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    DevonnaR's Avatar
    DevonnaR Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 23, 2017, 02:23 PM
    I feel stuck
    I'm 19 and finished my first year of college; I just really don't know the meaning of life anymore. I'm super disappointed in myself; although I had a high GPA this year, I feel I didn't learn anything and wasted my year smoking weed everyday and nearly got myself kicked out of college for that. Additionally, I feel all the choices I made leading up to going to school were wrong; the college I chose to attend was absolutely awful, I quit learning how to drive 6 weeks before school to get a job, something I kind of regret now. During high school my home life was extremely unstable, especially during my junior and senior year. My mom lost her job at the beginning of 11th grade and shortly afterward my dad had to move in with us because he had a nervous breakdown(my parents have been divorced for 10 years) Unfortunately neither one of my parents had a car so I didn't learn how to drive during this time. In addition to this, I knew there was no money for my college education so I worked my off to make nearly straight As and was extensively involved in extracurricular activities in hopes of getting a scholarship. Things progressively got worse; during the summer before my senior year, my mom's unemployment benefits ran out and we could no longer afford our apartment,forcing us to move into a room in my mom's best friend's house. That was a hard year. Sorry for so much background.

    Although I was dealing with enormous stress and anxiety; I at least felt like I was doing the right thing and my efforts were paying off when I got a partial scholarship to college. Now, I just feel like I've ruined everything and I should've done more by now; I'm 19, already 15k in debt, unemployed( did have a job at school), a nervous wreck, and no license.I've tried to get closer to God ( it's helps somewhat) but I'm honestly not sure of anything anymore. I'm trying to learn how to drive but the only person who can teach me is my mom who works from 1pm-11pm everyday. I feel like a bum because I don't have a job and Im not being productive. Because of all the issues I was dealing with in high school,I was too ashamed of my situation to get close to people, I often feel lonely and don't have anyone to hang out with locally.I just wonder if I'm ever going to get where I want to be. I feel like I should be doing something but at 19, there isn't much I can do. I feel pretty pathetic and helpless these days. I want to think positively but I hate being dissapointed. I just feel I'm slowly become exactly who I despise and the uncertainty of everything is making it really hard for me to have peace of mind.

    Has anyone else been thorough something similar; my family never seems to understand my point of view; maybe I'm crazy, I'll let y'all decide that for yourselves though.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,244, Reputation: 5430
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Jul 23, 2017, 02:38 PM
    We're here for you! There are some helpful members who will offer good ideas. Hold on to our coattails!

    First, let's list in reasonable order what you want to do. #1 Driver's license? #2 Job? #3 ???

    ADDED: Agree with tal. The pot smoking has to end.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,318, Reputation: 10854

    Jul 23, 2017, 03:05 PM
    No you're not crazy, just going through some crazy times, and I don't think the weed helps that, so start with dropping that habit. Some of the things that are stressful and distracting are beyond your control, like what your parents are dealing with. I suppose it's easier to smoke a joint than deal with THEIR problems, but you have to let that go and focus on what you CAN control. Start with your grades and forget the driving and even a job, AND DEBT, until you get in the groove of school. I know it would be really cool if ALL your challenges and concerns were easy to figure out but why pile more stress on yourself?

    Make those grades and good behavior and orderly direction as a student the priority, and be patient with yourself. The rest works itself out in time, trust me, and it will come to you as you get through those GROWING pains. It would also help to have a mentor, maybe a teacher or a successful adult and a good friend who is a good listener and has GOOD habits about school, behavior and life in general. Everybody needs a friend sometimes.

    Maybe you are crazy on second thought but what 19 year old isn't? Keep working at it though, and eventually you will do better, and get better. Bad as it seems to your young inexperienced mind, you can make good changes, and find that peace of mind that hard work, and focus on the right things like good behavior and attitude so get busy working on a better you. No EXCUSES, just get to it and no whining about what someone can't give you.

    The best feeling in the world is what you work for and earn yourself, so just get busy youngster and bear down on those grades. FOCUS on what's important NOW! Heck you can't afford a car yet anyway. At least good grades gets you a good job, and you can get a car, AND pay those school debts. That's how life works and let's be real, you have a lot of life in front of you, and can leave the kid stuff behind you... ONE DAY AT A TIME.

    Don't waste your time worrying about the stuff you cannot control.

    Life is a cinch if you take it by the inch, and hard if you try to take it by the yard. Get it?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member

    Jul 23, 2017, 05:10 PM
    Avoid the pot... or any peer pressure to use ANY drug, and that includes alcohol. College is rough enough without things that will be counter productive to everything you need to do to get ahead. You've gotten through the first year. You are a quarter of the way to the finish line. Life is what you make it. Develop the right habits now... and they will serve you well in the near future and the long term as well.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Jul 24, 2017, 05:11 AM
    My sister (years ago) was in the midst of a divorce when their two sons weren't finished with their last years in a private school that has a lot of students who go on to the Olympics in winter sports. All the issues revolved around money, I think. My nephews both joined the Marines, did well, and went on to good lines of work that drew on their knowledge of mechanics, and both are very smart. It wasn't all smooth sailing, of course (one got into meth for a while), but they are now happy with their jobs and families of their own.

    I. on the other hand, was a wreck at your age. I dropped out of academia 3 times (in the 60s), even with scholarships, and rambled through the next 50 years at odd jobs and failed relationships. I did grow into skills at bookkeeping for the building trades.

    I can tell countless stories of family and friends. We each carve our path and our path does some carving of us. Good luck. One thing I will suggest is to not take a dime from your mother or live with her and her friend, but I have a feeling you don't anyway. You might feel better about taking a year off from school?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
    Uber Member

    Jul 24, 2017, 05:58 PM
    Congratulations on the partial scholarship! That is a fantastic accomplishment to be proud of.

    Many feel stuck now and then, so you're not alone. As others have said, and as you obviously already know, break up with the weed. Since you have found some peace of mind and comfort in getting to know God, continue down that path. Your school might have some supportive groups, or check out some local churches. Many have groups for college students.

    The idea of making lists can be helpful. What can you change that you feel will move you forward in the right direction? Write them down. Might be stop the weed, make some contacts and friends who will help you with positive life changes, get back on track with schooling, maybe a part time job if it won't be too much, or volunteering... which can be tremendously helpful in taking your focus off yourself and onto helping others. In turn, that can ultimately help you feel better about yourself, and you never know, it might open you to new career paths.

    High school is behind you. You can't go back or change it, but you can choose not to dwell there anymore. Work on and live in your present. Make the changes that will bring you to a better place and peace of mind.

    You are obviously smart and hard working... you can make your life what you would like it to be, a step at a time.

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