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    crazychick56's Avatar
    crazychick56 Posts: 105, Reputation: 8
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    #1

    Jun 2, 2009, 03:02 PM
    I really don't know whether to let it go or not.
    Well, I was crazy about this ex boyfriend of mine. We have been on and off for a year now and we were both head over heels for each other you know? Anyway, I have five main best friends, and one of them I knew I could trust above all enough said. Well, my ex boyfriend and her were best friends as well since I introduced them. And, I recently dumped him again because you know that saying that any girl should be treated like a queen so yeah. Lets just say that I was being selfish I guess and he didn't pay attention to me much and his attention was focused on other girls as well. So, I was not going to put up with it and asked was way out of the question so I just ended it. Now he asked my best friend out just because he hates to be single and he is desperate... she asked me if it was OK and I said this word for word, "I guess most parts of me dont care, go ahead, but i wont lie there is a small part of me that it will hurt but i guess it will get over it, but let me tell you i HIGHLY suggest that you dont because you wil just end up dissapointed and alone in the end," but she didn't listen to me and dated him. I can't stop her decisions and I'm a ggod friend so I'm just not going to yell at her "nO YOU CANNOT!" that would be rude so I can't hold her back, and even though I said it was OK, it bugs me bad. Should it? I mean she knew how much I really liked him and he was the first person I dated and felt this strong for out of all my realtionships, so he will always have a close spot to my heart and hse knows that. Do you think that a good friend would, (despite what I said) realize just how much I felt for him and decide on her own not to do that to me? To be a good friend? I'm wondering if its just me but it hurts real bad and I just don't know what to do, because I'm not going to take that out on her, that would be inapropriate.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:00 PM

    You can't expect someone to read your mind.

    Should she know? No, how could she? You told her it was okay.

    Should she have asked to begin with, well, that's another question all together. Friends should never date a friends ex, it's in the handbook! ;)

    But, she did ask, you did okay it, too late to go back and tell her you didn't really mean it.

    This is why it's always a good idea to be honest, even if you don't want to be.
    crazychick56's Avatar
    crazychick56 Posts: 105, Reputation: 8
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    #3

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:26 PM

    But I don't want to be a bad friend and like forbid her from him and knowing her she would have done it anyway so I wondered if there was a point at all in saying no?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #4

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:45 PM

    Probably not, but the fact is she asked and you said okay. Too late to take it back now.

    Do you think she would have gone out with him if you had said no? If so then it's time to re-evaluate that friendship.
    crazychick56's Avatar
    crazychick56 Posts: 105, Reputation: 8
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    #5

    Jun 2, 2009, 05:03 PM

    Yes, she has done it twice before and the last two times she didn't even ask me and did it behind my back but this time she asked but everybody told me and I KNOW this for a fact she would have said yes either way... its like she can't stand being single and either way she will do anyhting to have a boyfriend so I don't really know what to do in this situation with her
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #6

    Jun 2, 2009, 05:06 PM

    Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

    There's an unwritten code, you know it from the time you start dating. You never, ever, ever, ever date a friends ex. NEVER!

    Time to talk to her and ask her what's going on, why she's so interested in your exes.

    It won't be easy, but you need to do it. Is she someone you really want to continue a frienship with? It's only a matter of time before she doesn't even wait for the guy to be an ex.
    crazychick56's Avatar
    crazychick56 Posts: 105, Reputation: 8
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    #7

    Jun 2, 2009, 05:10 PM

    Well she is worth trying to work things out with because above all she is amazing but I don't know its just all confusing?

    How would I bring it up with her?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #8

    Jun 2, 2009, 05:13 PM

    I would sit her down and say

    "I've noticed that you like to date my exes, what's up with that?"

    Listen to her response and then add,

    "It kinda hurts my feelings. I know they're my exes, but I had a relationship with these guys and to see them dating my friend, well it hurts. I don't want it to, but it does".

    Then go from there.
    crazychick56's Avatar
    crazychick56 Posts: 105, Reputation: 8
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    #9

    Jun 2, 2009, 05:41 PM

    Ill start it off...

    Thanks:)

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