[rockchick182]

I have been with my partner for only 7 months. We found out I was pregnant just 3 months into the relationship and both decided to keep the baby, and to begin with everything was great. After several weeks however my partner kept bring up the 'What is right' conversation after we have been arguing so many times from the stress of having a baby. So 16 weeks into the pregnancy we decided to have an abortion because the timing wasn't right for either of us and it wouldn't be fair to us or the baby. I thought we would stop fighting afterwards but we seem to argue so much more and have nearly broken up several times. I keep breaking down emotionally whenever I see something baby related and I think it annoys him. I have major anxiety issues and my partner has skin problems, and because of those issues and the fact that we decided to abort we are so stressed out that we are attacking each other verbally.
Lately he's been trying to avoid me by saying that he's going to his Dad's house for the night and so I won't see him, and when I do see him we end up either getting annoyed at each other or he just acts like he doesn't want me there. Im worried he will find someone else because of what's happened and I don't know what to do. I want our relationship back like it was at the beginning, we made each other laugh, we did loads of things together, we never got annoyed at each other and we were happy. How to I do that, please help, I don't want to lose him.

[TrueFaith]

HI

7 months is a very very short time you don't even know him yet. What's happning now is the end of the honeymoon, now is the time where the problems of real life start and it's a test to see if you guys can deal with it together as a couple or break down and attack.

Now this baby issue has put a lot of stress on this relationship but I feel it would have come to this anyway with or without the baby.
You can never go back in a relationship only forward. It will never be like it was.. because you guys aren't what you where. Life and your outlook changes.. that's why we use the word grow together or grow apart.

My advice though is to sit him down and really talk to him about how you feel.
Tell him you can't go on fighting as its un fair for both of us
And being with someone should make you happy, not sad.

And the only reason why you don't want to lose him is fear of nevering finding someone again
And the pride issue.
That's really what most people fear when they lose someone
Sure you miss the memory of that person
But think about it.. you miss how they made you feel :)

Once you take the emotions out of this and look at it logicly then and only then will you have an understanding of where you should go.

All the best!
And good luck

[Jake2008]

True Faith has given you some good advice.

I agree that the relationship was too young to even know each other.

Regardless of the abortion issue, it sounds doubtful that the relationship would have survived.

When things get tough in relationships, with unwanted pregnancy, job loss, illness etc. that is where the foundation built, will see you through. It is supporting the other, and putting their needs first, not arguing, screaming and yelling, and walking out the door. That one point alone, should be telling you, that the two of you together, unable to communicate and resolve issues, both small and big, does not bode well for a good relationship foundation.

When issues, and resulting needs and wants, are not met, and resentment build up, and arguing takes the place of talking, you can only expect a mountain of problems, that never get resolved.

And when that is all you have, it won't suddenly change into anything better. It becomes moments of happiness, between problems that never go away.

Consider too that seven months is long enough to get to know someone enough to know whether you are compatible. But, it is not long enough to know someone and build a life together.

Time to consider the relationship itself, the overall investment you have been putting in, to make it work. If it is causing stress, anxiety, arguing, unresolved issues, incompatible and uncompromising points of view on both sides, etc. that won't likely go too far in the long run.

[talaniman]

Hi RC, I remember you very well and so sad to see you are still looking for love, instead of exploring what life has for you. So sorry for your loss and your troubles, and its understandable that you are so down now. Dealing with such a loss and a having a problem with your guy at the same time must be simply overwhelming.

Try to understand that you BOTH have been badly hurt, and need to mourn and heal from your loss. Its hard for adults, let alone young teens to cope with the feelings these events bring out in us. And things happen for a reason, to show us we need to get on a better path and do things a bit differently in the future.

I have watch you bounce around from relationship to relationship, like you are looking and hoping for something good in your life. I think you think a sexual relationship will give you the love you never got at home, yet so far it has not. I think now what you need is the guidance of an older female you trust, and the support of a doctor to get you through this very hard time in your life.

Can your reach out to your mom? Is there anyone else that can give you the support and guidance you need? If there is I think you can benefit greatly. No need to suffer alone, You, or HIM, and he is suffering also.

Good Luck, and take some grieving time for yourself.

[Fr_Chuck]

So very much to happen in such a short time. Why are you not looking to find yourself and be happy with you, instead looking for love though others.