much. They will always get together when you go back for a visit, and will pick up where they left off, acting as if they just talked the day before. Guys are like that. By that time, hopefully the wife will have moved on to another group of people. What a sad situation for her husband to be in. I wonder how long that marriage will last.

[Dunebunny]

Hi! Well, regarding the marriage... it's her second and his 3rd. Both his previous wives left him for someone else. T overheard him talking to her man a couple of weeks ago, saying, "We've finally found the right women in our lives...." :eek: I think he likes women that step all over him because she certainly seems to rule that house... especially when she talks to his son.

I confronted him on that one time and he said she is perpetually angry at his son. That is sad. This is his blood! If it were me, I'd tell her to eat crap and fall backwards or be a little nicer but you can hear it in her voice... even when she tries to sound nice, you know... you can hear the irritation or just negative tones.

If anything will ruin this marriage it will have to be the money problem...

Remember when I talked about me getting a Tahoe and she wanted one too right after that but ended up getting a smaller SUV? "T" told me that a few weeks ago, the woman and her husband went to the dealership to get rid of the SUV and get a TAHOE! The dealership turned them down because of the debt to income ratio! They are in debt! She either wanted the new Tahoe or the Trailblazer SS (a suped up Trailblazer) but they couldn't qualify for either. Which brings me back to her comment to me when I asked her I thought she was trying to save her money (after she bought over $1000 worth of scrapbooking stuff in one week)... her resonse... "well, you can't take it with you!" O.K. then... whatever.

It also makes me think money is the reason why the remodel on their home is going so slowly (they are doing it all on their own). They have been living with no drywall on the walls for over a year and really the remodel has come to a hault. It's a mess in there. When it's done it will be a nice place but it's a disaster. Little trails leading from room to room, tools, boxes... she even went out and bought this new expensive bedroom set and it's just sitting there, unassembled, amongst all this "stuff."

Once in a while I hear my husband talking to his friend on the phone and his friend is tinkering with his classic car in the driveway... not the remodel!

Well.. on with the rest of my post... sorry. That part is none of my business but it just blows me away...

Anyway, yes, T is handling it just fine. She said it bothers her to be this way to someone but she doesn't want OUR group to have to tip toe around get togethers or straight up fall apart because of a person they don't feel comfortable around.

The other 3 women have said they didn't care for her, mostly how she talks to the step-son and also her interaction with us. It's hard to explain if you're not actually there but you can tell she just doesn't fit in. We all laugh and joke, talk about our families and even other friends. One of the friends is having a hard time with her boyfriend and she feels comfortable talking to all of us about it but T said that when the other woman was there that one night... no one talks like they normally do (I wasn't there that night and a couple of the other friends weren't there either). This was AFTER she had asked T why she didn't fit-in and then the other couple showed up. So maybe she got the message from that night because she hasn't been back to ask T the big question again. Oh... there was some talking but small talk and short conversation. Not like our involved evenings where we all talk about anything and everything... girl talk stuff. The guys call our group "the hen house." We're always busy talking about this and that... and no... not all gossip but just girl talk... scrapbooking, card making, what we did last weekend, great shopping excursions, great sales... girl stuff! LOL

T said if she is confronted again, she will tell her "Yes, you aren't fitting in and I don't know how to make you fit in to a group that has been together for so long. There are some in the group who don't agree with how you treat your step-son. It has made the group feel uncomfortable. And we like having him down here..." Which is true... he's a great kid and polite, helps out or offers to help out. It's like he's a thorn in this woman's side. But T said she doesn't know if she'll have the guts to actually say her little speech. She's hoping she'll just get the message and not come around.

I'm sure by how she confronted T, it was her husband that probably said "well...ask her why you don't fit-in!"

This woman isn't a personal question type of person, like I said in my earlier post, because she's never asked me a question like that. And T thinks the woman feels she has to get through her to be accepted and T said that's not the case at all. The WOMEN don't feel comfortable... and they hadn't even heard my story about this woman... they came to their conclusion through the woman's actions at the shop and when we all went camping.

Which makes me come to another event that helped me come to MY own conclusion... one of my many situations with this woman and makes me wonder why NOW she wants to fit-in...

We all went camping last year. Not many in the group knew this woman well at that time.

T and her man told everyone, "let's all go into town to eat lunch." But there wasn't enough room in their truck for all of us so I asked my husband if we could follow them. He said O.K. but then the WOMAN said she'd like to go and she'll drive so we went with her. Her husband and step-son stayed at camp... he didn't want to go and the son wanted to ride the ATV.

Oh man... this angers me just typing this!.

We all get there, park and go stand in line... it's a very busy place... but it's a very good place to eat :)... while standing in line T starts counting how many people so we can all get a table together. This WOMAN says, "oh...I'm not staying, I'm just going to pick something up and bring it back to camp."

I said, "What?!" :confused:

T looks at me in shock because she assumed we were all going to hang out. There was no room for me to go back with them in the truck... it was packed and my husband just stood there. He was just going with me because I asked him too... he didn't really want to go either but if it was just us he would have sat with all our friends to have lunch... that was the whole purpose of going! I WANTED TO BE THERE WITH THE FRIENDS!

I was so pissed off! Why didn't she say she was JUST going into town to order it to go! She KNEW I wanted to join the group, she heard me tell T "I want to go!" I think she purposely did this! She didn't even bend when she saw how upset I was... I was beside myself. I felt like crying. In shock!

After her exclamation she said, "where's the restroom...I have to excuse myself from the line. I'll be back..."

! I HOPE YOU FALL IN!. Just kidding... but I wanted to say that!

So once we had our orders... T gave me a reassuring hug and a "we'll see you when we get back...come to our trailer and hang out"... and off we went back to camp. The group saw all this unfold and felt bad. They tried to figure out how I could get into the truck but we'd be packed like sardines and we had to drive down public streets and through a ranger point to get back to camp. I just said "don't worry about it. It's fine."

I didn't even feel like eating when we got back. My stomach was so upset after all this. I held it together but my friends could see I was seething! LOL

And NOW she wants to FIT-IN!?

After seeing how she treated me, and how she treated their step-son that weekend... and recently at the shop (so she just wasn't having a bad day that weekend last year camping)! Previously, she was here and there but no one really knew her as a person... and now she wants to join in on the group. She didn't want to be with the group when we all went to town for lunch and really didn't hang out at the campsite either! Every night they would sit by the fire but she uttered not one word and would turn in early.

Arrrgggghhhh!! I'm so glad this is over... I hope anyway...

Vent complete... (Unless I get some other juicy news. LOL)

Thanks once again! :)