[Rize]

Okie I don't know where to start, it's sort of complicated but not entirely... I really hope I can get some good advice! Thanks in advance!

So I met this guy in my drivers ed whom I thought was smart, charming and attractive, experienced, confident. I also thought he would be a jerk and probably never interested in me. He thought I would be a jerk too ironicaly, but we start talking and continue talking after drivers ed is over. Now, when I first meet him he seems like this sort of spoiled guy who drives this nice car, been to a lot of places etc. Tried different stuff. So I was like okie, cool... While we were in class he happens to turn 20 that weekend. So my first thought, why is he 20 and in drivers ed? Well he says he was renewing his license. Believeable... he also says he dropped out of high school but didn't really talk much about whether he continued afterwards or not, just he was supposed to graduate in '08. Fine. He also went to my school, middle and high school. He gets drunk but its no big deal cause he's still cool. Just likes to party. He said he used to smoke but is trying to quit and I think I believe him because he doesn't seem like it. He doesn't smell like it. But he says ciggs are as far as he would go. But he's like drinking, well some habits die hard. He pretty funny and seems really sweet. So he's like now that class is over we should hang out and stuff. Class has been over for 2 weeks now. And he's like we NEED to hang out in aplayful way but he means it. This is about to be the third week. We start talking, just kostly texting and stuff. He starts flirting and I do too, I try not to fall for this guy because he seems like someone who's been there and done that, but he seems as if he is trying to be honest with everything I feel like he likes me too, he is obv flirting, but I don't know if that means anything. He's like lets hang out this weekend. He seems so sweet, dedicated, becoming responsible, he likes to party but he likes to chill more than that. He gets along with most everybody, like he's the type that is like everyone's best friend. I tell my friends about him and they instantly recognize him. They're like is it so and so? My friends and I are in the same grade. I went to school with them since middle school. The type of person I am is, fairly good grades, school is important, I wouldn't dare do anything stupid . Respect parents, asian, he's white. So my friends tell me that he was in their class in middle school and I'm like than I should know him too. Well they tell me he hangs out with the wrong crowd, a "dumbass", has been held back like so many times. He was 16 and in 8th grade, a punk, with a mohawk, said he looked dumb in it, a typical druggie. I told them he wanted to be a cop, and they laughed and said yea he's probably going to confiscate the crak and put it in his basement. They asked if he was in college and I said no, he wanted to be a certain age for this police Academy, and they said "duh, of course he's not in college, how could we even ask". And laughed. I thought of that too. We concluded he never graduated, maybe GED, and he probably had his license revoked. They said " we don't really know this guy extremly well, maybe he has changed it has been 3 years afterall, but I wouldn't trust him if I were you, he doesn't have a good record or history and idk how he is with girls. He's 20 at the peak of his sexuality, just be careful" Well all this made me think and everything how I felt for him kind of got shattered. I'm 17. But he seemed to have changed from the time they knew him. He seems a lot more responsible, he changed his look, more mature and presentable. But you never know... I was talking to my guy friend and he wasn't too sure about all this either. He says I feel like he's going to use you, and that it doesn't look good, as in like him being 20 and me being 17 because its as if 'why can't he get people his own age'... like makes him look bad. He says like 3 yrs is not bad but it makes him look iffy. That made me think too. My friends are all the responsible, mature, level headed, know where they are going in life type of people. So they don't really like where this is headed. I don't want to be shallow and he seems like he is trying to be honest with me and we connect and I have feelings for him and stuff, but I'm not sure if I should continue. Should I? He has been texting me every night but not in the morning. He didn't text me last weekend, he was away, stuff he says seems to be genuine about his day and he doesn't make it intersting or spice it up, just tells it like it is. Yesterday I was so out of it thinking all about what people where saying so he texts me yesterday a lot more flirty and I'm trying to be nice but I'm so doubtful and he doesn't text me today I guess he wants me to text him to see if I am interested but He knows I like him and all. That day after what my guy friend said he said a line that made it worse. While I was talking to him that night he goes I like to make fun of myself like "No one wants to date a retard like me" and he was purely joking. But it dawned on me. Like than why should I? It made me feel like last resort and cheap. But I'm sure he was kidding. Because a lot of people seem to like him. All the more reson why he might be playing around with me. But it really doesn't seem like that. I asked him if he really thought that and he said I'm not book smart but I know a lot of things and stuff that matter I guess. He does seem like an experienced person and all and he seems smart when I met him as I mentioned above but just not book smart. I asked him if he ever wanted to start life over again and he said no, because it makes me the awsome person I am today in a joking way. So I was like hmmm. He seems excited to hang out with me this weekend. Cept I told him my friends might come because my parents don't want me hanging out with him alone and there not big on me dating. So he's like sure that's fine. I really want to hang out with him, just cause he seems fun and I want to get to know him myself in a safe way. He hasn't texted me yet so I don't know about Saturday now although I'm sure he still wants to. I'm scaredd but I don't want to judge. Should I continue this? Like check it out? Should I text him? Or just let this whole thing blow over and not get into it? Should I say no? Should I still hang out with him? What do you guys think? Anything else you want to know to make it more helpful to judge?
Also the thing is I have more guy friends than girls and I need girls to come with me so I can hang with him on Saturday because of my parents. What should I do? A lot of my girl friends are busy. Should I postpone it? Idk if that would make it seem that I'm not interested and annoy him and have him go away. Because were so differet but kind of the same. I like him but I'm iffy to continue. I'm also so doubtful if I would ever fit in. Because if it was just him alone we get along well but I don't know with all his friends and lifestyle and culture. Cause my parents are cultural. He's also close with his family, seems like a sweet person. Should I ust stay friends? How should I go about this? And how to make Saturday happen? And text him? That was a lot! SOOO SORRRYYYYYYY! Just I was thinking about everything while I was writing! Hope you can help :( :confused::confused: thanks!

P.S. I don't want it ending up where he hates me and I loose him as a friend either :(

[minaeve25]

I think the best thing for you to do is go slow.. Really getting to know someone takes time. Get to know him really well before you get too involved with him. Trust your instincts with men, if something doesn't make sense after its been explained to you its probably not true. Don't not give someone a chance just because they've made past mistakes or because of what your friends say or think. Keep your guard up until you truly know him& what kind of person he is.

[jaime90]

What a story! The first thing I noticed about your post, was the first thing you noticed about this guy:
smart, charming, attractive, experienced, and confident. While these are all a big plus when it comes to a boyfriend- you need to cool your jets until you know more things about him than just these. Anybody can appear to be anything- but you need to find out what his true intentions are, and who he really is.
Quite honestly, this can take YEARS of just being his friend. But years spent befriending the guy could save you from heartbreak, an abusive relationship, and finding out he's not who you thought he was- as oppose to starting a relationship just knowing that he is smart and experienced.

A guy that is charming and attractive, knows that he is charming and attractive... His charm usually has a big impact on girls like you- they fall head over heels- thank goodness you haven't fallen for his enchantments.

You say that this guy is experienced and confident- while confidence is a good thing, he should not be over-confident (as in, thinking he can get away with anything.) you mention that he seems spoiled, has quite the reputation (as learned by your friends), and has a drinking/partying problem. These are all things to take into account when you are looking for "the one." (that is, IF you are looking for the one, if you're just dating for sport you may as well get on with dating the guy so you can break up. I don't mean to be so negative. I'm asuming you want to find true love like most people do, not a short-term relationship... )

It is true that giving up on a guy or judging him for his past is not fair- but you do need to consider the fact that habits, problems, and experiences he has in his past, will most certainly be plaguing HIS thoughts, and will have an affect on his actions and current behaviors. Habits, ex-girlfriends, and conflicts that he had in the past have a good chance of appearing in the future. Just how far back, is this "past" of drugs and problems with the law?
You should also know that this man's drinking problem cannot be ignored because he's still "cool." Alcohol problems are not at all cool, and again you should consider this- alcohol can be very dangerous to a relationship.

My advice is to hangout with all of your current guy friends who you say are a little more level-headed, and get to know them better. As far as this guy goes: be his friend, hangout, and get to know him better. I would stop the flirty text messages, and let him know how you feel. You could try telling him that you'd like to get to know him better through friendship. The more honest you are, and the more you know where your boundaries are, the better. Be honest with him, and with yourself- know your limits and don't go beyond them for ANY guy who would disrespect you by wanting you to compromise your comfortability, your values, your family, or your culture for the sake of a relationship with him.

[Rize]

What a story! The first thing I noticed about your post, was the first thing you noticed about this guy:
smart, charming, attractive, experienced, and confident. While these are all a big plus when it comes to a boyfriend- you need to cool your jets until you know more things about him than just these. Anybody can appear to be anything- but you need to find out what his true intentions are, and who he really is.
Quite honestly, this can take YEARS of just being his friend. But years spent befriending the guy could save you from heartbreak, an abusive relationship, and finding out he's not who you thought he was- as oppose to starting a relationship just knowing that he is smart and experienced.

A guy that is charming and attractive, knows that he is charming and attractive...His charm usually has a big impact on girls like you- they fall head over heels- thank goodness you haven't fallen for his enchantments.

You say that this guy is experienced and confident- while confidence is a good thing, he should not be over-confident (as in, thinking he can get away with anything.) you mention that he seems spoiled, has quite the reputation (as learned by your friends), and has a drinking/partying problem. These are all things to take into account when you are looking for "the one." (that is, IF you are looking for the one, if you're just dating for sport you may as well get on with dating the guy so you can break up. I don't mean to be so negative. I'm asuming you want to find true love like most people do, not a short-term relationship...)

It is true that giving up on a guy or judging him for his past is not fair- but you do need to consider the fact that habits, problems, and experiences he has in his past, will most certainly be plaguing HIS thoughts, and will have an affect on his actions and current behaviors. Habits, ex-girlfriends, and conflicts that he had in the past have a good chance of appearing in the future. Just how far back, is this "past" of drugs and problems with the law?
You should also know that this man's drinking problem cannot be ignored because he's still "cool." Alcohol problems are not at all cool, and again you should consider this- alcohol can be very dangerous to a relationship.

My advice is to hangout with all of your current guy friends who you say are a little more level-headed, and get to know them better. As far as this guy goes: go ahead and be his friend, hangout, and get to know him better. I would stop the flirty text messages, and let him know how you feel. You could try telling him that you'd like to get to know him better through friendship. The more honest you are, and the more you know where your boundaries are, the better. Be honest with him, and with yourself- know your limits and don't go beyond them for ANY guy who would disrespect you by wanting you to compromise your comfortability, your values, your family, or your culture for the sake of a relationship with him.

Thank you Jaime90, that was some very good and practical advice. I also want to point out that I sometimes doubt how this guy feels towards me. He used to text me every evening except last weekend when he went away, but he has stopped texting me for the past 2 days. He replies when i text him and is friendly and as sweet as always, but not as flirty. But some days prior he hasn't been flirty at times and than can get into the mood, but lately he hardely texts. I'm not sure if he's bored or doesn't care anymore. Should I still cary forward with the date/hangout saturday? Or should I just wait till he brings it back up?
I also noticed that he can be a flirty person in general, charming to alot of girls. i've seen him talk like this to other girls on facebook, his friends. But some things he is more obvious when flirting with me, as if he really does like me. I don't know if he is just leading me on, because as you've said, I'm trying to keep my gaurd up too. I'm just so confused about saturday and I don't want to mention it to him since we haven't talked much lately and its more like friends when we do. Should I just wait for him to bring it up?
I don't want to end up looking like a idiot for falling fast in his 'games'.

Thank you so much by the way

[jaime90]

Why don't you ask him straight up? Let him know that his text messages seem flirtatious and ask if that was his intention. The only way to know is the ask!

[Jake2008]

So this guy is a 20 year old high school dropout. He has an alcohol problem, no job, and yet drives a car. He probably lives at home, or stays rent free with a friend, because I get the impression he doesn't work either.

What do you mean by you shouldn't judge? Of course you should! Judge him at least as much as you would buying a fresh tomato at the grocery store. How else do you figure out what to do.

I think there is sort of a 'bad boy' draw to this charismatic character you are considering seeing.

Be prepared, your heart will be broken. He has nothing to offer, isn't going anywhere. What do you think he needs from you.

Trust your instinct!! You are born with it for a reason, and it's called self-preservation and insight. There are far too many questions, and nothing substantial about this guy to justify a relationship.

I would make an excuse not to see him, listen to every single person who has given you advice, and walk away with yourself intact.

Bad news, all the way around.

[Rize]

So this guy is a 20 year old highschool dropout. He has an alcohol problem, no job, and yet drives a car. He probably lives at home, or stays rent free with a friend, because I get the impression he doesn't work either.

What do you mean by you shouldn't judge? Of course you should! Judge him at least as much as you would buying a fresh tomato at the grocery store. How else do you figure out what to do.

I think there is sort of a 'bad boy' draw to this charasmatic character you are considering seeing.

Be prepared, your heart will be broken. He has nothing to offer, isn't going anywhere. What do you think he needs from you.

Trust your instinct!!!!! You are born with it for a reason, and it's called self-preservation and insight. There are far too many questions, and nothing substantial about this guy to justify a relationship.

I would make an excuse not to see him, listen to every single person who has given you advice, and walk away with yourself intact.

Bad news, all the way around.

That was actually a pretty good strightforward answer. Thanks all of you! I will take all of what you guys said into consideration! :) Thanks again! I totally needed this!

[Rize]

Besides the obvious answer, it depends,
What are some legitimate signs that a guy likes you?
Because I'm kind of confused most of the time.
And when you start flirting, how important is space? Like if he doesn't text for a while what does that mean, and what if he still text you first but its no longer flirty? I'm just so I don't know... blah.. confused lol :p
Some help?

[Alty]

The number one way to know that a guy likes you is to ask him.

If you're unwilling to be honest and upfront, want to play games instead, then you ask his friends if he likes you.

Third way is to ask your friends to talk to his friends who talk to him and find out if he likes you. They tell your friends who in turn tell you.

Personally, I hate games. There are a lot of reasons a guy stops flirting. It's a stressful time of year, he may have other things on his mind. Maybe he likes someone else. Maybe you did something that made him think that you don't like him, so he stopped trying.

Too many possibilities. Walking up and saying "Hey, I don't like playing games so I just want to know, are you interested in me, and if you are, do you want to go out some time?" is the way to go.

The worst that can happen is that he says he's not interested. You won't be any worse off then you are now.

[Rize]

Thank you for the answer, but its somewhat complicated than that. We have no friends in common, we agreed to go to the movies this Saturday, and I asked if we were still on and he said yes. We hang out last weekend. He texts me almost every night, he does it first, not every day but almost everyday, but our convos are not as flirty. NWith all these behaviors that I just explained, would you conclude that he still likes me and is just busy, etc? From wha it seems I mean lol
Oh and by the way, he has a big friend circle, can be the "friendly" type, if you know what I mean haha
But were different people and yet we click, just I don't want to feel dumb for asking if all this was as friends even though I know its better if I do.
Plus I'm not sure if I want to go out with him, just I might be slowly falling and I'm afraid he might not want to if I decide to... lol

[Rize]

I'm not sure what category this particular post goes towards , but lately I've been looking at astrology and it has been pretty darn scarily accurate and I'm just curious. Haha
I like this guy who is born on a cusp, he is a sag/scorpio. I am a leo/virgo, also a cuspian. I want to know how I can get him to like me. Like do I look at both sag and scorpio, which I have been doing? What are some of the stuff you guys can give me? I want to know how to attract them. Not about our compatibility by the way. Lol :p

[amicon]

I suggest you try astro.com.

[Aprilmay12]

A guy friend once told me that if another guy so much as hangs around you or with you he probably likes you. Yes, it seems simple but then again guys are too. I think as females we forget how much more complex we are. He probably isn't hanging out and texting you just to be nice--he likes you. But here are some signs to look for when you're with him:
-smiles at you and then looks down
-he has dialated pupils (sign of affection)
-has his body turned toward you
-playfully makes fun of you or playfully hits you (flirting like a 10-year-old lol)

Just try an let everything happen for itself... I know it's hard : ) Enjoy your blooming infatuation, it's the best part.

And remember, guys have their moments of being completely stupid so try not to analyze everything he does. Best of Luck!

[I wish]

You can always wait it out and see if he confesses his feelings.

But the most direct way is to ask him directly so that you don't to keep guessing and going in circles over-analyzing his actions and words.

[jaime90]

Don't try to get him to like you. When you end up trying to "impress" or "attract" a guy- you can easily end up covering your negative attributes, and you can't hide your true colors forever. Why don't you try to be genuine with whatever guy comes your way- instead of trying to "get them to like you," this is very disrespectful to guys, and it's a little manipulative too.

[jaime90]

Don't drive yourself crazy by wondering. Ask the guy straight up. It could take a while for you to do get the guts to do this. In the mean time, learn more about him and cultivate a friendship in group situations.

[talaniman]

This is not as complicated as your making it, it's a crush, where you feel intense feelings and wonder if he feels the same. Happens to us all many times in life. Don't get carried away falling for a guy who loves to be around people, and has many options, and opportunities though, so keep it real, as your falling for the charm, but not seeing the person.

[Rize]

Don't get carried away falling for a guy who loves to be around people, and has many options, and opportunities though, so keep it real, as your falling for the charm, but not seeing the person.

I love that quote. It's deff something to think about. It has occurred to me before but I often find myself neglecting it and falling for it. Thanks for that! :)

[amicon]

Often charm can be superficial-without the personality to back it up.