[jb464]

Hi guys,

I've read around these forums a bit and everyone seems very helpful and friendly... so I guess that's why I'm posing my personal question here.

My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 7 months but around the 6 month mark, things got a little rocky. She was in the middle of transitioning to a new job and I was being transferred to another location with mine (although I still live in the same place as before). She has a very hard time dealing with stress so I chalked up a lot of our "bad times" to that and the fact that we didn't have much time for one another. Well, she finally broke it off saying she felt like we were moving in different directions and that she was even questioning if she was still "in love" with me or not. She wanted to remain friends and still hang out, etc. but I simply said "goodbye"... and that was the last we spoke. I tried talking through the situation with her that night but my logic was that if she was certain on breaking up, I had nothing more to say at that point.

About two months later, one of our mutual friends who is dating a very close friend of mine came looking for me at work one day and brought up the fact that she had lunch with my ex and that she was asking a lot about me. She even commented that I should try calling her. I explained that my ex was the one who broke it off and that she knew how it would look if I contacted her... but if she wanted to talk, she knew my number. She then commented that she would be talking to me soon with a smile. I said, "Of course you will....I need to call kevin (my friend/her boyfriend) because we haven't spoke in forever....we need to go out!" She smiled again saying "I'll talk to you soon"

I never talked to her boyfriend about that run in... or much about the break-up... actually we've only hung out a couple of times since this all happened because of our busy work schedules. I keep thinking I should take him out and probe him for a little bit of info. Would that be a bad thing?

That's really the story and I'm not saying that the mutual friend coming in means a lot... but I am having a hard time getting this girl off my mind. I started dating someone for a couple of weeks thinking I was ready for it but realized I'm still caught up on my ex. My friends think it all happened for a reason and I should let it go... but I'm the type that always likes to live without regrets... and I really do regret not giving this a shot in a way. Maybe it's closure I need... but I would still love for us to work out. Our time together, although a little short, was the best time I've ever had.

So I guess what I'm looking for (besides a place to vent all of this) is some insight from others outside my little equation. Is it time to move on? Do I pick up a phone or write a letter? Do I talk to my friend (I'm thinking this is my starting point)? I just feel that after 4 months I should be in a different position other than still stuck on her...

Thanks for listening to me, everyone...

[sphyncx]

Try pumping her out of your life completely for a while. A while meaning a month or 2... and keep busy. Go to work, hang out with friends, hobbies, etc. just have fun. If you still feel like this then, then try talking to her.

Personally I'm going through this right now, kind of. The only reason I kept feeling things for this girl is because I would somehow sneak her into my life with photos, seeing her online, myspace, whatever.

[NanRD]

Hi
I am kind of in the same position only I'm a girl that was dumped and can't let go of him, I realise that it must be very hard not to contact her but at the end of the day she ended it with you so she should be the one that makes the effort to put things right not you because if you contact her and it does work out you will always wonder was it because you made it easy for her? To be sure of her feelings for you, you have to make her do the work no matter how hard it might be. I would give anything to get back with my ex but I would like to know he was getting back with me because he loves me and not out of sympathy or convenience and I'm sure you're the same. I hate the way someone has the power to make us feel this way. It'll be a long time before I take a chance again anyway.

[moomin007]

Hi,
My advice, for what it's worth, is to give it go with your ex. I believe that's life's too short to have many regrets. If you don't try, you'll never know! There's nothing worse than living with what if's...

If you don't want to be the one to make the first approach, then get the mutual friend involved as an inbetweenie (is that a real word! ).

Nothing may come of it but at least your mind will be at rest and you can move on with the rest of your life!

Go for it!

I wish you well.

Moomin
:)

[Jiser]

Who knows what the future holds? No one. Its important for you to be secure in yourself, your life, your dreams and desires before you try working anything out. She is probably probing out of curiosity - and remember sometimes it killed the cat to ;)

You need to work on yourself completely and utterly. I mean by this, developing yourself, meeting new people, perhaps joining a gym, pursuing new interests and maybe even traveling. When you feel you are finally secure and happy in yourself maybe you could try being friends, maybe you/her may not want to at that point and you will have a great life anyway and it probably won't be that important you do maintain contact.

She has a boyfriend - your friend. This must be hard to take? You have to think of what the consequences might be if you/her do anything (i.e. contact)

For now please abide by no contact and don't go near the grape vine - ignorance is bliss!! Give it a few more months, if she really wanted to contact you, she will. Remember she ended it and she has a new BF. If you really feel secure in yourself etc in a few months (when you have a clearer head) then contact her if you must, but be aware of what could happen.

[talaniman]

Hi jb, as one of the other posters has said, stay away from the grapevine as you can see it has already stirred up old feelings, and started you thinking of what if's. That's what happens when our well meaning friends get to deep in your business. I think you should leave her alone, and continue with your life, and do what you enjoy. Don't let her friends plant those doubts in your mind, and take the focus off what your doing now.

[jb464]

Thanks so much for all the responses and comments, everyone! I really do appreciate it and you do bring up some wonderful points... especially the myspace thing. I'll admit I have allowed myself to look at hers from time to time... which isn't helping me to move on. Other than that though, I really don't have any other connections with her. Just the one mutual friend thing where she popped in.

And just to clarify, it's not my ex dating my friend... sorry if that was confusing. It's one of our mutual friends who is dating my buddy. They didn't meet through the two of us or anything. They actually met at work.

Thanks again though, everyone, and keep 'em coming! I have to admit I'm still undecided as to what to do but think that another month of NOT allowing myself to look at the myspace thing would be good for me. I've tried to start exercising a lot more but motivation is always hard for me so it's more an on and off thing.

[Jiser]

You can block myspace in your browser :P to stop yourself looking at it. Just don't click that button - your be stronger if you can do that. I have just about managed it! Though I secretly hope my ex is visiting mine : ]

Give yourself space for now, to reflect on life and concentrate on self improvement. In a few months you'll be able to see more clearly.