I was asked over a year ago to be a bridesmaid. I'm closer to the groom-to-be than the bride, and honestly wouldn't have even considered saying yes if it hadn't been for him.

Over the past year, a lot has happened in our lives to make me start reconsidering... Like the fact that the bride managed to spread horribly nasty rumors about my boyfriend of 4 years beating me (and claimed TO HIM that I was the one that told her... ), neither of them bothered to come see me or even call me to see how I was doing when I was stuck in the hospital because of an incurable disease, they haven't bothered to do any of the basic, normal "friendship" duties at all... (for example... I called them on my birthday to invite them out with us, they declined because they had no money *which I completely understand*, but at no point in the conversation did they ever even wish me happy birthday.)

The most annoying thing is that the wedding is in October... the bride has not picked out her dress, doesn't know what she wants her bridesmaids to wear, doesn't know the colors of her wedding party... nothing. She has absolutely nothing planned...

We're supposed to be paying for our own dresses, which typically would be fine. I can't justify paying an extra $200 to have my bridesmaid dress rush altered just so I can be in this wedding! I made the comment that I felt she was being rude, and she said that it's her wedding, she can do whatever the hell she wants.

I've tried to politely decline to be in the wedding. I'm still sick, and because of my illness, all of my hair fell out... I'm not exactly bridesmaid material at the moment. She doesn't seem to get it though... help?

I'm so sorry that you are sick a and hope that you make a quick recovery. I would call her or write a note that you regret that you must decline her invitation to participate in her wedding due to an ongoing illness. Enough said!

You don't need this stress.

Thanks you :)

I agree... Be firm that you will not be in the wedding. It's actually great that she has not picked the dresses or colors as there will be no inconvenience to you or her.

"Mary, I have something difficult to tell you and I hope you will understand. As you know I've been very ill, and I was hoping to feel better by now, but things haven't turned out that way an d I'm not going to be up to being a bridesmaid." If she argues that all you have to do is walk 20 feet or something, tell her, "well, it's more than that - with no extra time to spare, I don't feel like I can manage the shopping and fittings and things, and of course I'm really self-concious about having lost my hair, and I'm not sure I can stand or even sit through the entire service and photos and all that, and I want the day to be about you. I don't want any of the attention to be on me and what I can and can't do and how I'm feeling or any of that...I just want to be able to come and enjoy as much of the day as I can as a friend, and if I'm not well enough to be there, I want to be able to quietly slip away without taking the attention away from you and Dave. Please understand."

If she makes an issue just say, "Mary, I'm just doing the best I can. All I can say is that I'm sorry because I'm disappointed, too." Then, get off the phone. Don't let it become an argument.