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    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    May 17, 2007, 03:26 PM
    How are you supposed to know?:(
    How are you supposed to know if you are ugly? I can't base it on my own opinion, because I insult myself every chance I get:(
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    May 17, 2007, 03:28 PM
    Honey, you aren't ugly. Nobody is ugly, we all have our own beauty. Sometimes it is bruied deep within our hearts and sometimes it is on the outside, but no one is ugly.

    Why do you feel the need to insult yourself?
    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    May 17, 2007, 03:32 PM
    [QUOTE=J_9]Honey, you aren't ugly. Nobody is ugly, we all have our own beauty. Sometimes it is bruied deep within our hearts and sometimes it is on the outside, but no one is ugly.

    Why do you feel the need to insult yourself?[/QUOTE
    Very very low self esteem
    rankrank55's Avatar
    rankrank55 Posts: 1,259, Reputation: 177
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    #4

    May 17, 2007, 03:34 PM
    J9 is right... everyone is beautiful in some way or the other. You have to learn to love yourself, people around you can see if you love yourself and this makes a huge impact on the way people will perceive you. My mother always told me when I was having a "feelin ugly day" to just smile and no one will notice. Do you ever think of how ugly someone is when they smile... NO! Love yourself, your worth it! Who cares what other people think! :o
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #5

    May 17, 2007, 03:36 PM
    That happens with many of us during our teens.

    Can you tell me some good things about you? Do you get good grades? Are you kind to others?

    Our teen years are full of problems that lower our self esteem, we need to seek out the positive and focus on that.

    I'll help you if you like.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    May 17, 2007, 03:39 PM
    So often other teens can be mean, many enjoy hurting others, and attacking the self respect of others.

    You can see my photo, OK, maybe not a number 10 on most standards, I was in a accident, I have a disfigured eye, scars all over my forehead and arm and limp ( and sort of fat) but you know when I look at myself in the mirror, I think stud, I like my hair short almost shaved, I think in my mind I look better that way, honestly to others, maybe not,
    But it don't matter, I learned to be happy with who I am, to learn to be myself and to love being just who ai am, others can take me or leave me but it does not effect how I feel about myself

    If you feel bad about yourself, talk with your school couselor or pastor, they may have some ideas and ways that may help you.
    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    May 17, 2007, 03:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9
    That happens with many of us during our teens.

    Can you tell me some good things about you? Do you get good grades? Are you kind to others?

    Our teen years are full of problems that lower our self esteem, we need to seek out the positive and focus on that.

    I'll help you if you like.
    *I* can't tell you, but, based on what other people say... I don't know, good grades, "too" nice to people... creative...

    I don't know how to focus on that. I have so many problems from my past and at this point that it is hard to feel confident in myself and with the world.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #8

    May 17, 2007, 03:43 PM
    Sweetie, what kind of problems? Would you care to share?

    Tell me what makes you feel good? Does it make you feel good to get dressed up and look pretty?

    Does it make you feel good to get an A in class?

    Let's talk about what makes Meecy feel good. What makes Meecy happy?
    alkaline's Avatar
    alkaline Posts: 61, Reputation: 20
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    #9

    May 17, 2007, 03:47 PM
    :-(

    Reading your question just made me so sad. I'm so sorry you feel like that.

    I hate so much that we live in a world where we make people feel that way about themselves. It makes me so angry. No one should feel ugly or feel devalued.

    You aren't ugly. You just feel bad about yourself, either because of other people, comparing yourself to people, or something along those lines. When you feel bad about life, or if you like someone that doesn't like you back, it can make you feel ugly, but it doesn't make that true.

    I know how hard it can be to make yourself "feel" beautiful, but when you feel that inside it will shine through on the outside.

    If this is because of a boy, or the lack of a boy (which I know can hurt a lot), you need to remember that that is just one person. There are a lot of people out there that will be attracted to you and think you are beautiful. But the most important thing of all is that YOU know that you are!

    Here is a little story of something that happened to me the other day:

    I was at a jewelry store looking at engagement rings with my boyfriend. The woman that came to help us was very nice, but we both noticed immediately that she had a heavy 5 o clock shadow. My first instinct was to feel bad for this lady because it was obvious she had to shave every day. So I made sure I looked in her eyes so I wouldn't make her feel bad. Well, for one thing, she had the prettiest green eyes I have ever seen in person. She did have a pretty face, and I noticed it when I wasn't looking at the hair. What's more, is that she was very happy and confident. If she had low self esteem you wouldn't have known it by how she acted. After she asked how my boyfriend and I met, she told us about her relationship with her husband and how they met. It sounded like she had a wonderful marriage with a man that loved her very much, and yes, thought she was beautiful.

    None of us are perfect, there are always things that we'll see in the mirror that we wish were a little different. But other people don't see those same things when they look at us! It's true! I had an ex that HATED his nose because he thought he looked like a pig, but I loved his nose and thought it was adorable!

    Please don't think you are ugly. You shouldn't put yourself down that way because it isn't true.

    The next time you look in the mirror, I want you smile. Everyone looks better when they are happy, and I really want you to be!

    Good luck!
    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    May 17, 2007, 03:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9
    Sweetie, what kind of problems? Would you care to share?

    Tell me what makes you feel good? Does it make you feel good to get dressed up and look pretty?

    Does it make you feel good to get an A in class?

    Let's talk about what makes Meecy feel good. What makes Meecy happy?
    Being with the people whom I'm close to, and who have gone through similar things that I have. No one understands better than them. Hum... or her, I should say. This person really is the only one who's able to understand fully. But I can't even talk to her at times.

    The problems now are the constant unhappiness that is disguised as plastic happiness, and the struggle to hold back my urges that crawl back up from the past.

    (It's depression; my past)

    I am not strong enough to do all that, AND feel good about myself.

    I never feel pretty so no, not really. I feel OK when I get an A. Helping people makes me happy. Music and writing make me happy. In different ways...
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #11

    May 17, 2007, 03:54 PM
    You say you are creative, and you say writing makes you happy. Have you ever considered writing a children's book? When I was, oh about 13, I had the worst self esteem in the world, I lived in my bedroom, never came out. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. That was what made me happy.

    You say your past depresses you, there is NOTHING in this world that we cannot overcome. Sometimes we need a little push, sometimes we just need a friend, yet others we may need professional help. I doubt you are at the professional help stage yet.

    You will find that there are many here who are willing to talk and to spend time with you. But you have to be open, if you feel comfortable, and let us know what you are thinking and feeling.

    We spend our time here, for free, to help people with their problems, we are here for you too.
    AbuBakr_Fin's Avatar
    AbuBakr_Fin Posts: 216, Reputation: 3
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    #12

    Mar 6, 2011, 09:16 AM
    Peace.
    What I told my daughter just a few days ago, when she was asking me if she was ugly is that first of all she isn`t ugly at all (and usually girls have this kids of absessions with no reason, I think), and second of all she didn`t create herself, so to think that you are ugly is like saying that your Creator has made you in a bad form and you are ingratefull. We believe in God, and being gratefull to Him, so this helped her. I also told her to come and look in the mirror, and as we are muslims I taught her a Prophetic prayer that means: "Oh God, as you`ve created me perfectly, then perfect my behviour too."
    I don`t know if this helps, or not. People are offended sometimes because I am muslim, so my life is worship, and my advice is religious. I`m not trying to convert you. God guides who He wills. This is just what I told my daughter, and you could have been born as my daughter as well.
    A good way to approach the issue might be asking yourself where is it based that you have this low self-esteem (maybe you have been wronged but you didn`t acknowledge it yet), or is it just natural shyness (which is good, but you can learn to approach life by it in other perspectives than merely a quest for a beautiful face - because a beautiful nature, heart, and deeds make a person even more respectfull and appealing, and fulfilling your spirits deeper needs will onöy make you truly satisfied). You can think about how your values in life have been formed and if they are correct or maybe they aren`t. The human mind is a complex structure.
    Another thing is, think how many bautiful people have lived, become old, and died before us. And where are they now? What is important in life that you want to pursue, and in which criteria?

    I absolutely agree. Thank you. In Finland we have a saying, which I don`t know if it exists in the english, but it goes something like: "Beauty is in the eyes of the viewer". So a person, who thinks you`re not beautiful, then it`s not a fact, but a personal problem of that person. And when you love someone, you see their beauty, even if you`re the only one who does.

    Hmm... This may be a will guess, but could it be that from this deppressive past you could trace a reason for some bad thing that you think resulted from you being pretty, or trying to be? Maybe it prevents you subconciously from actually wanting to feel pretty, but still you`d want to be.

    I don`t know if you understand some psychology, but that`s not as crazy as it sounds. When a person falls down too many times, they may not want to get up, because they`ll be even more sad if they fall down again, even when they`d want to try. It`s interesting that you said `plastic`. If you refer that to my answer and about perspectives and the means of pursuit of your inner needs, then you might relate to it. In my opinion, external (plastic barbie-doll) beauty that the societies money-makers try to propagate, doesn`t answer to the natural inclination of man with full achievement, even though it makes it appear as if it did (in TV and so on).
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #13

    Mar 6, 2011, 12:29 PM

    Three year old thread closed.

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