I have had a lot of problems in my life. Most of them are just with myself. I don't know who I am at all. I'm having so much trouble just living life. I could never commit suicide, however I think about it everyday. But I could just not do it to my mom and my family. I would never make them go through that. I don't have a lot of friends because I have no confidence and when I talk to people I'm not comfortable with I feel really awkward to the point where I just want to walk away. I have one best friend and we will be friends forever. He is so much better than me though, he has a lot of friends and all the girls. He has problems but he gets through them and always finds a way to be happy. I don't understand how we are so close but we just are. We see things the same way I guess. I always have so much on my mind and I just want to get it out but I have a hard time doing it. I'm fine when I'm alone, or with family. Then I don't let a lot of things bother me as much. But I think a lot and am always trying to self reflect. I just have a really messed up mind and have a hard time dealing with the simplest things. I drink a lot to cope with my problems and sometimes stupid drugs but I don't want to hear it about that because I have already looked for help on here. I just can't live this way. Sometimes I just think, I'm just going to see what happens in life, let's see where life takes me, but it scares me. I feel like I'm two different people sometimes. I can't handle the way I think about things. I want to let life take me wherever, I want to make a difference somehow, I want to live a good life, but I have no motivation at all and I am just so lazy. I know teen years are hard, but there is definitely something wrong with me. I've tried so many different things to get my mind of stuff. I am real into UFC fighting and I even joined a gym to learn how to fight, but I stopped because of the stress of school and money. I try to play my guitar, I try anything. Nothing ever works for me. I have seen a therapist before because of depression, but it really didn't help. I just want to live life and have a good time. I thank anyone for taking the time to read this. I've been wanting to get this out for a long time.

Hi, jswear28!

Okay, one thing at a time here...

What do you mean by seeing a therapist and it not really helping, please?

Thanks!

Hi jswear, I was wondering would you be willing to go and see a different therapst or psychologist, please don't think that since seeing one and it didn't work so they all won't work, there are many different methods of therapy and each therapist has their own style, sort of, ou just need to find one that works for you. :)

I was just feeling really down all the time. I remember I couldn't even go to school for a couple days. I just felt that I was doing all the talking and even though it kind of helped getting it out, it didn't help as much as I needed it to help. I just don't know if I feel comfortable talking to a therapist. Or I really don't know why at all. Maybe it's because there is just soooo much on my mind that I wouldn't know what to say or where to start or how to say it. I'm not as depressed as I was before, I can go to school. But when I wake up I'm still not ready to take on the day. Maybe that's why I love sleeping so much. I'm just so relaxed and don't have any worries except for when I can't get something off my mind. I just want someone to know how my mind works and what is happening to me. I cannot explain it to anyone. My moods change a lot. It's just so weird. I would feel like a psycho if I had to go to therapy for something that I don't even know what it is. I know I can't control it but there has to be ways to deal with it. Sometimes I feel so hopeless, and other times I feel like I have hope. All the time I just don't know how I feel. It's so frustrating. People just see me as a quiet, un-social, boring person. They don't know what is going through my mind. I want to change.

I understand where you're coming from completely! I used to be, and still am, that way... Though, I am a little more social, but I get you. First of all, I suggest you try to find the reason of you being so awkward and shy, maybe you can brush up on your social skills or ask your best friend for help... Also, with your therapist, can't you ask for a therapist who is receptive? I have a therapist like that now who really just makes me talk and talk, it doesn't help me either. Not all shrinks are the same... Maybe you're clinically depressed and you can take pills? I don't know how you feel about pill taking for depression, but maybe a psychiatrist is needed.