[xodani]

This is really long and I am just venting, I would love advice so I'm sorry if I start boring you...

Ok so lately I have a very low tolerance for people. I am not sure what it is but I am much happier by myself when I don't need to talk to anyone. This is really not normal for me, I have never been a very outgoing person but I have always been social and able to talk and relate to people easily (or act like I can). I notice it more with my family than anyone else most likely it is because it is harder to hide my moods from my family. Out in public there are standards that society expects you to meet and I am a really good fake and so 9 out of 10 times no one knows when something is wrong with me. The reason I do that is because most of the time I don't know what is wrong with me. Anyway back to the point... so when I am at home it is easy enough to go into my room and listen to music, read, you know distract myself. When I am at my mom's her and my brother are usually to caught up in their daily screaming matches to bother me (that works for me). But every Wednesday my grandmother comes up to help out and it probably sounds horrible but I am ready to swallow a bottle of aspirin by the time she leaves. I love my grandmother but for some reason when ever someone tries to press conversation on top of me like her I CAN NOT STAND IT! Now when I am at my dad's house it seems easier to hide my moods but that is because my dad has always been very good at reading my moods and so just like in public I have become good at hiding it from him also, but it takes so much out of me and I never know when I am going to snap so I usually distract myself with music, a good book, or sleep. Im not sure what kind of help I am looking for so I will take any advice you have to give me. Thanks :rolleyes:

[meghanrenee]

Seems to me that you are feeling the way i
used to feel! I understand the Grandmother
situation as well. I find myself biting my tongue
a lot when she talks to me. As for my advice
for you, I say find 1 real good friend. That
you can COMPLETELY trust and just tell them
everything. It helps A LOT to talk about
them situations. They can help you through
it. Everyone has moments where its best to
be alone and just THINK. However, sometimes
it is best to just not think at all and live life
to the fullest.

Hope this helps a little. :)

[taoplr]

From what you write, it sounds like there's nothing wrong with you, but you are developing and changing faster than your understanding can keep up. You are probably also dealing with the issues of having your family split up, the tensions between your Mom and brother, and the demands of your world. It's normal to feel that something is "wrong." Maybe everything you are feeling is normal.

Why hide? What would happen if you let your family know who you are? What will they do when they know what you are feeling and thinking? Especially, why hide from your Dad, who is smart enough to read your moods reasonably well. If you opened up to him about what you feel, even if it is confused or negative, you might be pleasantly surprised.

And you will become a little closer to having an equal relationship with him. You will enjoy that equality with him one day, when he's old and you are an adult.

Since you are changing in ways that feel weird, you might feel better and navigate this part of your life better if you have more allies. I'd start with your Dad.

You are also changing the way you relate to the people around you. It's part of growing up. Being uncomfortable with some of that is normal. If the screaming between your mother and brother get to you, you are smart getting your alone time.

If your grandmother "presses conversation" on you in ways that you can't stand, you don't get anything by bottling up. Instead, you can gently and respectfully draw a line between you and her about when you want to talk and when you need to be quiet. This is OK, and a natural part of a more developed relationship that she will understand.

You can do this without hurting her feelings. She loves you, too, and can easily get hurt if you push her away. So give her some time, and tell her that you also need private time.

Take the pressure off yourself. This stuff can be worked out. Open up.