Hi pals I just have a simple but difficult question for u "what could u choose between love|wife and family|parents?" can you tell me the reason? :confused:

Its seems to me, especially daughters have a hard time with this. For me personally my wife is the most important person in my family right now. My wife. When the son leaves his mother and father, and the wife leaves her father and mother. Both people come together and join together in marriage. They become one body, one mind and one spirit. They come together and rely on each other and grow together and create a family together.

Joe

Hi,
Do you mean make a choice to love your wife, and keep your parents' and family out of your love?
Or, something like, love your wife, move away, and don't bother with your parents and family?
You would have to be more specific with your question.
But, I will say that when a person gets married, believe it or not, you are also marrying the parents... in a way of speaking.
Your wife is also marrying into your own personal family and your parents.
Usually, if parents don't like your choice for a wife, you would know it long before you get married. And, there will be problems!
If you have the choice to make between either your wife, or your parents, then you really, really have some choice here... very difficult.
No one can tell you what to do... it's your decision. Parents look forward to being grandparents, but if they don't like your wife, that is taking much from them.
I hope this helps in some way.

Hi pals nice suggestions, even though this is my personal I would like to know your suggestions I welcome for more suggestions .since it's a difficult querry
Thnks for your suggestions

You need to explain your situation better. Give us the situation your facing and then we can comment more and give you better suggestions.

I am not sure what you are asking, so I will just take a whack at it and assume that I understand what you are asking.

My mother is always against my marriage; I have been married for 17 years now. I love my husband and would stand by him even if the sky was falling on our heads (and it has more than once). My daughter and my husband are my life my world, my mother is my mother and I will love her for who she is and disregard most of her comments because I know she means well. I know that even when she is not happy with me she still loves me, and she know it is the same with me. I know that she loves me, but my family (my family) is first. This does not mean that I love either less. I just choose to stand on my side of the fence and not my parent’s side.

I hope that this was not to confusing, so how I seem to confuse myself while answering this (too funny), any way I hope I was in some way helpful to you. Donna

Hi Jesushelper76
I can explain here . I love my parents as much as I love my love I can't lose anyone so if my parents are against us then this situation is worse for me I can't decide further . I can't ignore my parents for my love at the same time I don't want to lose my love too,I'm from india I think you know the indian mindset. We are more sentimental to our attachments, I hope now you can suggest your solution to my problem
Thanks for all earlier suggestions

See I am canadain. My wife's family is spanish. Everything seemed good until talk about her moving out and getting married or even having children. The problems that they caused are unbelievable. In our culture, our religion. When two people join together in marriage. You become one and you then begin to start your own family. My wife was always torn between you meddling family and myself and she did not think it was right, but it is your life and it is your choice what to do with your life. That is including getting married to a love that your parents do not agree with. It may be tough and believe me I know it is very tough but I have a hard time commenting on india culture because I am not completely aware of what is different. I do know that if family is causing problems now they probably always will that has been my experience so far. It comes to a point though does your family want you to be happy or resentful toward them because they caused problems between you and your parnter. Is there anything else you want to ask or tell me more about your culture expectations.

Joe

You should not just shove your family off to the side because one day that love you talk about could be gone but your family who is your blood will always be there. But your family does need to understand they have bounderies and you should stand up for your partner. Don't let them be in your face or coming up in your house at god awfull times of the day just to tell you " my lord honey why are you wearing all that leather and what are those hand cuffs for?"

OK pals thanks for your nice suggetions
Have a nice day :)

Your family may be bitter for a while - but they will come round. In time they will see how much you and your partner love each other and how good together you are and they will accept her and your relationship with her.

Have a bit of faith and don't let go - it will all work out in the end - you just have to be patient! Nothing is ever simple.

DJ 'H'

I pray that your right. My wife and I are still going through problems with her family it is almost as if they want her to feel like crap all the time and too the point that I will be pushed so far that she can go back to mommy and all would be happy again.

My wife and I are still going through troubles. Unbelievable.

Hey obviously cannot let go of their "Little Girl" as it were. Cannot accept she has grown up - that's why your seen as the villan - seen to be takinng their "little Girl" away. They just need to accept that she is not a "little Girl" she is a grown women & married.

How long have you two been married? How long has this been going on for?

DJ 'H'

We have been married for over a year. We are both 29 years of age. She moved out of her mothers house 3 or 4 months before we got married. Everything was great until marriage and moving out and baby talk occurred. It has been nothing but trouble to long of a story to tell but her mother is very manipulative, very controlling and loves to have guilt trips. Very abusive in many ways.

Sorry to butt in. I understand that this is her mom but she is hurting because of her. Time to tell mom when you can clean your act up then ill talk to you till then bye bye mommy. You two don't need that stress in your life.

It is very easy to say, harder to do, if you love your spouse, then you have to tell your parents no if they are causing trouble.

In fact you may have to limit your relationship with them, if they continue to cause problems within a marriage.

A good parent, may not like a marriage, but they will still support their child, not cause them trouble.

My ex's mum was like that. Very manipulative & controlling! Just did not want to lose her son. Everyday she phoned him - ordering to go out and get her Milk, Bread & a newspaper (even if we had both been out the night before and he had stayed at mine). If we had problems she awlasy insisted getting involved and doing the talking for him and she insisted on bossing me around also. I had to do what she wanted and act the way she wanted me to. If I didn't then she got really funny. Would make me feel really small and uncomfortable in her company in her house. Nothing I did was ever good enough. But my ex never had the balls to stand up and say "this is my girlfriend - I love her for who she is - so accept that" - He did not have the courage to stand up to his mum at all in other areas and say "this is my life, not yours"

That's why he never earned repect from his mum and she still controls him even now and he is 25yrs old.

I have always told my mum "this is my life and I will live how I choose to - if I make mistakes then let me; I will learn from them" So she has always respected me to make my own decisions and stand on my own two feet. Ok we are having a major issue at the mo because my parents have split up - but usually she is very supportive and does not interfere.

This is something your partners mum isn't doing. Your partner (as hard as it is) needs to put her foot down and tell her parents that they must learn to accept you or run the risk of losing all of you. It might spark a row in the beginning - but eventually after processing their thouhts they will come round and realise how unreasonable they are being. They have not allowed themselves anytime to get to know you and they have not given you time to get to know them. How is any respect going to be earned.

Things always get worse before they get better. Think of it like a storm. You have the calm before the storm where everything builds up (thats where you are your partner are at) - then you have the storm (which will be at the point your partner puts her foot down and stand up for herself) - then the storm is over (that will be the part where they learn to accept you and their daughter as one)

I hope things work out for you. Goodluck.

In an ideal world yes - but things are not that simple. She loves her partner and her parents who have been their her entire life. She should not have to choose one or the other or have to cut one or the other out her life.

She just needs to speak up and give them time to understand, Still make an effort even when the storm blows up. Not to argue with them or shout. If things get heated - take a break walk away; let thing calm down and try taking to them again. Things will only become bitter otherwise and she may loose her parents all together.