How to let down a friend easy..?. but easy as in... she gets the message...
I know... it's my fault for not being frank and just saying," I DON'T WANNA HELP YOU...." But I can't say no.. and like, I don't want her to be mad at me... I hate people like this the most, people who have to consideration for the other person's time, schedule, or how they feel. But I also hate people who say yes to everything and complain about it later on... yeah, that's me D:

me: my phone has no battery now. When you call, don't think that I'm ignoring you.

her: lol OK but I still need help with the essay
message me when your on no matter what time letz do one everyday when your busy
I typed it n itz only one page n 2 lines on the second page

me: sorry, I got a fever yesterday and slept when I got home ><
I'm sorry, but can you ask someone else to help you on your essay? After I go out everyday, I come back late and with being sick and all that, I barely have enough time for my homework, let alone yours. Please don't take it to heart or question me. I know you can do it. You're really smart

her: hope u feel better n I don't think anyone else can help me

me: thank you
but, why do you think that no one else can help you?
^there are several people who can.. [jia you]

her: lol because those people don't know how to write commentary
please... one for each day so wed thur fri sat

me:.. please ask someone else, please...
don't take it personally

her: can u help me revise it them

me:... if I have time.. there may be times when I don't go on Facebook or I can't pick up my phone...
but if that's the case, just message me so when I'm on, I can reply it

her:i need help wif the conclusion

* What should I do guys? I know she's smart, she just needs to try. Before, I asked her,"Why don't you ask your teacher? (We both have different teachers... therefore, we were both given different essay prompts... but we both read Lord of the Flies [the essay topic])
And she said she's too 'scared'... I know guys, I'm not a nice friend by ranting on and on about this... but like, whatever I do or say, she puts herself first without consideration to how I feel. I really was sick. I really do have my own essay to finish. I barely had fun this winter break because I was worrying about this entire situation. Last semester, I helped her on her previous essay for consecutive hours which ended at 11:00 PM. Though I guess it couldn't be considered helping since I mostly just told her what to write.

If you guys have any solutions, please think about this. Imagine yourself in my shoes. You have a friend (idk if she could still be considered a friend after all this) who you don't want mad at you just for not helping her on her essay. But if you do, you end up frustrated and disappointed in yourself for stressing yourself out... and all that... ughhh... why do I feel this way? I feel I don't know... like I'm being used? :'( please help?

I've spent days thinking about this (no life :P)... I know when people take advantage of me... but it seems like my body and mind won't do anything about it... and I hate it. Help? Por favor? Onegai? Qing? Please? OTL


ps. Just my thoughts... what do you guys think? Am I being too paranoid? Is this a normal thing to happen? Or... is she not being a good friend? D:

Just say something like Today I woul like to do my own thing thank you...
I suppose you need to ask her if she is telling the truth otherwise she will never beable to do stuff for herself. My friends always used to act like that but when I told her she started doing stuff for herself. Hope this helps. >email address removed as per site rules<

So let's see if I understand this correctly... she wants you to basically do her homework for her? Have you ever considered just saying "no"? It's her homework. Homework is to help someone learn and to show what they have learned. It's not so her teacher can see what you have learned.
Tell her you don't feel comfortable doing her work for her. If she can't deal with that, then so what?

I'm with odinn7. It's HER homework, not yours. Just say no -- no apologies, not explanations, no dithering.

I think you need to just tell her (in person, not by text or email or whatever): "I've tried a lot of different ways to express this to you and you're not getting it, so let me be very clear: I'm not going to do your homework. I'm not going to help you with your homework. You need to go to the teacher. I am busy with my own job, homework, chores and other stuff I have to do and I don't have time to take on your stuff, too. I'm sorry it embarasses you to go to the teacher but you are going to have to get over it and do exactly that, or you're going to have to spend more time and figure it out on your own. It doesn't come easier to me - I work harder at it, and I do ask the teacher for help and I do spend more time when I have to. I don't hace time to also do these things for you."

Sometimes you just have to be very, very direct and not worry about hurting the person's feelings if your intention is simply to stand up for yourself. She is creating this high-pressure situation and trying to guilt you into doing her work, so if she gets a sharp response it is of her own making and is the natural consequence of her own behavior.

I had a lot of experience with my former sister in law trying to always and relentlessly get me to do her bidding and endlessly cater to her demands. It was so frustrating because I didn't want the rest of the family to think I was nasty. After a while of trying to be considerate of her feelings, I determined that she NEEDED to be put in her place and to see very clearly how rude she was being. I will never forget giving her a gift she didn't want - she asked me to return it and get something else for her that was way more expensive. I said, "you can return the gift to me and I will keep it, or you can accept it and do with it whatever you like - not my problem. That's my gift for this occassion and there won't be another." Another time she crabbed about the meal I served when she visited - I cleared her plate and gave her directions to the corner restaurant, then sat down and finished my meal with the rest of my guests. This was after YEARS of willfully obnoxious behavior on her part. Had I been more clear in the beginning though, perhaps it wouldn't have gotten to that point... well, it would have because she was an idiot, but maybe she wouldn't have been invited to dinner at my house if I had more of a backbone!

Stand up for yourself!

@ownerofabadmind: thank you for your reply :) I actually did say no, before winter break when she asked me. I said,"No, it's too much work. I have my own essay to do also." But afterwards, she still kept asking. She actually said that she would treat my to DiPilla's (this delicious but expensive italian restaurant on the corner of my middle school). But of course I can't be bribed or bought, right? Even so, I still declined. But nothing could be done.

@odinn7 & Wondergirl: I know it's my fault, but thank you guys for your replies :) Let's see... where to start. She's the type of girl to take the easy way out. For example, in Chinese class, we were supposed to draw our family and label them.. in Chinese of course. She asked me to draw the family for her since she couldn't draw well. But. It doesn't matter if it's pretty or not... as long as you do it, you'll still get full credit (why is it that no one can understand this concept?). I refused after like 3 times. As a result the next day, she asked some one else to do it for her. You guys are right. It's HER homework, not mine. She should do it herself. After a few day of winter break spent making excuses... I told her (like above) to ask someone else. So I just revised. It's still kind of stupid for me to do so, isn't it? Hopefully there won't be a next time.

@dontknownuthin: Gosh... you had it worse than me... and for several years! I shouldn't be complaining, sorry. Thank you for your reply :) What an inspiration. *Hands down good job for standing up. No matter what I do, I always have a fear of being hated by friends. Stupid huh? I'm like sawako from Kimi ni Todoke :P but she's more cool. But I will keep the messages I received (including yours) today in mind in case I ever come across the same frustrating situation again.

I've noticed that I've been doing this for years. Unable to say no to certain people to matter how I know I'm being used and stuff. But, Liz, you've got to gather enough courage! JIA YOU! Thanks everyone, thanks dontknownuthin.