Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #21

    Apr 25, 2017, 06:41 PM
    FML why can't this world give me a god damm break. Thanks for all the advice replys. There is no way I can get around it so I'll just be grounded she can have my phone computer iPad I don't care. If there so worried about me they should have thought about how I would feel being left behind all the time.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #22

    Apr 25, 2017, 06:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nothingless View Post
    FML why can't this world give me a god damm break. Thanks for all the advice replys. There is no way I can get around it so I'll just be grounded she can have my phone computer iPad I don't care. If there so worried about me they should have thought about how I would feel being left behind all the time.
    They trusted your uncle. Wrong move on their part. None of this is your fault!!!!!!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #23

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:12 PM
    I've said this before, and I'll say it again. They know that something is going on, and they're worried.

    I have two teens a 14 year old daughter and an 18 year old son. I have the password to both their FB accounts. That was the deal when they got on FB, and as long as they live under my roof, that's how it stays. There are too many bad people online that can access my children, so everything they do online is monitored by me. They agreed to that, and that's why they have FB.

    Here's the thing kiddo, your mom knows something is wrong, but she doesn't know what's wrong because you won't tell her. So in her mind it could be all sorts of things, drugs, pregnancy, rape, you joining a gang, you shoplifting, you skipping school, you planning to shoot up your school, and so much more and worse. She has no idea, and you won't tell her, she just knows, like mothers do, that there's something going on that you're hiding from her. So now her only option is to do everything in her power to find out what's happening so she can help you, and that means putting on her mean mom face and doing things she doesn't like, like spying on you, and asking for you FB account info.

    If you were my kid, I'd be doing the same thing, and my kids would be just as upset as you are right now. The thing you, and my kids, don't get, is that as a mother it's my job to keep my kids safe, and if that means being a royal pain in their butts, then that's what I have to do. I'd rather they hate me if hating me keeps them safe.

    Right now you're not giving your mom a choice. You can make this all go away just by telling her what's going on.

    You don't see it like this, but you're a very lucky girl. Your mom loves you, and she's willing to do anything to help you. So give her the chance. Tell her what's going on.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #24

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:21 PM
    I've given her the password to my FB, she's in her office now on the computer I really don't think this was a good idea I feel sick.

    She's going to see the photos and freak out I know she will
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #25

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:34 PM
    What photos? Photos that have to do with your Uncle, or bad decisions you've made and posted?

    Hey kid, we all did stupid things as teens. Only difference is, there was no FB, or Instagram or twitter, when we were teens, so if you gave someone a nude photo, they had to pay to photocopy it in order to send it around the school, and no one had the money for that. Also, taking a nude photo didn't happen often. I mean film was expensive, and then you had to pay to have it processed... just too much work and too much money. But ya, we did stupid stuff too, it just wasn't all over the world like it is now, just by posting it somewhere online. I miss those days.

    As for the stuff she'll find that your Uncle sent, that's the perfect time to sit her down and tell her what's going on. If you can't do that, then maybe give her the link to this site, tell her your username, and let her read what you posted, and our advice to you. That's as good as writing her a letter, and maybe seeing the replies from other parents, and people that have been through what you've been through, will help her deal with this. I mean, she's a mom, but she's not God, and all of us can use help dealing with things that are hard. Maybe we can help her help you.

    Don't be scared. This is the first step. Now telling her will be a little bit easier. Tonight's the night kid. You can do this. I know you can. I have faith in you.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #26

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:43 PM
    No photos my uncle sent to me. I don't know if I can do this I'm stressing out shouldn't have done that. She come up to my room before but I didn't open the door. I think she's on the phone now I can hear her talking. I really want to jump out my window and just get away. I'm scared to talk to her
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #27

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:48 PM
    Will she know or be able to figure out that the messages are from your uncle?

    *holding your hand*
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #28

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:58 PM
    I don't know. She just come up and told me she's calling the police. Far out this is not good. I don't know why she called the police FFS.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #29

    Apr 26, 2017, 05:07 AM
    Nothingless, we all understand how much you just want to make this go away.
    But you can't. Not by deleting things, but mostly not be hiding the truth. It will remain in your mind and your parents' worries forever. It will affect everyone around you, and it will affect you.

    I want to repeat one thing I said days ago:
    Most sexually molested children (yes, you are a child) feel some guilt and responsibility. They worry that it is their fault. They worry that they should have prevented it and stopped it from continuing. That is often the number one reason why they try to sweep it under the rug.
    NONE OF THAT IS TRUE, no matter how you look at it. Once you tell your mother, I hope you will see a therapist for a while so you can sort all that out.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #30

    Apr 26, 2017, 10:40 AM
    I just thought I'd let you know what has happened since you aĺl helped me get to this point. My mum did ring the police, she presumed I was sleeping with an older boy from school because of my Facebook messages. The police come asked me lots of questions told me to make better choices about photos on internet and wanted the persons name who sent me messages. I was so scared I didn't say anything just cried.

    When the police left me and mum had an argument, more like her yelling at me, I couldn't listen to her yelling at me so I just told her everything. I showed her all the text messages and letters from him. It wasn't easy I fell horrible dumping it all on her. I'm not to sure what's going to happen now mum didn't say a lot.

    She's been crying I can hear her from my room I knew it wouldn't be good, I think maybe my dad might be coming home so that will be good for her. I don't really know how to feel at the moment, I am very anxious though not knowing what's going on.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #31

    Apr 26, 2017, 07:03 PM
    Remember what I told you, at first she'll be upset, then she'll be mad, then she'll be upset again, but none of that is directed at you. None of that is your fault. It will take her some time to wrap her head around all of this, give her a bit of that time, then tell her how scared you are, what you're feeling, and that right now, you need her.

    Talk to her. She's your mother and she can help. Now that she knows, she can offer lots of help, but it will take her some time to come to terms with all of this and to figure out the next step. You've had a long time to deal with all of this, she just got the most shocking news a mother ever gets, but she sounds like a good mom, so I know that once the shock wears off, she'll figure it all out.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #32

    Apr 27, 2017, 11:33 AM
    Hopefully they see all this!
    I have a feeling that you aren't able to use your computer, so we shouldn't expect to hear from you for a while, at least.
    I for one feel for both you and your mother. You are hurt, she is hurt. Many are hurt because one man is a horrible creep.
    You and your mother NEED EACH OTHER'S LOVE right now.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #33

    Apr 28, 2017, 04:57 PM
    My parents want to press charges against my uncle. They want me to go to the police station. I really really don't want to do this not at all. I don't know what to say to them to make them listen to me. I know that they are angry and sad or whatever but they aren't thinking how I feel. I don't understand why they just can't leave it, I told them they know I don't have to go there anymore.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #34

    Apr 28, 2017, 05:08 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nothingless View Post
    My parents want to press charges against my uncle. They want me to go to the police station. I really really don't want to do this not at all. I don't know what to say to them to make them listen to me. I know that they are angry and sad or whatever but they aren't thinking how I feel. I don't understand why they just can't leave it, I told them they know I don't have to go there anymore.
    Your uncle broke the law many times. Why don't you want to file charges against him?

    You say your parents don't understand how you feel. So tell US, how do you feel?
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #35

    Apr 28, 2017, 05:20 PM
    I don't want to file charges against him because I don't want to. I don't want to have to tell anyone else. I don't want to go to court. I just want to live my life as though nothings happened. I don't want this to take up anymore of my life than it already has.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #36

    Apr 28, 2017, 05:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nothingless View Post
    I don't want this to take up anymore of my life than it already has.
    This has been going on far too long. And it will always be in your heart and in your life. It will affect your relationships with others, especially with guys. Please do the right thing.

    Ask about a private meeting with the judge (and your lawyer? do you/your parents have one yet?).
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #37

    Apr 28, 2017, 07:12 PM
    Nothingless - you have to. You just plain have to. You can't hide, you can't forget about it, and you can't go through the rest of your life pretending it didn't happen.

    Life is unfair. We are all so sorry that it had to hit you like a ton of bricks, but it did.
    Getting this over with will take time, sure, but it's better than taking forever. Because as Wondergirl just said, it will NEVER go away.
    We who are older (I'm 70) KNOW many things never go away.
    But it will harm your future if you think it's better to hide.
    YOU HAVE TO do what your parents say. This is for YOU.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #38

    Apr 28, 2017, 08:48 PM
    Kiddo, I think I know why you don't want to press charges. You somehow, mistakenly, think this is your fault, that somehow you allowed this to happen, that somehow you had a choice. I get it, I felt that way too. You know my history, what you don't know is that the rape that happened when I was 18, was a friend of mine. He asked to come over, I let him in the house. For many many many years I felt that it was my fault, that it wasn't really rape because it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let him into the house. I felt that it couldn't be rape because he was a friend of mine, and no friend would do that. One would think I'd know better because I was molested by my cousin, and that's family, so if family can do it, friends certainly can. But I still thought it was my fault. I was wrong. So are you.

    Yes, he's your Uncle, and he should be someone that you can trust, like a second father, someone that you can lean on and depend on. He's not. Everything that happened to you is his fault. It doesn't matter if you hugged him, or wore something pretty, or had makeup on, or whatever else might be going through your head. It doesn't matter if you friended him on Facebook, or replied to his messages. He groomed you, and he molested you, and he should not be allowed to get away with that.

    I'm not going to lie to you, going to the police will be hard. Going to court will be hard. But this will not just go away even if you don't press charges. This will always be a part of you.

    You have to do this, not only for you, but any other young girl he tries to molest, and trust me, he will do it again. You have to do this to put it behind you. You also need counseling. I can't stress that enough.

    Right now is the worst time in many ways, it's the time when it's all come crashing down, and you feel like you're stuck. You will get through this. I happen to believe that you're a very strong person, and I know that you will get through this. We'll all be here to help you through it, as much as you need us to be. You're not alone, okay?
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #39

    Apr 29, 2017, 01:20 PM
    I can't help but feel it's my fault. There was a million things I could have done told someone, screamed. I didn't say anything, I never told him to stop I did what he told me too. I let this happen for 2 years makes me feel disgusting I really hate myself to scared to tell so I said Nothing!!

    Now that I have told my parents I wish I never. I don't want to have to go through everything I didn't tell my parents everything just basic. The police will want to know more and I can't do that. I just want them yo leave me alone at the moment let me have sometime to think about it.

    I don't want this to be apart of me forever or a part of my life. I ing hate my life.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #40

    Apr 29, 2017, 04:08 PM
    We've been telling you since day 1 that's it's normal to think you should have 'done something.'
    We are RAISED by our PARENTS to be polite and respectful of adults, ESPECIALLY RELATIVES!!! To trust them!!! To do what they tell us!!
    And men like this uncle are usually very good at making a child feel like they shouldn't tell anyone, or try to stop him, and even in little subtle ways, get you to blame yourself.
    It might be for being pretty, or nice to him, or any number of reasons that are ALL BOGUS!!!!

    How can we get you to be angry at HIM??? Look what he has done to all of you!!!!
    ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!
    N
    O
    T
    Y
    O
    U
    R
    F
    A
    U
    L
    T
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

How to face parents when they get to know? [ 8 Answers ]

I am 19 and I have just completed one year of a relationship, and except for my mother, my whole family knows about my girlfriend (my father is no more). Her mom is very conservative. She says she is going to skin her alive if she comes to know about her being in a relationship with anyone. She...

Face book page will not scroll [ 0 Answers ]

Face book stalls and will not scroll

Error on page on face book [ 2 Answers ]

I can't do anything because I have error on page in Facebook

Face Book [ 8 Answers ]

Hi there! How do I download photos off My Documents onto Face Book? I have tried to download photos off My Documents and then onto My Pictures to see if that will work, but the photo comes up blank?

Face book [ 1 Answers ]

Every time I go on Facebook it says error on my page and I can't delete or see my friends profiles


View more questions Search