[Dad4hire]

In the last 2 years, I have been feeling left out from the family (wife, 18 years old son and my 17 year old daughter). They all complain that I am too strict and too explosive (I admit the last part). As time went by, I allowed my wife’s methods to be prevalent, which is very loose for my standards. The results: My son failed a great university; my daughter got into drugs and attempted suicide. I am desperately trying to change things around, but I am accused by all as intransigent. My daughter says that she hates me and that I am the reason for most of her problems. I gave her everything a teenage girl could ask for and I am far less strict with her than with my oldest. My wife usually is not supportive and in fact has been rebellious just like my daughter. I feel divorce may be looming soon, which I want to avoid at all cost, since I would like an environment as stable as possible for my daughter. I don't believe I have been radical. As a father, I expect from my kids to get their room organized, participate on the house chores, study hard and to have limited amount of internet and TV. My wife on the other hand, had allowed them to go on trips, come home at any time, wake up at non, and always side with them when I ask them to do anything at the house. I don't feel I live in my house anymore.

Should WE establish clear boundaries? Shouldn't’t WE act on the same page? I have lengthy discussions with my wife on what to do (I also listen) but in practice, all is positioned like I am the one imposing the curfew or rules. What can I do?

[progunr]

You, are trying to be a parent, your wife however, from your side of the story at least, is trying to be a friend.

I think that any parent that is more concerned about having the children like them, and be happy with them, than they are about doing what is right for them, even if that means the parent won't be popular, or may even feel disliked, is doing a great dis-service to the children, and society in general.

With the two of you so far apart in your individual parenting, this is a mess for everyone, you, the wife, and of course the children.

While I'm sure that you could benefit from some family counseling, without an open attitude, and the willingness to do the right thing as a parent, it may fall on deaf ears.

That is my only suggestion, some counseling, and try to keep the discussion open between the two of you. Perhaps, if you could "bend" just a little on something you wife disagrees with regarding your parenting skills, you know, be the first to give in a little, then maybe she would be more inclined to "bend" along with you.

I wish you the best!

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes you should but it can not be YOUR way or HER way, it has to be a JOINT way, so work out what both can agree to, and do that.

[liz28]

Parenting is suppose to team work and each parent should back each other and if they don't agree with one another neve state do in front of the kids only in private.

It seems that your kids might hate you because you did allow them to do what they, but your wife did so look what happen, was she always like did this when it came disciple?