I don't know

one_life · Dec 28, 2005, 11:11 PM

Things have taken a drastic change for my ex. The guy she was seeing at work turned into psychopath. Appearently she wanted to break it off with him and he wouldn't hear of it. I had no idea about all of this, because I was ignoring her at work. I came to know only when the guy approched me at work and made some comments about the ex. Then I get a call later on from the ex asking me not give out any personal info about her to this guy. I tell her that I wouldn't give out anything out to this guy, and how could she even think I'd do that. I also told her to leave me out of their problems.

That is when she starts to appoligize (crying) and tells me how this guy is making death threats towards her and harassing her through phone calls and text messages and also threating to show up at her home. That is when I tell her she should call the police and report him, but she says she'll first make a comlpliant at work. I tell her to do what she thinks is right.

Because of the holidays the HR dept was closed so she could not complain to them, but she did tell her supervisors.

Appreantly the guy is so pariniod that he thinks she is breaking up with him because of me.

He threatened to kill me at work because I told him to leave her alone. He wanted to fight me. The dumb thing is that he did in front of the supervisers at work. Well there is an on going investigation at work right now. He is been suspended in the mean while, I guess he'll be terminated soon. It is no big deal to me, because I've been threatened before many times, but it is causing a lot of grief for the ex, I see it in her eyes, even though she tells me she is OK.

I think she used me as an excuse to break up with him. He just got crazier.

PS. All the threats are real towards her, she is not faking it. I'm feeling sorry for her.
This an update.

jeffatl · Dec 28, 2005, 11:18 PM

Damn bro, sorry to hear that. I think you are going about it the right way though, big ups to you! Where are you located? I got your back!! In in Atlanta buddy, hahahahahaha. Good luck with all of this, seriously, way to handle this like a real adult!:cool:

momincali · Dec 29, 2005, 12:14 AM

one_life, just read your latest post here. That was a pretty unexpected turn of events, actually pretty scary. If this guy is truly a nut, I would HIGHLY recommend that you begin looking for a new job as quickly as you can. I know you said you've been threatened many times before, but it only takes one guy to lose control and decide he wants to really hurt you. These people are unreasonable and once they crack they are capable of creating chaos and causing damage beyond repair. When your ex goes to HR to report this guy, it is going to make him pretty mad and being fired isn't going to stop him from coming after her or you for that matter.

I think you were right about her maybe using you as an excuse to dump him, but that just goes to show you she hasn't changed. She's willing to let this guy wreak havoc on you to get rid of him. Not cool. I would keep as much distance as possible from her if I were you. She got herself into this mess because she was playing games with the both of you, let her get herself out of it. If she comes crying to you again, tell her you aren't the police or HR and there's nothing you can or will do about it. Please look out for yourself.

Chery · Dec 29, 2005, 06:02 AM

Babe, as hard as it seems, I agree with momincali. The fact that this young lady used you to get rid of him, and before that, used him to get your reaction shows that she's still only thinking about herself and wants that 'knight in shining armor'. She needs to take matters into her own hands and stop playing the 'poor little me' bit.
You did the right thing advising her to go through the proper officials and to the police. If she comes to you again, suggest she move to another place to live, but that's as far as your 'obligations' should go, except for maybe suggesting she see a therapist. Don't be her 'crutch' or you'll wind up going back to where we started and I don't think you want that. You have a big heart, but that also leaves you open for more pain, so first and foremost you must think of your stability. Don't go through any guilt trip - you've gone through enough. Good luck and have a peaceful and healthy New Year!

Wildcat21 · Jan 2, 2006, 10:30 AM

Yeah dude you handled this the right way. Hopeflly she LEARNS something from this and that she is WAY better off with a Good Guy like you.

You should help her out as a guy like this is dangerous in the work place. I would separately go to the HR department and advise on what happened - ONLY IF your company does not have a policy or highly frown on inner-company dating. You need documentation that he threatened you - and with her documentation your company will see he is a loose cananon. Goingto the police would be a good step on this guy as you need to document that.

LIKE I ALWAYS SAY - don't dip your pen in the company ink. 80% of the time it turns out bad.

This other guy needs to learn from it as well.

What a freak with a guy saying no to a gal. This a big sickness.

one_life · Jan 2, 2006, 06:42 PM

WOW, I can't believe my eyes. Wildcat suggesting that I help out my ex. Are you feeling OK? Lol.

Anyway, being serious and all, thanks for all the advises, to all of you.

I'll keep you guys updated

Wildcat21 · Jan 3, 2006, 09:54 AM

In this case - yes. Now you see the perils of work romance.

Hopefully she has learned something BIG here.

Wildcat21 · Jan 3, 2006, 09:55 AM

Oh and Dude - if you still feel this gal is worthy (make sure on this) - it would be your time to SHINE!!

If not, then maybe you have lkearned something as well.

Wildcat21 · Jan 4, 2006, 05:07 PM

So what happened Dude??

one_life · Jan 5, 2006, 11:21 PM

The guy beens fired from work. He's been terminated.

Well, what can I say. The ex and I are talking now. I took her to the movies the other night. We spend more time together at work. I guess she truly sees that even after all she did to me, I still stood up for her. At this point I'm enjoying her company. I don't know what the future holds. Maybe there is a chance for us. Only time will tell.

Any suggestions?

Wildcat21 · Jan 6, 2006, 09:23 AM

Good for you man. Just have your barriers up this time AND show you've changed - show you are your hip to it.

Have fun with her... make sure to tease her, and make fun of her once in a while. Women crave that - seriously. Amp it up. Just be the fun guy - no pressure - don't ask ANY 'where do we stand questions', that's a woman's job and beprepared with a funny come back.

That guy seems like a massive loose canoon. He deserved to be fired.

And for the love of GOD!! - please give her space. Don't contact her 5 times a day!! Make her contact you. REMEMBER to do your own thing - hang with your friends, family, etc.

Be busy once a while. Have a hobby.

Learn to SAY NO to her.

She is not your life. She is only part of your life. Don't put as much importance into this early on or you will be back where you were before.

I BET she has learned something as well.

talaniman · Jan 6, 2006, 10:06 AM

Having read your entire post plus the comments the only thing that I worry about is you work in the same place. Not many that I have seen handle it very well ,but I wish you luck and I hope you and your lady happiness!:cool:

Chery · Jan 6, 2006, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by one_life

The guy beens fired from work. He's been terminated.

Well, what can I say. The ex and I are talking now. I took her to the movies the other night. We spend more time together at work. I guess she truly sees that even after all she did to me, I still stood up for her. At this point I'm enjoying her company. I don't know what the future holds. Maybe there is a chance for us. Only time will tell.

Any suggestions?

After all the trials and tribulations you both have gone through, maybe there is a chance for you to make it. You both are aware of what you are capable of and she just might know, understand, and appreciate you more now, I certainly hope so. You're right, no one knows what the future holds, but we can always try and grab that bit of happiness which we all deserve. Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

M2

one_life · Jan 6, 2006, 11:15 PM

Thanks for the advises boys and girls lol.

I'll keep you all posted.

Wildcat21 · Jan 7, 2006, 10:58 AM

I bet she may have a new appreciation for you.

JUST REMEMBER what pushed her away I nthe first place and do the opposite.

one_life · Jan 8, 2006, 02:20 AM

I think I'm getting too comfortable and close with my ex. From what I can tell she looks likes she is interested. I believe I should back off a bit. We spend too much time together at work and I drop her off at home these days. When I'm with her I tend to slip and call her honey or baby. I do a lot of touching too and she does too. Sometime It feels like we are like a couple again, but without the kissing and love making. Other times it feels like we best friends. I'm afraid it is too soon to get serious. I don't want to rush things. Any suggestions on how take this slow?

This might sound selfish, but this time around I'm looking out for my own feelings. I don't want to get hurt.

Yes I do go on dates. And yes I do go out with my friends. I'm very busy with my life outside work. The problem is when I'm at work I'm spending too much time with her. And no I don't call her.

Wildcat21 · Jan 8, 2006, 12:32 PM

"I believe I should back off a bit". - That would be wise. Don't fall into the friend zone.

"around I'm looking out for my own feelings" - you have to always - build barriers.

talaniman · Jan 8, 2006, 01:08 PM

There are no fast or fixed rules for dating and relationships because everyone is so different.Where you may be experienced that doesn't mean that my advice would work for you.We all have to ue our best instincts to work our way through the web of life and no one can predict the outcome.Sometimes you must weigh the risk of your actions against what you want as the final outcome.Just because you take the risk is no guarantee you will get what you want ,but if you don't take a risk you will seldom get what you want,So if you've fiqured out what it is you want, I say go for it!If your not so sure I would hold back and give myself time to think about what it is I really wanted and come up with a plan to get it.Please find out how YOU really feel before you tamper with the feelings of another!:cool:

Chery · Jan 9, 2006, 02:34 PM

Assess your 'friendship' again and read the thread from the beginning, if need be to refresh your memory of what you went through. Please do not go so far as to seek revenge of any type as this would only hurt you inside. If you do care about this woman, you have to heal and learn to forgive, only when you can do that, then you can take it further. You've been the 'knight in shining armor' now and have had many other roles in her life so far - what role does she have in yours?
I'm sure you'll know what to do - no matter what you decide. Again, keep us posted.

one_life · Jan 16, 2006, 02:32 PM

Are there succuss stories of people getting back together and it working out?Is it a good idea or bad?