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Cat1864 · Nov 16, 2009, 02:03 PM

I just read your thread from a year ago when you were trying to get her mother to allow you to continue dating her daughter after you went to college.

It made me wonder if she agreed to the 'promise' not because she believed in not drinking, but because it was one part of getting what she wanted-keeping you. I have a feeling that she didn't (and doesn't) look at it as 'her promising not to drink' as much as she does 'you promising not to drink'. There is also the thought that when she goes to college, she no longer has to worry about 'pleasing' her mother to be 'allowed' to see whomever she wishes (at this moment that is you).

Have you actually sat down and had a discussion (non-confrontational) about why her decision bothers you?

Gemini54 · Nov 16, 2009, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I just read your thread from a year ago when you were trying to get her mother to allow you to continue dating her daughter after you went to college.

It made me wonder if she agreed to the 'promise' not because she believed in not drinking, but because it was one part of getting what she wanted-keeping you. I have a feeling that she didn't (and doesn't) look at it as 'her promising not to drink' as much as she does 'you promising not to drink'. There is also the thought that when she goes to college, she no longer has to worry about 'pleasing' her mother to be 'allowed' to see whomever she wishes (at this moment that is you).

Have you actually sat down and had a discussion (non-confrontational) about why her decision bothers you?

Had to spread the rep Cat, but good catch on that one!

slapshot_oi · Nov 16, 2009, 02:14 PM

You kept up your end of the bargain, so she isn't being fair to you and I can empathize with you, but promising not to drink at all during college is unrealistic.

I wouldn't push it anymore, you already admitted to worrying about what could happen if she drinks, the very last thing you want to do is spend your entire college career thinking about your girlfriend; those four years fly. Be glad she didn't go to the same college as you. Go out, have fun on your own and forget about her.

someguy222 · Feb 10, 2010, 05:46 PM

Hello again,

My girlfriend and I have been going out for over 2 years (28 months was yesterday), and have been having sex since last Valentine's day. However, parents are unaware of this (or so we think). Is there any "good" way to tell your parents that you're having sex? And is there a way to convince them that they should leave the house for awhile (on a day like this Sunday) without being rude, or weird for lack of a better word?
Edit: Forgot to add this, I'm a Sophomore (in college) and she is a Senior (in high school).

All help is appreciated! Thanks a lot.

ScottGem · Feb 10, 2010, 06:31 PM

If she is a senior in HS, she may be under the age of consent, in which case you are committing statutory rape.

The next question is WHY you think you have to tell anyone (other than your physician).

Finally, no you don't ask your parents to allow or condone that you are having sexual relations. No one should be engaging in sexual intercourse until they are financially, emotionally and physically ready to have a child. As a sophomore do you understand what it will do to your goal of a college education if she should get pregnant. Let only her goals for a life and a career.

Truelove08 · Feb 10, 2010, 06:32 PM

Well I think just being honest with your parents would be a good way to go about it. I mean it is not like you're a sophomore in high school. When I told my mom I was having sex with my fiancé I just asked her to speak with me privately then told her and assured her we were being careful.

ScottGem · Feb 10, 2010, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by Truelove08

Well i think just being honest with your parents would be a good way to go about it. i mean it is not like youre a sophmore in highschool. when i told my mom i was having sex with my fiance i just asked her to speak with me privately then told her and assured her we were being careful.

How old were you both? Were you officially engaged? Did you ask them to allow you to have sex under their roof?

Truelove08 · Feb 10, 2010, 06:48 PM

We were officially engaged yes and it did not happen under my mothers roof, because I promised her I wouldn't. It instead happened at his house and after a few months our own house.

ScottGem · Feb 10, 2010, 06:55 PM

I suspected as much. Which is why I believe your situation is not analogous to the OP's.

Its also why I think your advice to the OP was not good advice. You are encouraging him too have sex with a minor. You are encouraging him to throw it in his parents face and ask them to condone it.

Truelove08 · Feb 10, 2010, 07:50 PM

My advice is not Encouraging him to throw it in his parents face it is saying to be honest with his parents what good is it going to do him to keep hiding it or trying to hide it from his parents? Eventually it will be out in the open and I believe it would be better for his parents to find out from their child and not someone else.

talaniman · Feb 10, 2010, 07:59 PM

And is there a way to convince them that they should leave the house for awhile (on a day like this Sunday) without being rude, or weird for lack of a better word?

That's the most disrespectful and arrogant thing I ever heard.

"Please leave so I can shag my g/f?"

I would kick your ever lovin' azz! Then let the law have what's left.

No there is no way to tell your parents to leave their house for such an asinine reason. If you can't get a room of your own, stop having sex.

I really thought you were a mature level-headed fellow.

whatislove · Feb 10, 2010, 08:17 PM

If you have to hide it, its not something good.

Truelove08 · Feb 10, 2010, 08:20 PM

And as for talking about not having sex before you're financially stable and everything I do not think its really any of our business to be judging him if they have been having it for this long I am sure they are being careful and understand what could happen. He is after all in college you learn that in around 6th or 7th grade. He's asking how to tell his parents now how to judge him. And who says she's a minor? A lot of seniors are not minors. So I'm not condoning him to have sex with a minor at all!

ScottGem · Feb 10, 2010, 08:54 PM

So its OK for you to support them having sex but its not OK for me to tell them they shouldn't have intercourse?

No form of birth control is 100% effective. Having sexual intercourse involves the risk of pregnancy. The risk of pregnancy should not be undertaken until one is ready.

Cat1864 · Feb 10, 2010, 08:55 PM

According to his older threads, that the newest has been merged with, she is 18 years old.

As a parent, I would not be receptive to my child telling me to get lost so he can get laid. Especially if it were with a girlfriend who isn't even out of high school (I don't care if she is 21 and still in high school).

However, if you do plan to 'ask for the house', I would suggest that you are extremely polite and understanding if they tell you to take a cold shower and they call her parents. You know how open your parents are. I don't. They could give you the keys to the house.

whatislove · Feb 10, 2010, 10:12 PM

And its not even that much to get a room. You can even split the cost
Now isn't that great.

someguy222 · Apr 29, 2010, 03:17 PM

I apologize if I seemed rude in my last post.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a couple years now (getting close to 3), with me being almost done with my sophomore year of college and her finishing up her senior year of high school. I got to college about an hour away from her, and she plans to go to college in the same area as high school, so it will remain about an hour away once she goes to college. We are from the same town, so during the summer the distance is not an issue. However, due to jobs and such, we will not see each other this summer as we would like to, and she is worried about this. She is getting very stressed out about the possibility of having to spend several more years apart during the school years and doesn't know if she'll be able to do it and still be happy. I have no idea how to answer this problem, as she doesn't want to break up, but I have no ideas how to make it easier on us. I go home on average every other weekend during the school year to see her. She doesn't want to sacrifice making friends in college to be with me every weekend, but she still wants to see me as much as possible, which contradicts itself a little, but whatever. So I guess my question is, does anyone have any tips, hints, ideas to make things more fun while we're apart or to relieve stress while we're apart or anything of that sort? Your help is MUCH appreciated.

DoulaLC · Apr 29, 2010, 04:01 PM

Long distance relationships can have their pros and cons. The tricky part is being on the same page as each other as to where you want the relationship to go. Couples naturally have ebbs and flows, where they are in sync with other and when they aren't; being apart can sometimes makes this more challenging. Your ages and stages in life play into this as well. Both of you are experiencing many new changes and she will even more so once she finishes high school.

Have you tried all of the various forms of technology to keep connected? Webcams, text messages, frequent phone calls, e-mail?

Discuss your relationship, hopes, plans, goals, etc. frequently so that you both continue to feel a part of the other's life while you are apart. Obviously little ways of showing you care can go a long way too.

How much together time you both need will vary and it may come to a point where a decision will have to be made... either figure out a way to spend more time together, remain seeing each other but move into a less serious relationship, or call it quits.

Good luck... :)