Hey, will really try to keep this short, but my god it's difficult.
I'm 17 and a virgin. I'm using this site because I don't feel like my friends can give me impartial advice. I've been friends a guy for about 4 years now, a few non platonic phases along the way. We were "seeing" each other, I guess is what you'd call it, for a couple of months about a year back. He was never really going to commit because he'd recently ended a 2 year relationship, and I did understand that. I think really I was more like a teddy, something for him to cuddle and be fond of. Anyway I guess a part of me hoped one day he would commit, I've always thought him too good for me.

That ended at the beginning of this year, I found out he'd slept with one of my best friends, "Harriet". We basically agreed we'd wanted different things, but the rejection, especially with someone who I thought was loyal to me, did hurt and still does. After that it affected our friendship, and there were some awkward months, on and off periods with his ex, and he's apologised more than once. None of this is to do with my question but it is sort of important background.

In September he moved away, which I've found very strange and has reawakened some feelings I thought I'd suppressed. We don't communicate well over the internet, when we rarely try, and sometimes I feel I'm making more of an effort than he is. In person it's a lot easier.

I found out in October, from "Harriet" that she'd slept with him again. There's a lot of background to her, she's been around many of my male friends, and has brutally f***ed a lot of people over. I'm not friends with her anymore, as of around last week. That's another story but it's generally because she's selfish and makes people miserable, this example is a mild one believe me. This time though, he told her it was a mistake and that he wanted it to have been me, but I had been asleep at the time. Apparently he was drunk and she was quite forceful. He came back for a visit after this, and told me he likes me a lot and misses me.. kissing etc. We ended up ignoring the whole "Harriet" thing, and it was really good. But I feel that maybe I'm being a fool to trust him, and in the long run it'll end badly. And couldn't he have goddamn woken me?

He's back again this weekend, and then for a while the weekend after, and I think sex in the next month is definitely a possibility for me. He's spoken to a mutual friend about it so I know he wants to. The thing is, I've never felt so strongly about anyone, I've never been in love and the idea of sex scares the hell out of me. But, for over a year now, I've always thought in the back of my mind it would be him, maybe because I've been single for so long. Anyway, my question is really is it worth it? He lives far away, and I miss him enough already without adding an extra complication. Also the idea of him and "Harriet" repulses me slightly, and I don't want to end up feeling used again. I've held onto my virginity for a reason, that I don't want to regret my first time. I'm honestly not sure whether I'd regret it or not..