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LD1994 · Jul 19, 2012, 05:33 PM

I have been with me girlfriend for approaching 10 months now and we are very happy together, I consider this the only obstacle in our relationship.
We are both 17 years old and we have both lost our virginities to each other (debatable in my case)
Our first attempt at sex was a disaster and I couldn't maintain an erection but I put that down to nerves and that problem has now passed. The problem we now face is my inability to ejaculate with her or in her. I can ejaculate perfectly well when I masturbate but it seems any involvement from her makes it difficult or just not possible.
One thing we have tried is she 'plays with me' for as long as she can (with still no results) and then I take over until at the 'no going back' phase and she will resume control and then I can ejaculate. However with out my intervention this would not have happened. It has only happened once without my assistance.
At risk of sounding arrogant, not being able to ejaculate has a huge effect on my 'ego'. A man's role is to please his woman, and not being able to please her is taking its toll on my sexual confidence and after every failed attempt I feel slightly depressed which effects not only me but my girlfriend too. She starts to blame herself thinking that it's her fault because she's not pretty enough, but that is not the case. If ejaculation was based on looks this problem would most definitely not exist, it could possibly be the opposite.
It makes it worse for me because when she gets down about it it makes me more down because I know it's my fault but there is nothing I can do about it.
Please help, I am really scared that this could affect our relationship and I don't want to end up losing her over something like this. Is there some kind of treatment which won't involve her? I feel it would be unfair to drag her through a treatment. She's not long lost her virginity she doesn't deserve to be putting up with this.
All help would be appreciated, thanks

joypulv · Jul 19, 2012, 07:22 PM

First drop the 'man's role' part. There is no role for man and woman other than respect, thoughtfulness, comfort, support, and tenderness. And any other words that when added all together equal love past the romance stage.
You are 17! You have a lot to sort out. Did a parent, teacher, or clergy lecture you about sin of sex before marriage, 'loose' women, women who trap men with pregnancy (or even just fear of pregnancy, a good thing to preach to teens). How about masturbation fantasies - are they far apart from what it's like being with your girlfriend, and difficult to hang onto when you are with her? Was there a deep long ago fear about being inside a vagina, maybe older kids teasing or trying to scare you or stories you heard?

LD1994 · Jul 20, 2012, 03:21 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

First drop the 'man's role' part. There is no role for man and woman other than respect, thoughtfulness, comfort, support, and tenderness. And any other words that when added all together equal love past the romance stage.
You are 17! You have a lot to sort out. Did a parent, teacher, or clergy lecture you about sin of sex before marriage, 'loose' women, women who trap men with pregnancy (or even just fear of pregnancy, a good thing to preach to teens). How about masturbation fantasies - are they far apart from what it's like being with your girlfriend, and difficult to hang onto when you are with her? Was there a deep long ago fear about being inside a vagina, maybe older kids teasing or trying to scare you or stories you heard?

Okay so maybe the man's role part is badly worded...
I've never had a lecture about any of those things, the worry of pregnancy is non existent because I know she is on the pill and we have condoms ready in case she forgets to take it one day
With masturbation I normally think about me and her the only difference being a actually climax in this fantasy