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    rsusan891's Avatar
    rsusan891 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 10, 2017, 12:37 PM
    How should I talk to my boyfriend about being open regarding texting other girls?
    My boyfriend Paul and I have been dating for a year and a half now and have been working on our communication lately. The other day, I saw that there were texts on his phone with girl who he used to have a thing with a few years ago. Now I'm not concerned with whether he is interested in her because I trust him and believe he's committed to our relationship/loves and respects me. Ive heard from close friends that she is currently looking for people to hook up with and Im concerned she's coming onto him (she texted him out of nowhere; Im fairly sure they haven't texted in a year or two).

    I have no interest in reading their texts I just wish he would have let me know that they had talked. Not sure who first initiated the conversation or any idea of what was said (I didn't read any texts just glanced and saw the name of the girl on messages). My boyfriend has admitted to being oblivious with girls he thought were just friendly in the past but then realized they were looking to cause trouble after other people pointed it out to him.

    The only thing that concerned me was he asked me to text his friend off his phone but then quickly said he'd do it and didn't let me even though he was busy at the time (I often text people for him if he's busy; I thought this might be because he didn't want me to see the texts to the girl in his recent texts).

    I want it to be clear to him that while I trust his relationships with others I would feel better if he simply told me when an old crush texted him so we don't feel it's a secret. How can I bring this up to him in a non accusatory way?

    Also forgot to add, I'm a 19 yo female and he's a 19 yo male.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
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    #2

    Jan 10, 2017, 12:45 PM
    You trust him ... but you don't trust him.

    There's no way to bring up "in a non-accusatory way" that you don't trust him.
    rsusan891's Avatar
    rsusan891 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 10, 2017, 12:50 PM
    To clarify, I don't want to know anything about his conversations - I trust that he can decide whether to talk to other girls. I just don't think he knows I saw she contacted him and don't want him to feel it has to be secretive, potentially leading to issues in the future. I just wish he'd tell me "Oh, so-and-so texted me the other day". Is it appropriate to ask that of him or should I leave it be?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
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    #4

    Jan 10, 2017, 01:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rsusan891 View Post
    To clarify, I don't want to know anything about his conversations - I trust that he can decide whether to talk to other girls. I just don't think he knows I saw she contacted him and don't want him to feel it has to be secretive, potentially leading to issues in the future. I just wish he'd tell me "Oh, so-and-so texted me the other day". Is it appropriate to ask that of him or should I leave it be?
    I say, leave it be. If you really trust him, no worries.

    don't want him to feel it has to be secretive, potentially leading to issues in the future
    If you trust him, there won't be "issues in the future."
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Jan 10, 2017, 01:30 PM
    You know him better than we do so how would he take you mentioning you glanced at his phone and saw it was his ex texting him?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,790, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #6

    Jan 10, 2017, 01:42 PM
    You either trust him or you don't. This obviously bothers you. I would talk about it. Get it in the open and deal with it or you will be stewing in doubt and that will lead to trouble.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #7

    Jan 10, 2017, 05:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rsusan891 View Post
    My boyfriend Paul and I have been dating for a year and a half now and have been working on our communication lately. The other day, I saw that there were texts on his phone with girl who he used to have a thing with a few years ago. Now I'm not concerned with whether he is interested in her because I trust him and believe he's committed to our relationship/loves and respects me. Ive heard from close friends that she is currently looking for people to hook up with and Im concerned she's coming onto him (she texted him out of nowhere; Im fairly sure they haven't texted in a year or two).

    I have no interest in reading their texts I just wish he would have let me know that they had talked. Not sure who first initiated the conversation or any idea of what was said (I didn't read any texts just glanced and saw the name of the girl on messages). My boyfriend has admitted to being oblivious with girls he thought were just friendly in the past but then realized they were looking to cause trouble after other people pointed it out to him.

    The only thing that concerned me was he asked me to text his friend off his phone but then quickly said he'd do it and didn't let me even though he was busy at the time (I often text people for him if he's busy; I thought this might be because he didn't want me to see the texts to the girl in his recent texts).

    I want it to be clear to him that while I trust his relationships with others I would feel better if he simply told me when an old crush texted him so we don't feel it's a secret. How can I bring this up to him in a non accusatory way?

    Also forgot to add, I'm a 19 yo female and he's a 19 yo male.
    It is his choice to tell you who he is texting and who is texting you. You trust him.

    So... trust him. This does NOT need to be brought up at all.

    You're insecure in him and whether he is as committed as you are. We can't say why he is hiding anything or what he is hiding if anything. I wouldn't worry about it. Remember this, he is committed to you, he chose you over this crush. Got it? You're the chosen one.

    He has no obligation to tell you that an old crush is texting him.

    Don't snoop. If he wants to share he will.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #8

    Jan 11, 2017, 04:54 PM
    I would just casually mention it, "hey honey, I saw that your ex texted you the other day, what did she want?"

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