I'm Caroline and I'm the oldest of three children, I'm 15 and will be 16 in May of 2009. My two younger brothers are 12 and 13. We live with my mom and new stepdad. We love our stepdad although the new authority with two parents is a bit overwhelming. Anyway, every weekend, we visit our father in a city a few miles away (about 30-45 minutes by car). We love our dad. He doesn't make us clean and he likes to eat out. :) But besides that, he treats us equally. My mom has always been one to pick favorites, whether it's in Youth Group at church, or with co-workers or with her own children, she's always had a favorite, even if that favorite changes.
Being the oldest, as in, I'm sure, a lot of families, I get blamed for things I do not partake in. When someone doesn't feed the dogs, "Caroline! Why didn't the dogs get fed?" When my brothers don't practice their instruments after school, "Caroline! Why didn't you remind them?" Me getting blamed for things because I'm the oldest and most responsible is understandable (though not quite agreeable).
70% of the time, my mom and I are disagreeing on some point. As recently as today, I was blamed for letting my dad buy my brothers jackets when they already had some. I wasn't aware that in December, the maximum requirement for jackets and hoodies was one. (sarcasm?)
My mom has a drinking problem, as well. There isn't much to say on this point except for the obvious: a drinker isn't safe. She has a few (or a dozen) glasses of wine before bed, but often takes it past the limit.
In August, my mom remarried a man named Keith, whom my brothers and I adore. After the wedding, she alone decided that living in Keith's house was the best thing for the family. In doing this, my brothers and I transitioned to new schools in a new city. I'm a sophomore in high school and switching schools is hell, honestly. I've been in school five months and still haven't made any friends. We live in a worse district, in a lower income neighborhood and in an all-around more rundown city. By many opinions, my mom did NOT do what was best for the family. My mom married so we could live more comfortably and have two parents: we now have less money to support five people than we had before my mom married.
In making my major points, I have decided on my own that my mom would be better off taking care of two children instead of three and I would be better off with my dad as my sole guardian.

To make my dad's side short and sweet:
My dad makes enough money annually to take care of myself and him as well as my brothers if it came to that.
My dad hasn't drank in over five years after understanding that he had a problem.
My dad treats my brothers and I equally, like we're all his children (which is how I believe my mother should treat us).
I never argue with my dad.

There's one more thing I must factor in before I go before a judge with my request...

If I move in with my dad, my brothers will want to, too. I don't want to be selfish.

I want to know if going before a judge is the right choice? Am I just being overdramatic? If I am, I need to know now before I make a fool of myself and lose a case and lose the respect of my mother along with it.

Thanks(:

I am astonished by how you just put yourself together in this post. I also respect you for not acting too fast and concerned with losing the respect of your mother.

On another note, a good list of pros and cons for your mother and father to read would be great. You know kids sometimes don't see the full picture and maybe they can explain it to you a little better. There may be things that they choose not to tell you for very good reasons. You never know. Have you talked to your father about this yet? You know everyone needs to agree especially your dad and you... if you want to take it to court.

I would suggest a blended family counseling course for the new family.

But I will say the choice to move to one or the other home is the parents choice not really the children, on TV or in some places children may be asked but in the end, it is not their chioice.

Your dad will have to file for a change in custody in court, he will have to show why that would be of benefit to you, and you would be asked.

So mom and dad have to also fairly well agree to this.

Thank you both for your opinions and advice.

Startover: I will get to work on that pros and cons list for you right away, because I do see the need for it.

And Fr_Chuck: I looked into legal custody changes beforehand and I've found that as long as I can state my point just like in any other case, my father could win custody.
I will definitely look into counseling though because that is a good suggestion. But in order to understand why I haven't done this before, you might have to know my mother; she has a tendency to fall into the more stubborn and selfish category. She's the type of person to hear what you have to say, though it won't ever sway her opinion. Does that make sense?
I've tried talking to my dad about it, but he's never really comprehended the seriousness of my plead.

Your dad will need to agree for you to come and stay. If an order is already arranged, I assume your dad will have to get a lawyer to work out the details to get you to his home.

You sound so mature and you are really thinking things through. What are the main reasons for your venture to move with your dad? What are your main dislikes about staying with your mom. Sounds to me it is working with your mom, but you feel as if it would be better with your dad. Your siblings may have a really hard time with this, and you may not like it like you think you would with your dad, you need to remember to write those thoughts down and what you plan on doing then. Good luck! Hugs

I tell you what, you're a bigger person than me hon, I'm also 15 and if my parents get devorced, and my mum remaried, I would be a complete asss to my stepdad, no matter how cool, nice, or what ever he is, I look up to my dad way too much, he's my hero, and no other guy can replace him, my dad was an ex navy SEAL for christes sakes, well to answere your question, and I, honestly, only got the gist of your question sweat heart, I'm listening to ac dc, so I'm kind of having a hard time paying attention, and I'm also trying to get over ciggerettes, but anyawys, to answere your question, I believe its very mature that you want to be with your dad, its better for your mom, and your younger siblings, trust me

I can almost understand what your going through my parents are split and I prefer my dads also. The only difference is I only have one younger sybling and my mom and I can stand each other most times. Now in your situation I think you have a really good point and if it had to go to court you are old enough to decide who you are better off with. But as far as your brothers go his decision has to be made for yourself and no one else ad hopefully your parents can respect that