[tkdgal]

I only have a couple of friends at school, and I like them a lot, but having only two of them makes me feel like a loner. I'm a very shy person, but recently I've made efforts to make new friends, mostly my best friend's friends, because they seem like nice people. I invited one of them to my birthday party a couple days ago, but they said they couldn't come because they had a 'family thing' to go to. That doesn't sound very convincing... more like they made it up just to get out of it by being polite as possible. One of my best friends is very social, and so I asked her how she makes friends so quickly and why everyone seems to love her so much. She told me she just says stupid, random things around people, and acts weird, and then everyone seems to like her. Hmmm... isn't there a better approach?

[tacramer]

I only have a couple of friends at school, and I like them alot, but having only two of them makes me feel like a loner. I'm a very shy person, but recently I've made efforts to make new friends, mostly my best friend's friends, because they seem like nice people. I invited one of them to my birthday party a couple days ago, but they said they couldn't come because they had a 'family thing' to go to. That doesn't sound very convincing...more like they made it up just to get out of it by being polite as possible. One of my best friends is very social, and so I asked her how she makes friends so quickly and why everyone seems to love her so much. She told me she just says stupid, random things around people, and acts weird, and then everyone seems to like her. Hmmm....isn't there a better approach?

absolutely, BE YOU! Sounds kind of trite, but acting like your friend will only demonstrate that you don't feel confident enough about yourself to "be yourself" in front of others. [reminds me of that genie's speech in disney's alladin - "Bee yourself".]

It is commonly believed that your close friends should be like you.. no not true... they will "harmonize" with you.. they will let you express who you are and the two (or more) of you together will suddenly be so much more fun than either of you alone... Their differences support, test, and sometimes confront what you value.

But never confuse what someone thinks, with who they are inside... Friends change and grow, and the wonder of them is when you realize that the growth would not have happened with out the differences between you two. The circumstance that wiped you out and devastated you - is something your friend can help you with - BECAUSE they Are Not like you...

short answer - you want to attract friends... become attractive - (now just listen).. invest in yourself.. join a club that interests you - NOT just the popular one.. join a singing / sports / debate / social interest / etc. group and find out just how individual and unique you really are.

The road of self-discovery will never end - friends are the ones that keep it from getting boring...

[Lolitah_xx]

Just start talking to people when their having a conversation join them but don't be too pushy or they won't like you but I know how you feel because I used to be shy,well I still kind of am but I just suck it up and let it go and I don't let nuthin hold me back and maybe that's what you need to do just go for it you know? Well good luck!

[huno]

The "Be yourself" advice is really the best you can get... if you change your personality, you may make friends, but will you really enjoy yourself? You'll have made friends by using a persona that isn't really you, and so they're not really your friends.

Having said that, you do need to get out there and interact with people. Being shy makes it hard--believe me when I say I know how hard it can be. Besides working on meeting people, you need to work on getting rid of your shyness. Thankfully, you can kill two birds with one stone, because by meeting new people and talking to them, you'll also start curing your shyness!

It will be very difficult at first, and very awkward, but know that feeling strange and taking on a few scrapes here and there means you're on the right track. Also, don't be desperate to make everyone you meet your friend. If someone is going to be your friend, it'll happen naturally; if not, then there's no point in forcing the issue (doing that would just make the friendship very shallow and very unfulfilling).

Start by joining clubs you're interested in. What are you into? Do you like to work out? Join a gym. Do you like to dance? Take a dance class. Do you like TV? Well, quit watching it and get the hell out of the house.

[watdoidonow]

First of all love the friends you have and don't drop them. A few close friends is so much better than a lot of just friends. But in order to make new friends you really just have to be you. Hey no one can be you better! Im sure that you are a great person and the right people will see that and they will be your friends all the other ones don't matter at all. I know that sometimes it sucks only having a few friends but honestly it's a lot safer. But if you want to make more friends and your friends have a lot of other ones then maybe just hangout wit them then the more you get to know them then maybe you will become friends. But remember it is very important to just be yourself!! I hope this helps

[rankrank55]

Yah know, friendship is really about quality, not quantity so build stronger bonds with the ones that you do have! Sure you can make new friends too but don't dwell on it, just be you and if people like you for you then sha bang, you've got yourself a bud!

[Clough]

I only have a couple of friends at school, and I like them alot, but having only two of them makes me feel like a loner. I'm a very shy person, but recently I've made efforts to make new friends, mostly my best friend's friends, because they seem like nice people. I invited one of them to my birthday party a couple days ago, but they said they couldn't come because they had a 'family thing' to go to. That doesn't sound very convincing...more like they made it up just to get out of it by being polite as possible. One of my best friends is very social, and so I asked her how she makes friends so quickly and why everyone seems to love her so much. She told me she just says stupid, random things around people, and acts weird, and then everyone seems to like her. Hmmm....isn't there a better approach?

All really good, heartfelt answers above. I would be sure to take them to heart, if I were you. Just some things that I would like to share now, coming from my own opinion based upon my own experience. Some may be a repeat of things mentioned above, but perhaps worth emphasizing in another way.

Want a friend, be a friend. Listen first, talk later. Reach out to others. It is a choice that we make. It's best not to be suspicious of a friend's actions, when they might not have total control over what they do, because they may have commitments to family. Family always comes first. It is good when the bond of family is so strong and when someone might feel compelled to think of their family first. Try to always be understanding of what friends want and need.

Friends can be family, too. Oftentimes, it's not who your "blood" is, but who truly acts the part - father, mother, sister or brother, who may not be related to you by blood, but acts the part because of the bonds of friendship with you.

There is an old saying, it is: "The best mirror is a friend's eye." Take it to heart, always be honest with your friends and open to dialogue. Tell them in a loving way, when you see something about them that may need some correction. Be totally honest and upfront with them. Help them by being that way with them. That is a good part of what friends are for, to love and to help each other. If they are truly your friends, they will be totally honest with you and help you in the same way by being honest with you. Sometimes people need a little "tough love" put on each other from time to time in order to help each other with things, because they are friends and being a mirror for each other. Friends help each other to keep each other from "falling down."

Most people don't have a lot of friends if they really think about it. Most of the "friends" that people have, are really acquaintances. I guess that one could call the acquaintances "friends." But, probably not so in the deeper sense of what it means to be a friend. A true friend will stand by you in the good times as well as the bad. They are the winter type of friends, strong and sturdy like the Evergreen Trees. Other type of "friends" are those who delight in being around when everything is just hunky-dory with no problems happening. They are the summer type of friends and not true friends at all, because they are not there for you when you really need someone to lean on and support you.

I am glad that you are making efforts to make new friends. It just takes practice. Sometimes you will win at this and sometimes you will lose. No one can get along with everyone. It is sometimes a hard lesson to learn.

People do meet new friends through other people. It is a basic law of physics that water seeks it's own level. It is the same with people.

Having only two or three true friends is really okay. Because of part of what I do as a living, and that would be being a professional musician, I have a godzillion aquantences, associates, or whatever you want to call them, who are kind of like friends. But, I can count those who are truly my friends on the fingers of one hand. The numbers of them may increase. But, it really doesn't matter. They are the people to whom I can truly pour out my feelings to and who will be with me to the end of my days on this earth.

I am sure that you will have friends like that. Sometimes you have to search for them. Being involved in group activities of whatever kind is the way to go. If you are shy, you can train yourself to be less shy. I used to be an introvert, now I am an extrovert.

Just remember that "water seeks it's own level." You will find the friends that are true friends eventually. Do the things that you like and reach out to others at the same time. Be active, not inactive. Proactive as opposed to reactive. Listen, then speak or act. Think first, act later. Please remember that it is a choice, to get out there and meet people, or stay at home alone.