[farfrmnormal]

I sometimes don't know what to post here – simply because I feel like no matter what I say/do here the only answer that seems to make sense to most is to walk away.

I will admit there is a small amount of hope that he will figure things out and we will be able to start over in our relationship (I say start over because the old relationship is dead – and I don't want that back). But I wouldn't say he is necessarily using this time to strictly “think” about us. He has admitted his faults and realized that it may take a professional to help him through his issues. I can say things over and over again – but from the posts that I have been reading here it seems as though most who post on here believe that once a relationship has been ended or put into “break” phase there is no going back – it may not be the case, but that is the impression I am getting. I believe there are certain situations in which you should fight for what you believe in and where your heart is guiding you & others you should just let go. The hard part is determining which decision is right for your situation. Too many people give up in relationships now days and I believe that the divorce rate is the direct result of people not trying to improve their relationships with others – not just intimate but personal relationships as well. Yes, there are obvious situations where you should not try (abusive relationships, multiple occasions of being cheated on and those who have tried all avenues to reconcile their differences). If both parties are making an effort to improve their personal being, why can't there be reconciliation in their future?

Right now I struggle with knowing which path I should take – I don't want to force him into a decision, but at the same time this cannot go on forever – he has acknowledged this, but why is he not applying it?

Is me setting a personal boundary of 2 weeks time (It would be 2 months since our break began) forcing him? (personal boundary in that I would not tell him I had set this boundary & suggest closer to the date that he and I discuss things) I must mention that in previous discussions he agreed that letting this go on for more then two months is ridiculous.

I am thinking about what I want – and almost two months into this break my feelings for him have not changed – I am still in love with him. If I knew what he was thinking about I would be one step ahead of him and wouldn't be where I am now. I would be comfortable not hearing from him when he said he would call – because I would know why he did not.

A proper break? Yes it would, but honestly – I am this far in, what is two more weeks?

I honestly don't think I could take a job away from my family right now. They are my crutch and moving to avoid things would only make things worse with regards to my emotional stand point.

[kuulski]

Hi I understand your feelings and your thoughts completely. It does seem to be no optimist on this site sometimes but that is actually not the case. I realized I was looking for people to tell me there was a chance we could get back together. Which there always is a CHANCE. But you can't focus on that you have to focus on you and you ONLY. Me and my EX have been NC for almost 2 months now. I usually go through it on mondays cause it's a new week and it seems to always remind me that we haven't been talking. What I try to focus on is the good times but also on the things that bothered me the things that made me sad in the relationship and realize that if they don't come back they are doing you a HUGE favor. Would you rather go through pain now and be better later or would you rather get back with that person and feel empty or feel like something is missing? I recently realized that the reason I was feeling like it has been SOOO long is because I am not in control. I am not the only pushing the buttons she is. Which makes me very anxious. My ex was not the greatest but what a friend of mine helped me realize is that she inspired me to make myself better to focus on me. I have had break ups before but this time I actually have been doing the things I said I would which is work out focus on my career my daughter. I have always done those things but now I realized maybe she was in the way? Maybe I didn't realize how much more I could have done if I wasn't so focused on me and her being together forever :>) HOpe this helps!

[farfrmnormal]

Thanks for your response – I am not asking people to tell me there is a chance, because as with anything there is a chance. All I am saying is, sometimes people give up too easily. There comes a point when each individual will act in their own ways to achieve the results they hope for – sometimes, they don't get the results they want and they become discouraged. If I were told today by him that he didn't feel things were going to work out, I would accept it and move on. I can accept that what we HAD is gone and I can accept losing some control of the situation. I cannot change him or his actions – ever, but what I can change is me. I am in the process of doing this – change is inevitable and constantly occurring, hence people falling out of love – things changed.

You know, 1.5 months into this I sit back and I think about all of the things that I could possibly see as reasons for not wanting to be with him – of course there were little quirks he had like not wanting to try new foods, or picking the onions out of every food he ate and how he remembered everything from when he was a little kid – but to be honest he was perfect. The only thing that makes me feel odd is his current behaviour and how he has removed his heart from his sleeve (I am suspecting he is doing this to heal himself and not leave himself vulnerable). Many ask me if my feelings for him have swayed at all – no, they have not – mostly because he was so good to me and I was the one who was blind in my behaviours (yes now 1.5 months in I realize he has some deep childhood issues that need to be resolved – he now see's them too, but only since the breakup).

I just think that people need to try harder, accept responsibility, make change if necessary and be optimistic that you will in fact be happy – and it could be happy with your ex. We cannot predict the future.

Hold on if you feel its right, but know when to let go.

[marvito]

Aww I read the whole of this, I have been with my girlfriend now for 2 years and I really am going through insecurities, I try to be the best I can I ALWAYS tell her I love her, I ALWAYS treat her with love and always say how beautiful she is. Take a look at my topic "relationship uncertainties" and see what you think.

[farfrmnormal]

No more limbo - we have ended things, for now. I can't tell you what the future holds - we may, or may not be able to work things out in the future. But now I live for me.

Life changes have caused him to be unsure about what he wants in life - I can't be with someone who is that unsure. I hope he finds his niche and is one day able to make himself happy.

Its unfortunate that he has been a "people pleaser" his entire life. If only he had done things for himself first and others second we may not be where we are today. But, I can't change the past - I can only work on my future.

Now the difficult task of NC - I broke it yesterday, but with the support of my family I know that anything but NC on my part can do damage to what may come in my future.

I am going to listen to the laws of the universe and laws of attraction.

Any insight?

[rol]

Hi Farfromnormal.

I'm happy you are no longer in limbo,

NC is hard, but as the months past it gets better.. you will have a lot of ups and downs along your healing journey, the anniversaries of events are the hard part.

A year has passed for me since I first posted here and I set myself free from that limbo situation.
Ive healed and I've began dating again and I'm having fun.

Time will help you,
Come here and vent and we can help you
Xxx

[farfrmnormal]

Someone came to me the other day and said this “For every year you were together you will have one month of pain in the healing process”. Looks like I have 4 months of healing ahead of me. I am not going to limit it to 4 months – I will know when I feel right.

[rol]

Yeap u will.

Hang in there , first months are so tough.

[GlindaofOz]

I really hope you find some peace doll. Just take it as you aways do one day at a time. I have faith that you will be fine and that things for you will be great.

[jasmine_rezzag]

In my eyes, if he is really serious about your relationship, if he really always loves you, he should understand you well as you guys have been together for 4 years, like you eager for marriage after long-term relationship, you eager for family……he is ready or not for marriage is not the point, not the reason. For man, if they do not want marriage or they do not want to marry you at all, they will NEVER be ready for marriage, and “Im not ready for marriage” will always become their excuse! Now you are 25, you are still young, but not that young! How many four years do you still have for one man? If he does not like what you want, he does not want what you want. Then get over him! He is not suitable for your life unless you are willing to follow up his timeline or you are just wasting your time!

[snuffy]

aww i read the whole of this, i have been with my girlfriend now for 2 years and i really am going through insecurities, i try to be the best i can i ALWAYS tell her i love her, i ALWAYS treat her with love and always say how beautiful she is. take a look at my topic "relationship uncertainties" and see what you think.

Marvito;

I had the same and believe me once she latches on to your innsecurity she will not feel the same.

I've just been here.

You don't need to tell her you love her all the time. I did that too. It smothers then.

She knows you think this. You have to sit back a little and see if she feels like this with you, or else there will be a major imbalance and you will be the one crying your eyes out; like I was.


Remember to keep a balance in your mind and don't make your girlfriend your everything.
She is a great 'part' of your life and nothing more.

Once you put her on that pedestal it is a long and sobering journey to get her all over you again.

AND it is a quick and very sudden bang back down to earth.

[Macamatics]

people need to learn the meaning of love and commitment, longevity, sticking together when IT'S NOT EASY, loving someone through the other's pain, forgiveness... men are so ^&%#^*( weak nowadays. It's not another woman though, I can tell so don't worry about that.

[Macamatics]

This post was a while back. I would be interested in what has come to fruition!