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    Sonam12rosy's Avatar
    Sonam12rosy Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 28, 2012, 12:37 AM
    For the sake of parents should I do something that breaks me completely?
    Hi,

    I am 'crazily in love' with my love.
    We have been in love since 7 years now. We are from different places -Bihar and Kerala and still this has not made us love each other any less. It is excruciating on how much he loves my community and how much I enjoy how colorful his community and customs are.

    We decided to get married and I told my parents about him. There was a straight no as he is Bihari and they have a bad reputation. My mother didnít even want to meet him once and said that he should never set foot in our house. It broke our hearts and even when she made me promise that I will break all ties with him, we couldnít do it. We visited Shirdi believing that Shri Sai will help us if no one else can. He put a ring on my finger with his name and proposed to me. I said yes and that day became our wedding day in front of Sai. We made love soon after and now more than ever, we have realized that living with someone else and forgetting about the beauty of those few days of last year when we became one is impossible for us.

    My mother constantly asks me whether I am in touch with him. I tell her no as I love her a lot and cannot bear to hurt her. I know I am not a great daughter and I am committing sin by being in love with him, but I am not able to let go.

    His parents have agreed to our marriage. He is jobless right now and I am working. He is pursuing B.Ed. And will get a job till next year. As for this, my friends tell me to forget about him saying that love gets over after marriage and it is wrong to break parentís hearts for a boy.

    No one understands how we both feel about each other. He loves me and tells me to have patience. He tells me to believe in Sai who united us. But every time I think about not being with him, I get crazy...

    Please tell me what to do. I cannot leave him as he is my life and neither can I ditch my parents...

    Sai help me...
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #2

    Dec 28, 2012, 12:43 AM
    This really should be in a forum where your religious beliefs are understood.

    On this forum, you'll get advice from people that do not only disagree with your religious beliefs, but the rules about marriage as well.

    I do have to ask, did you get married to this man? It sounds like you did.

    I said yes and that day became our wedding day in front of Sai.
    How old are you?

    Where do you live?

    Is this man more important to you than the beliefs you were raised with? Are you willing to give up a relationship with your parents (because it sounds like it's him or them) in order to be with him?

    You can't make your parents accept him. This is a case of either going against your parents, losing contact with them because of it, or doing what you feel is right. If you're an adult, the choice is yours, and yours alone, but you have to make it, and then accept the consequences.
    Sonam12rosy's Avatar
    Sonam12rosy Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 28, 2012, 08:54 PM
    I am 25 years old and he is 29. It is difficult for me to ditch my parents... I cannot do that... but it is painful for me to break this beautiful relationship with him...

    The marriage in Shridi is what we both believe which happened. We both are hindu and the wedding was not a formal one. He put a ring on my finger. It was not a court marriage or something that is performed by pandits as shown in films. We both believe that last year that day we got married. Not for this world, as we have no proof but in front of God... I know I sound stupid, but that is what we both believe...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,882, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Dec 28, 2012, 09:23 PM
    You may be spiritually married but are you legally married? You have already made a choice and commitment, so you have already gone against your parents wishes and of course they may never accept it.

    Its already to late to worry about their feelings and you can only make good on the path you have chosen.

    Good Luck.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #5

    Dec 28, 2012, 10:36 PM
    I can only offer a viewpoint from my Western perspective because I am an American woman. I would say though, that if you decide to legally marry this man you already consider your husband, it would be your parent's choice whether to accept it or not. If they choose to disown you due to your marriage choice, they are removing themselves from your life and you are not rejecting or leaving or choosing not to be with them as their daughter.

    If you have your husband's family's acceptance, you will still have a family.

    It's important to try to please our parents, but sometimes our efforts are not enough and we have to live the best we can, and hope our parents and others will still love and accept us. I think that committing to a loveless life is more than anyone's family has a reasonable moral right to ask of them.

    You do not have to stop loving your parents to be honest with them. They may reject you, they may disown you. That is their choice. You can respond with continued love and hope. They can come around and decide to forgive you and make an effort, or they can choose to loose their daughter over snobbish ideas of caste and social status. Your choice is to live honestly and please yourself, or live dishonestly to live in misery and please your parents. If you marry who they would choose but love someone else, I feel that would be a great cruelty to the man you love, yourself and the man you marry, so for me the choice would be to be with the man you love, hope your parents come to an understanding in time, and do your best to live an honest, peaceful and loving life.
    sweety_777n's Avatar
    sweety_777n Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jan 3, 2013, 02:29 AM
    Hi Sonam, I guess that's what your name is. I am Sweety also from India dear. You can consider me as your friend as I am 28 years old. I would like to advise you one thing that as since you are already married to him and from your way of writing I can understand your love for him so dear don't break the boy's heart at all . Please try to make your parents understand your love. I am telling you not to betray your lover as I am going through tha same pain in my life. My lover married another girl 0n 29 dec. And I GUESS one of the reason was we are from different castes I am jain and he is jat. He might have done all this because of his mom.. If u like you can read my posts.. I am also being pressurised to get married to someone else which I don't think is possible for me.. so I'll tell you not to give that pain to your lover for whatever reason it may be.. as they say ' pyar kiya to darna kya'.
    smkanand's Avatar
    smkanand Posts: 602, Reputation: 56
    Senior Member
     
    #7

    Mar 15, 2013, 04:58 AM
    Sonam dear you guys already done what we called gandhrva vivah in India. There is no turning back. Tell you parents the truth and face the reality. You already ditch them, they just don't know yet. If this guy is from same religion as it seems to me then go ahead. Your parents will understand after sometime. In the meantime get ready for hard life. Best wishes.

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