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    mylilalex's Avatar
    mylilalex Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 22, 2008, 06:26 AM
    Over controlling, two faced monster in law
    :confused:My fiancé and I were planning to get married on June 19 2010 (just a tentive date). After discussing with each other we decided that a fall wedding was something we wanted so we decided to change the date to October 10 2009. Now we thought this date would be good as we still have over a year to plan ext. Long story short we called his parents to tell them our plans. About one minute into the conversation all hell broke loose. She began accussing the whole decission on me, asking him if is was because I need the money (I work a good full time job and a part time job) and any other thing you could think of. It seems that everyone of our fights is started over his overpossesive crazy mother. My parents are good with the date, his date likes that date, and his 21 year old brother and his fiancé are game as well as everyone else. When we moved in together she had to have a say in everything with that as well. SHE Wouldn't EVEN LET HIM PUT HIS OWN UNDERWEAR AWAY!! Please give me some ideas on how to handle her!! I was going to have her help with planning but she just keeps pushing me away.

    Why should this be her decision, who told her when and when not to have her wedding!!

    If you have any suggestions please post them I need any help I can get.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
    Full Member

    Sep 22, 2008, 06:37 AM

    Sounds like she is just having a hard time letting go of her little boy, does his brother have the same problem?
    mylilalex's Avatar
    mylilalex Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 22, 2008, 06:57 AM
    Yes and no. We fought to move in together. She yelled at me for a half and hour about how it was wrong to move in together before marriage, he would walk in the room and she would stop he would walk out she would start again. She acts the same way to his brothers fiancé but not as controlling to his brother. My soon to be sister in law feels the same way. We can't take her anymore. I just wanted to have my wedding and start my life with him and she ALWAYS has to throw a kicker in there. This should be one of the happiest times of my life but its not. Thanks for the help by the way.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
    Full Member

    Sep 22, 2008, 07:06 AM

    If I was in your position I would first talk to your fiancé about the situation. Watch your wording because you don't want to step on any toes. Then see if he would sit down with you and her and talk about the situation. You don't want to start a marriage wanting to avoid his mother all the time. If she just starts yelling then you know that is when you stop the discussion and start at another time when she has a chance to calm down. If that doesn't work just don't let her ruin your big day. If she cannot behave herself then she shouldn't be invited. Because the last thing you want is a pissed off mother in law making you never forget your wedding day in the worst way possible
    mishelly3's Avatar
    mishelly3 Posts: 300, Reputation: 16
    Full Member

    Oct 14, 2008, 11:09 PM

    Wow this woman is going to be part of your life and your childerns life forever I would think long and hard about this... MAybe just confront her sitt down and jsust ask her what her problem is? Be nice about it of course. Sounds like she having a tough time letting go of his baby.. But you and you fiancé make the decisions do not let her bully you around... stand firmmmm...

    Take care and I wish you the best
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,760, Reputation: 5426
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Oct 14, 2008, 11:16 PM

    Your fiancé needs a backbone. It is his job (or yours together, but not yours alone) to stand up to his mother, especially for your sake. If he can't or won't, you have a terrible future ahead of you.

    Been there, done that.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member

    Oct 15, 2008, 03:39 PM

    This is you and your fiancée weddings, yes she can give her input, but it's really not her decision. With that being said don't let her take over and shut you out. You can only do this day once so plan it how you want.

    All she want is control, control, and more control. If no one stand up to her now, this would only make you miserable and cause problems in your marriage and maybe end it. Respect is a two way street and it's oblivious she doesn't have any for you.

    Picking out your fiancée underwear or putting them away only shows how much she babies her son. As mention eariler, he needs to stand up to her and stops her inerferring. When she is speaking down to you or about you, he needs to defend you and speak his peace to her.

    Try talking to her in a civil matter but I doubt she would listen. She's too involved in your life and maybe she should create one of her own.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690

    Oct 15, 2008, 04:11 PM

    So your soon to be hubby tells his mom this is the date, she can come if she wants to, if not sorry but this is it.

    Next don't fight with her, if you are in her home and she is fighting get boyfriend and leave, if it is in your home, tell her to leave.

    Real simple, don't let it go into argument, just leave or have her leave.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 1, 2008, 12:53 PM

    You need to sit down with your fiancée, and ask him where you are in the pecking order between him and his mother. If his first answer isn't you, then I think you have got a really rocky road ahead of you.

    I don't mean you need to give him an ultimatum between you or his mother, but unless you set clear boundaries right now, she will be interfering in your married life from the day you say "I DO"!

    Sit down and have a talk with your fiancée, and tell him to man up, and to have a heart to heart with his mother, and then tell her he's a grown man starting a family of his own, and that is his first priority now. He should tell her that he is going to cut the proverbial umbilical cord, and hand it off to you!

    He should also tell her that although he loves her, he is starting a new life, with a new wife, and he will not allow her to treat you badly.

    If the two of you are going to be able to have any semblance of normalcy with your in-laws, he needs to establish the boundaries before that walk down the aisle.

    Mommy doesn't get to decide where his underwear goes anymore. That's your job, and just make sure he picks them up off the floor! ;)
    alwaysava27's Avatar
    alwaysava27 Posts: 27, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Nov 10, 2008, 03:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by pluckyflamingo View Post
    Sounds like she is just having a hard time letting go of her little boy, does his brother have the same problem?
    I absolutely agree. I had an ex whose mother was like that... totally controlling, and I think it was because deep down she had a hard time lettn go..
    gayle770's Avatar
    gayle770 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Feb 23, 2014, 09:47 PM
    Run for the hills - you are marrying his family as well as him. If his family has issues he could have issues too.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert

    Feb 23, 2014, 10:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by gayle770 View Post
    Run for the hills - you are marrying his family as well as him. If his family has issues he could have issues too.
    Gayle, the wedding was set for 2010, this thread was posted in 2008. The poster hasn't been back since then. It's a bit too late for your advice on this one. Always a good idea to check dates before you post. :)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690

    Feb 23, 2014, 10:46 PM
    Thread closed, we have had several old ones opened today

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