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Skittles911 · Jul 7, 2008, 03:23 AM

Okay so me and this guy have a thing together
We're not going out but he obviously likes me
We make out every time we hang out
And his friends ask me if I'm going to go out with him
But I'm kind of scared to because
He like more experienced than me
I know he's gotten blowjobs and stuff before and pretty sure he's had sex
And I don't think I'm really ready for all that
I've never given a blowjob or got fingered or had sex
So its kind of scary
But I really like him
And I'm afraid if I tell him I don't want to do that stuff he won't
Like me anymore
I guess I probably could give him a blow job or something if I was drunk
But it could lead to more and I don't want to lose my virginity
And what if I'm really bad at that stuff because I'm really shy
But yeah I'm ranting now srry
Advice??

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2008, 06:07 AM

Take the chance of telling him and him dumping you
Its better than taking the chance of trying to make him like you more and then him dumping you anyway.
You need to live up to YOU and your standards. Don't lose them to anybody else's standards or lack of.

ScottGem · Jul 7, 2008, 06:15 AM

You aren't dating but you "make out everytime we hang out". What message do you think this gives to a guy? Or maybe the problem is how you define "making out"? But ANY physical contact (beyond a greeting type hug and kiss) should be reserved for someone you have a romantic relationship with. Making out with some you hang with sends a message that you are easy. If you make out when you hang, then a boy is going to expect something more from someone he's dating.

So the first thing you need to do is stop what you are doing. You need to establish some boundaries.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2008, 06:18 AM

Wow I missed that line

You better be up front with him now because if you wait until you are officially 'going out' and then tell him when he starts pressing for more he WILL hate you and call you a big tease. If you are up front with him now that you do not want more because of your standards then he is more likely to respect you for that.

JBeaucaire · Jul 7, 2008, 07:42 AM

Liking a guy is no excuse for how you're behaving. This guy is doing NOTHING to court you or your attentions, he's just hanging around and kissing on you and tempting you to do more. That's awful, awful for YOU.

You are 2 steps into the 4 it takes to simply being a party girl. Your words lead me to believe you want to be a good girl, but you're already 2 steps onto the party field.

You will HAVE to leave this field if you want to play any other game. This field is only about making out, drinking (that's next), and ultimately sex. That's this game. You're playing it already. You need to admit that.

To stop playing the game you have to leave the field. You no longer go into these situations where you and this guy and whomever else just sit around doing nothing and pawing at each other. That's THEIR game.

Go find the field where guys and girls are playing the real dating game, the one YOU want to play. Those people only go to public places, they have plans and do "events". When the events end, they go their separate ways. They don't meander in the parking lots or behind the bleachers, they go home.

Your virginity is a fine thing to guard, but it is guarded by first guarding your mind. Right now your mind is betraying you, you are letting your "like" for a guy cloud your judgement completely. You'll have to stop, you'll have to be a girl who "dates" and not a girl who "hangs out" if you want to protect ANYTHING.

You can do it. But it starts with how you plan your free time. Start filling it with EVENTS and eliminate the unplanned hanging out, or you're doomed in the end. Boredom leads to random "playing around"... and in no time you'll be back here asking for help with MUCH worse situations.

ScottGem · Jul 7, 2008, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by Skittles911

i guess i probably could give him a blow job or something if i was drunk

This is another red flag. This would seem to indicate you are breaking the law by underage drinking. This also contributes to a questionable reputation and leads down a path, I think you don't weant to go down, but are afraid of the consequences of not going down it (not being popular).

Not_Stupid · Jul 9, 2008, 01:33 PM

I'd ignore most of that advice. I'm guessing it comes from people who have lead very sheltered lives and never experienced anything like this.

If it's obvious you like him and he likes you, and you both know that there's nothing wrong with kissing. The "party game" would imply going round making out with complete strangers at parties. I'm guessing that isn't what you're doing, clearly you like each other. Going out can be a big deal because one of you has to ask, and then you're officially "GOING OUT" which means people will ask you constantly about him etc. So I'll say again, as long as you like him, and he likes you, making out is all good.

"Those people only go to public places, they have plans and do "events". When the events end, they go their separate ways. They don't meander in the parking lots or behind the bleachers, they go home."

I disagree with that completely. This is, for lack of a better word, cold. If two people like each other, and like spending time together there is no need to plan "events". The fact that you're with the other person and can walk around, sit somewhere or whatever is good enough.

So that's that cleared up. Don't worry about kissing someone, you're not a whore...

I would agree that getting drunk and giving him a blow job is not a good idea. I won't say OMGYOUCANTDRINKUNDERAGE!1! For two reasons. Firstly I don't know if you are under age or not. Secondly, it happens. People need to understand that teenagers drink at parties. However, getting drunk and aiming to give someone oral sex is definitely a bad idea. It pretty much will end up going further and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

You just need to tell him that you like him, but aren't ready to have sex. He'll probably understand. If not, he's not worth it.

JBeaucaire · Jul 9, 2008, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by Not_Stupid

If two people like each other, and like spending time together there is no need to plan "events". The fact that you're with the other person and can walk around, sit somewhere or whatever is good enough.

Well, you may not be stupid, but you're definitely naïve.

Plain and simple, if two people who like each other just "hang around together" in private settings with no planned event, I 100% guarantee an UNPLANNED event will occur.

She's smart enough to realize this ahead of time and is already questioning the wisdom of that. She's smart. This forum is FULL of people following your advice and finding themselves wallowing in unwanted unplanned events.

Cold or not, truth is what it is. The universe wants boys and girls to hook up and make babies. The only things stopping that from happening is common sense. Common sense is very uncommon in teenagers for no other reason than they're teenagers. They lack life experience to go with those unbelievably powerful hormones raging 24/7 and disguising itself as love.

I certainly hope she continues to question these instincts and overcomes them, as well as advice from friends who encourage her to "hang out" with a guy who already is inspiring sexual thoughts. I certainly hope she's smart enough to keep questioning.

Hehe, glad that's cleared up.

ScottGem · Jul 9, 2008, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by Not_Stupid

I'd ignore most of that advice. I'm guessing it comes from people who have lead very sheltered lives and never experienced anything like this.

Well you guess VERY wrong. Most of us are speaking from a fairly large body of experience in a variety life events. The advice to ignore is yours.

Kissing is not a recreational sport, neither is sex. Anyone who thinks that needs to get a better grasp on reality. Kissing is an expression of romantic interest. It's a sharing of intimacy, that is not and should not be a casual thing. We have never gotten a definition from the OP of what constitutes "making out". Maybe is just kissing maybe its more.

But sharing that intimacy casually, shows a casual attitude towards sex that can lead someone on.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 9, 2008, 07:25 PM

What a romantic idea of your "first" time getting so drunk you would be able to do it?? Never , ever do anything you are not ready for. Never had sex until you are ready to have a bady. Read the sex posts, pulling out is not a method, over 10 percent of sex with a condom fails. Never have sex without at least two forms of birth control And so on.

You have a lot of good sense asking, now to be honest a lot of boys will always be thinking and wanting sex, the hard thing is to be sure and let them know the answer is no.

coolgirl_2008 · Jul 16, 2008, 11:38 PM

Well I would advise you to tell him how you feel, because if you two are true friends and he really likes you , he should be perfectly willing to wait. I was in a similar situation although much more comlicated and I was not ready to do any of that stuff and he was and is still willing to wait until I am ready. There should be no pressure in a friendship nor a relationship, because in both you are supposed to feel safe and secure. I hope this helps and I hope you don't decide to do something you are not ready for. Another thing I would like to advise is when you decide and are ready to do something with this guy, if you suspect he has had sex before and you have not, definitely use protection. Not only preventing STDs but it will also prevent any unwanted pregnancys. Hope this helps.