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mattthemarine · Aug 12, 2010, 08:34 PM

I am only 17 and I have never been with anybody before. I really am not much to look at, and am not one of those "popular kids". I want to go into service after high school, so I never tried to get close to anyone because I don't want someone to be hurt if I don't come home. But I feel conflicted because I also feel left out on a common aspect of life. What am I supposed to do?

lickemlolly · Aug 12, 2010, 08:38 PM

Start hanging out and be social... what do you do for fun, do you have friends, if so what do you guys like to do? Just because you are in the service doesn't mean you can't get close to anyone... im in the service... deployed right now actually... and there are many people that I am close to... dont use that as a crutch to not have close relationships..

mattthemarine · Aug 12, 2010, 08:54 PM

Yeah, I have plenty of good friends, but we do more manly stuff like hunt and fish. I don't do parties though, because most teenage parties in small Midwest towns like ours, somebody always brings alcohol and tobacco... and I have a huge problem with that. I'm also just afraid of being rejected/ridiculed, and I don't think that it's worth it.

Also, thank you for your service to our great country. It is an honor to hear from you.

lickemlolly · Aug 12, 2010, 09:15 PM

You have to understand sometimes you will be rejected... ill put it to you like this... im an attractive female and I still get rejected.. im very shy and I don't care much for the party scene however when my friends do "convince" me to come out I usually have a good time and end up meeting new people... you can never gain if you don't take the risk... and if you ever want to pick up a girlfriend you are going to need to find a better social outing then the manly stuff.. I don't know too many women that like to fish or hunt... gotta be something else you can do... bowling.. skating.. movies... the mall... anything not so manly

lickemlolly · Aug 12, 2010, 09:19 PM

I might also add that looks don't account for everything.. I have dated some unattractive men... most women appeal to 3 types of men... 1 the good looking guys... 2 the guys with the nice bodies... and 3 the guy with the charm... you can be unattractive all day but if you have charm and make a girl laugh then you have something going for you.. some of the best looking guys treat women like crap.. while some of the most unattractive guys will treat their women like a queen.. not just talking here.. true stuff

kctiger · Aug 13, 2010, 05:51 AM

First thing that fixes all of this is:

Self Confidence

You are so afraid of being rejected that you don't even put yourself out there. How can you win a game without even playing it first? Bad analogy, women aren't games, I get it. But even still, this requires practice and a comfort level with YOURSELF to talk to girls and not worry about if you get "rejected."

I'd like to think I'm God's gift to women, to be honest. However, my track record and being rejected several times proves otherwise. Who cares though? There are plenty of girls out there. Make them laugh, make them comfortable and just be you. Dating is about having fun. That's it. No strings attached, just go out, have fun together and let things happen naturally. Throw all the other stuff out of the window and stop worrying. You'll do great, just have some confidence my friend.

The first real girlfriend I ever had rejected me three times (I didn't constantly ask her out in a stalkerish and annoying way). Finally, after some charm and sending her some flowers, she went out with me. First GF turned into a 5 year relationship. My point is you just never know what is going to happen until you try.

Every guy puts this undue pressure on himself when it comes to women. Most women feel the same way, trust me. And remember this: No matter how much you hear the phrase, "Women like guys who treat them like crap (bad guys)," DO NOT DO IT! Always be a gentlemen. ALWAYS!!