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    rfg's Avatar
    rfg Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 22, 2015, 05:35 AM
    I may not go to my daughters wedding because she is being very rude and hurtful
    This has been going on since she announced the engagement. She decided to have her best friends father to walk her down the aisle with her grandfather. She wanted these parents to meet her fiancées parents with me and my parents the 1st time, now she's calling my taste ugly, but she never gave me a vision to work off, she insults me, disrespects me and says my taste is not classy. She seems to need to impress his side of the family because they are rich I am not.

    I'm, tired, hurt, fed up ready to give up and sever any thing left of my relationship with her. I was a single parent and did what I could for them but its never enough. Its always been my fault but get over it and go on. I'm sorry the company closed so my good job ended, but it is what it is, and still would give up my life for them.

    This is too much drama for me, and I'm ready to stay home instead of being insulted. Am I being too sensitive?

    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 22, 2015, 06:13 AM
    I personally don't think that the couple getting married are entitled to have their weddings funded by others. Particularly the parents.

    I was talking to a friend yesterday, who bragged about how her daughter and fiancé 'made enough money to cover the wedding expenses, and the honeymoon" like this was something to be proud of.

    That being said, you can do nothing to change, or stop, how your daughter wants her wedding to be. She is leaning on you, expecting financial help, and insulting your 'style' to boot. You are under no obligation to pay, or partly pay, for any of it, let alone pay for more than you can afford.

    However, that being said, it is your problem, not hers, if you cannot see that, a) you don't have to fork over a penny, and b) you don't have to accept being insulted because you cannot pay/do what she expects.

    Weddings are a celebration shared with family and friends. Nothing should be expected of the guests invited to the wedding which should be hosted by the bride and groom, even if all they can afford is a backyard barbecue with a couple of cases of beer. They are not owed, in other words, money either extorted, or expected to pay for THEIR expenses.

    But, you are making a huge mistake in letting their bad behavior, affect your attendance at the wedding. Because you don't have the financial means to contribute, does not change the fact that you are the bride's mother. Period. End of story. Even if you did have millions, that does not mean you are obligated to contribute either.

    My advice to you is, should you choose to contribute financially, be realistic. Don't go into debt, or try to compete with what the fiancé's family are contributing. Keep it simple, and say to them both, "Here is a card with money enclosed to help with the wedding expenses". PERIOD!! Your daughter may turn into a selfish out of controlled bridezilla, but, keep your dignity and your bank balance in tact, and stand your ground. Don't argue, or let yourself be put in the position where you become angry or argumentative, or feel you have to defend yourself- especially with reasons you cannot give more. That is none of their damn business.

    But, please don't deny yourself the pleasure of seeing your daughter married. That is the bottom line, right? How they go about affording what they want for the wedding itself, is none of your business, and it is not your obligation.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,277, Reputation: 7690
    Expert
     
    #3

    Apr 22, 2015, 06:20 AM
    Why are you doing the wedding, that custom is long ago done. Today couples pay for their own wedding, normally hire a wedding planner.

    You should have not done or tried to do too much without her approval or feedback.

    Stop doing anything for the wedding, just tell her it is her job, if she does not like what you did. Just go, see wedding and get over the drama
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Apr 22, 2015, 06:42 AM
    Agree, agree, agree!
    Cut all ties with no crying or ranting, don't pay a dime, and show up and sit in the front like you should. Deflect questions with a smile.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #5

    Apr 22, 2015, 07:04 AM
    I think you are asking too much of yourself, and need to just relax, and let them do as they do, and go to the wedding as the proud mama.

    I like Jake's phrase "bridezilla". Let her be one, and act a fool while you just stay cool and enjoy the cake. RELAX. Let the rich family deal with her and her issues, it's their turn anyway, after all you have done to get her where she is.

    All you have to do is back away from the drama.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
    Uber Member
     
    #6

    Apr 22, 2015, 02:31 PM
    "You know, I'd really love to be able to help out more, but you know my financial situation so it just isn't possible for me to do so. Do you have colors in mind? Any idea on what sort of flowers you might like? I'd be happy to go with you when you look at flowers and wedding dresses to get ideas, check out locations for the reception, pick out gifts for your bridesmaids, help you address envelopes for the invitations, etc.."

    Then go to the wedding, be content knowing that you offered your help in numerous ways, whether she takes you up on the offers or not, and enjoy seeing your daughter get married. You said it yourself, she is likely trying to impress the other family, and it probably is causing her stress even is she doesn't realize it, with the result you have seen.

    If you don't go because your feelings have been hurt, you will regret it later.

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