[woohoohoo]

I've been in a high school relationship with a boy for 4 years, but we fight a lot. I do love him but I've met someone else when I went to university who makes me happy and I have a BIG crush on... I don't know whether I should forget the crush and stay with my first love, or move on... any thoughts?

[dontknownuthin]

I think you need to look at each man, each relationship, as it's own separate entity. You don't leave one guy FOR another. You stay with or leave someone only based on the merits of your relationship with that person.

In the case of your current boyfriend of four years, I think you've been with him a long time, and you've still not figured out how to get along with one another. You don't get along, so that's a deal breaker. A good relationship won't have all that drama.

Another reason to break up with a high school boyfriend of four years is that college is an opportunity to expand and explore, and people learn and change a great deal in this time - not just because of classes but because of the independence from family and the opportunity in many ways to "start over". In college, all the presumptions people had about you in high school are gone. Most college kids can share experiences of going home and feeling like they are adults but are being treated like "little kids" by their families. It's hard to treat someone as a newly defined, more mature person when you haven't been there for the maturing and growth. It's the same with friends or boyfriends you've left behind - they expect the same girl to come home, and you want to be more than that girl used to be.

Finally, dating is for finding your eventual spouse and if you want to be with someone else while you are dating, that's really all you need to know. If you can't last through your young years without pining for someone else, or wishing your boyfriend was different, you've outgrown him and/or recognized things in him that do not match with what you want and need. That's a healthy realization if you follow it by moving on. But staying with him and expecting something different is unfair to both of you.

So, clean break - no "I want to date other people" but rather a clean breakup.

As for who to date moving forward, I would not immediately dive into another big relationships. Of women I have known who have had a lot of bad relationships, most dove from one directly into another. Those who have good ones - well, they took care of themselves throughout their dating years. They kept things light and kept life in balance, did not become "consumed" by new boyfriends, but focused primarily on themselves and their goals - spent time just with the girls, with family, studying, working - and encouraged the men they dated to do the same, then really treated the men well and expected the men to treat them well when they were together. If you can do that, I think you'll find the right guy.

Take care and have a blast in college!