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    momma5's Avatar
    momma5 Posts: 134, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 26, 2014, 08:09 AM
    Proper ettiguette?
    I haven't seen a thread for this question, so if there is one, I apologize.

    Me and my husband were married Nov. 2011 in our county courthouse, married by justice of the peace, only two witnesses. We agreed that our 5-year anniversary we would renew our vows, actually invite people and have an actual wedding ceremony ( this is my 2nd marriage and Ive never actually had a wedding- I would like to have this ). My question more or less pertains to what is the Do's and Dont's, what is proper and what's considered distastful?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #2

    Nov 26, 2014, 08:24 AM
    I think you mean etiquette.

    A few don'ts... Remember that this is not a wedding. You are already married. This is a renewal of vows. Your invitation should reflect that it is a renewal, not a wedding. Another is that you don't want to ask for gifts by signing up with a bridal registry as a new bride and groom would. If your guests want to bring gifts, that is up to their discretion, but you should not ask for them as you have been married for 5 years.

    You can make this as elaborate as you like, but remember it is a renewal of vows. It is not a wedding.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Nov 26, 2014, 08:42 AM
    Well covered by J_9.
    I just want to add that the clergy person you chose to officiate (if clergy is what you want, rather than another JP) will have not only suggestions but also rules and limitations on how a renewal of vows differs from a marriage ceremony.
    And I personally would avoid a wedding gown, especially white, a symbol of virginity (yes I know few women are virgins and still wear white, but this is different). And no bridesmaids either.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
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    #4

    Nov 26, 2014, 10:55 AM
    You're going to spend most of your attention on the ceremony, which could be big or small depending on your taste, but you need to remember to keep it true to who you and your hubby are. I would start to plan things now. I would concentrate more on the reception then anything to be honest. It is going to be one heck of a party and that's when you're going to meet and talk to most of your guests. The wedding is just saying that "Hey him and I are together in the eyes of all who are important." The renewal is basically the same.

    This is just in addition to what was said above.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Nov 26, 2014, 05:58 PM
    Have to slightly disagree about wearing white. White doesn't symbolize being a virgin at marriage, it symbolizes that this is your first marriage. Wearing a veil symbolizes that you're a virgin.

    Having said that, this is your second marriage, so white would not be appropriate, but I have seen many women wear white for vow renewals and second weddings. I think that this is no longer as big a deal as it used to be.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #6

    Nov 26, 2014, 06:12 PM
    On top of all of this and truthfully a lot of good points. This your day, a celebration of your love for the man you chose. Wear whatever you WANT. You both are special. Have lots of flowers and good food with the people you want who are special too. Have a matron of honour, it is your day and damn tradition!
    momma5's Avatar
    momma5 Posts: 134, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 26, 2014, 07:14 PM
    Thank You all! We agreed that our 8yo son would walk me down the aisle andour Daughters will be my "maids" since they are at the age any wedding type setup has bridesmaids. While not proper, we agreed for that to be in the ceremony. Again thank you all for insight because Honestly I was lost on where and how to start...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #8

    Nov 26, 2014, 07:34 PM
    I have been the pastor at 100's of weddings and many many blessings and renewal of vows.

    First it is your wedding, and it is your memory that you want.

    We have had beach weddings, pool party weddings ( everyone casual) the bridesmaids wore grass skirts.

    I have done many, at the site where the man proposed. I have done country western weddings were everyone was asked to dress "country" if possible.

    The issue here, is what you want and what will make you happy.

    Hint, no matter what you do, a few people will not like it, so do it for you, not for others.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #9

    Nov 26, 2014, 11:31 PM
    I have to agree with Tickle and Chuck. This is your day, do what you want, screw so called etiquette. Some people may not like what you, but it's not their day, it's yours, and frankly, no matter what you do you can't make everyone happy.

    Good luck and enjoy your day.

    Only one thing I would say you definitely need to do. Hire a good photographer and videographer. It's one day, so all you'll have after it's done are the pictures and the video. Don't go cheap on those two things.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #10

    Nov 26, 2014, 11:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by momma5 View Post
    Thank You all! We agreed that our 8yo son would walk me down the aisle andour Daughters will be my "maids" since they are at the age any wedding type setup has bridesmaids. While not proper, we agreed for that to be in the ceremony. Again thank you all for insight because Honestly I was lost on where and how to start...
    I think your plan sounds absolutely wonderful! This will be a beautiful day that your family and friends will always remember. I love how you have chosen to include all of your children in your celebration of love and happiness!
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #11

    Nov 27, 2014, 09:48 AM
    I like your plan too.

    Old traditions are constantly changing, and new twists to old themes, so to speak, are refreshing and considerate of both the more formal part of the ceremony, and, in how the event is actually celebrated.

    It is sad to think that the opinion of many would be negative against what you plan, would ruin what could be the most wonderful day of your life. So in addition to doing the wedding/renewal with all the bells and whistles is what you want, cut from the guest list those that would likely be negative. Nobody needs a party pooper.

    Be as creative as you wish- this is your dream come true, after all.

    All the best to you.

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