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    xxcantdealxx's Avatar
    xxcantdealxx Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 5, 2008, 02:25 AM
    I Fail Life
    I just cannot deal with life anymore. Everything has gotton complicated and I just can't seem to do things properly and get things right for once in my life. Okay well I don't even know where to start.. . Lets see, okay well for starters I always seem to screw things up for example the only I guy I ever really loved is barley even talking to me. Its my own fault though, I mean he just cared way too much about me, and I had to go and screw everything up when we were so perfect together and I just couldn't leve the stupid ing weed alone and I just couldn't quit smoking . Nope. And then of course just because of that he and I get into a fight and before you know it its all over. But me and my 'self-medicating' ways of course I have to try and make myself 'feel' better. So I go and do acid and mdma and then to top it all off a bunch of e, hmmm yumm. Anyway its totally my fault and I don't know life is getting in the way of everything and I've been running from my feeling with the help of drugs for too long. Idk and one of my closest friends is totally being overly-distant. Like she is not being herslf and I don't know every time I try to talk about any issue of hers or mine like if I try to talk about a guy or family or w.e the I'm trying to talk about she gets all pissed off and starts ignoring me and the conversation or changes the subjuct or w.e. I don't really even know who she is anymore. Im thinking about sobering up for a couple months to sort things out a bit and maybe start talking to my ex again and see if a could get another chance. He still loves me and cares about me he just doesn't know how to deal with the drugs. He can't stand by and watch a person he cares about so much to go through that. Idk hah and one of my dealers owes mr $140. But I'm never going to see that money and I know it. But I really don't care right now. Tomorrow I'm going to go see that new movie Kungfu Panda, you know the one with jack balck. You well I'm going to see that and do some e ad some acid and definitely balze. w.e I don't know what to do about my life though, I mean what I've put is hardley a fraction of what I deal with on a daily basis and a fraction of a fraction of how much stress I have to deal with. Can someone please help me? With any of it?
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #2

    Jul 5, 2008, 03:17 AM
    Sure! I can help you! You are complaining because your boyfriend couldn't deal with you using drugs! Yet, you are going to see a kids movie, on ecstacy and acid! Good move! Your boyfriend made a good life decision, and he won't sit back and watch you destroy your brain and you are still sitting blaming everything on your "life!!" Life happens, and it depends on what you do with it. You control your life, your life doesn't control you! STOP TAKING THE DRUGS,. and a "life" may follow!
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #3

    Jul 5, 2008, 04:26 AM
    Starbuck is right.
    You love the feeling and don't really care how people react or what they think when you are under the influence. So, what is happening is all on you - your choice.
    If you keep this up, the only other choice you'll have is to cope with loneliness, more drugs, winding up on the street or on a slab in the morgue.

    Fact is you are not facing up to your past, present or future and are scared. Guess what, we all are scared of what might happen life is rough and sucks sometimes, but it does not stop us from taking reality, coping with it, and trying to make something better of ourselves. So how about giving reality a try. You are not the only on who has had stress, pain and frustration in life - and in a way we all look for an escape.

    So, get off the pity-pot and do something constructive with yourself and maybe your friends will come around again.

    It's your choice, so make it now before it's too late to save what's left of your brain, let alone your self-respect.

    You can always see a doctor and get help... but that would mean that you'd have to spend some time being straight.

    Fight back -fight what made you need a crutch instead of fighting yourself and trying to kill yourself before giving yourself a chance to really live.

    You did not mean to say you failed life, but that life failed you - well do something about it - fight for your right to be here!
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #4

    Jul 5, 2008, 04:30 AM
    You need to get all the drugs out and get into seeing a counselor asap. Like the above answer has said life happens and it is up to each individual how they deal with it. You can not have any relationships that are worth while until you sober up completely. There are programs out there that help with addictions and there are emotions and feelings your trying to hide from but your only making it harder for yourself dealing with them the wrong way. Everybody makes bad choices and everybody makes mistakes. You need to understand no one is different from you. We are all the same, it is a matter of reaching out for help which you have done here, but a lot of the changes your seeking you need to make the decision for yourself to make that change and learn from your mistakes and also be able to recognize that it is okay to have this experience but it is a matter of facing up to it and dealing with it and getting your head clear of all these influences in your life and facing up to what your hiding from and dealing with things for real and learning how to focus your life and future on better things.

    Best wishes and the change starts within yourself. First step is asking for help. Now seek out the counsel and groups you need to get into for the support that you need to walk in a brighter path.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #5

    Jul 5, 2008, 05:21 AM
    Yep you are crying about losing somebody that cares then you SWITCH to how you are going to do e and acid. You say you want to quit for 2 months to work on the relationship
    But why 2 months to win him back only to go back to it and lose him again??

    Sounds like he has goals and you live day to day. You have to work together in a relationship. How are you going to support his dreams when you hold him back? He has to think what is best for his future.
    You need to have long term goals and dreams for a good future. As long as you live day to day, (I'll do it in the future, but for now... )you will not get anywhere. Also what you do now can have long term problems in the future. In other words, in 10-20 years from now you could be suffering repercussions (health, financial, circumstances,. ) for the decisions you make today
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #6

    Jul 5, 2008, 06:32 AM
    "Why can't I stop from hurting myself? I seem to get hurt alot, and I feel sad about it. Oh, and I jump off the garage for fun. That doesn't have anything to do with it, does it? My friends won't hang around me because I jump off the garage. I know it's dumb, but the rush is AWESOME...I don't know what to do. Well, I'm off to jump off the garage a few times. Any help will be appreciated."

    When you change your story like this, doesn't it sound ridiculous? But it's you. It's your life.

    If you want great guys, a great life, great success, adrenaline rushes NOT from drugs, then there is no shortcut. You stop the drugs 100% and get the help needed to stay stopped. No halfway.

    You're a druggie or you're an ex-druggie. If you're a druggie, your problem has no solution. Enjoy the drugs.

    When you're an EX-druggie, the world is yours to manage again, then we can talk.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #7

    Jul 5, 2008, 06:47 PM
    E, acid, pot, no life. Actually you do have a life a very sad one, one that will end soon, but enjoy it, while it lasts.

    Drugs are never the answer, they are a quick fix that only lasts for a while, they do not fix anything long term. So why do you do them?

    Your boyfriend wants something better, he wants a good life, he can't have that with you, because you are a junkie, a drug addict. As long as you do drugs, that's all you'll have, or relationships with other drug addicts looking to score or wanting someone to share the misery. That's not a life, that's death, and it will happen soon if you don't stop.

    Get help, go to rehab, stop this behavior, that's the only solution.

    As for Kung Fu panda on drugs, honey, if you showed up at the same theatre that I took my kids to, and you were high as a kite, I'd kick your a$$. Sorry, mad Alty moment. But really, grow up and get help, no one else can do it for you!
    Stuckinburbs's Avatar
    Stuckinburbs Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Jul 6, 2008, 01:02 PM
    We are not here to judge or lecture. To me you seem broken and drugs are a quick fix.
    Please get off the drugs they will only confuse your judgement. Then connect with someone you admire or someone to give you strength who doesn't want anything in return. You have your whole life ahead of you(I know--blah blah) I am not really a religious person- but if you are on your knees in prayer you may get a better perspective on stuff. Good luck to you:)
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #9

    Jul 6, 2008, 01:33 PM
    Honey, you probably think that the advice we give comes easy because we 'never' had your problems. That could be true, but we've had our own problems, just like everyone else.

    I can fathom a little bit of where you are because I am an alcoholic - dry for over 20 years now, but nevertheless an addict. And now that I have physical illnesses to include cancer, I have to take some awesome medication - and still have to watch and make sure that I don't take more than I should because they do change the way I feel and function, so I have to be very careful.

    We all are aware of current issues that can scare, frustrate, and give one a feeling of total helplessness, i.e:
    -Peer pressure in school, mobbed at the workplace, laughed at by ignorant others with the same fears.
    -Abuse from family members and/or 'supposed' friends, probably even been raped.
    -Not being respected and treated right by those we love
    -Being alone and sometimes willing to do anything to be with somebody - whether they are good for us or not.
    -Going along with the wrong crowd just to feel part of something.
    -Not knowing what the future holds financially, politically, emotionally - just a general feeling that life sucks and will not change, no matter what you do, so you 'anesthesize' yourself to lessen the pain.


    I'm sure that the rest of the posters here can add to the list, but there is help - all you have to do is look in the right place, make better choices and try to make the best you can of your life and future.

    As has been said, we don't judge - we know what it's like, really, so here we are - letting you know that you are not alone and that there still is a chance for you... it's your move now.

    If you were a mother, ask yourself what you would want for them and what you would be willing to do to help them find a better way to cope with this uneasy world today - because things are changing for the worse and we all have to learn how to cope and be strong enough not to let it turn us into worthless zombies. ****We have to care for and respect ourselves enough to fight the inner fears and then tackle the outer fears with strength, and don't be too 'proud' to ask for help from those who have taken steps to do just that.

    Again, good luck, and find the help you need and deserve as soon as possible.


    My spellchecker does not work right now, but I hope I didn't make too many errors and that you understand..
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692
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    #10

    Jul 6, 2008, 02:12 PM
    Each of us makes our choices, you have chose your drugs over your boyfriend You have chosen drugs over any real enjoyent in life, and you have chosen drugs over reality.

    Do we see a trend here ? Life is about the choices we make, and of course it is your fault but you do not wish to take responsibility.
    cheowk's Avatar
    cheowk Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jul 8, 2008, 09:19 AM
    You still got a chance to choose the right way. It might be hard, but you can do it :(
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #12

    Jul 8, 2008, 09:41 AM
    You know what folks, since this is the one and only post from this individual, I doubt if we will ever get a response or that the poster has even bothered to read any of our responses.

    Too bad that we take the time, energy, and caring to answer and try to help someone who obviously is either not interested, or maybe OD'd.

    This, unfortunately is happening to young people all over the world who feel hopeless and don't want to cope becaue they don't see anything getting better. Yes, there are those that want to take drugs and stay oblivious, but there are those who really seek a purpose in life - but don't seem to see any point with the way this world is changing.

    It makes me sad and mad at the same time.

    Those rich cocain sniffers who rule the world don't really give a darn about what they are doing to young impressionable people who feel they don't have a chance for a normal stable future with decent education or employment. All they care about is reducing subsistance and funds to give kids a chance to try and better their futures. OK, I'm off my soapbox now.. just wish there were more people who cared enough to do something about it.

    xxcantdealxx's Avatar
    xxcantdealxx Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Jul 21, 2008, 12:12 AM
    OK I do acctually read the responses and I've been sober for two weeks and haven't done e in three. I've been in osoyoos so I haven't had any computer access for the past two weeks :( sorry.. . But I just got back and thank you guys for all the responses they really do help, I've sarted talking to my ex again but I don't know if its ever really going to happen, it might though. My friend is back. . At least I think so, I'm not to sure because she a little bit drunk right now. Lol anyway I just 'recovered' from a sinus infection which I think was due to dirty bong water :S anyway thanks for all the support so far :)
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #14

    Jul 21, 2008, 01:36 AM
    I'm glad you came back. Have you gone back and read your original post? I mean really read it and thought it over, now that you say that you are sober for 2 weeks. I'm happy for you, I really am. But, if you are just planning on quitting for a few months and then think you can go back and handle it the next time, you are truly fooling yourself. It will be worse the next time around.

    I know you say this girl is your best friend, but best "friends" don't put their friends in a tempting situation! As you just said, and laughed about, your best friend is drunk right now. Not a good place for you to be if you are trying to get your life straight. It won't work that way girl. I get the funny feeling that you are drinking right along side of her, and that will only lead you back to where you started. Square One! You can't do the "one step forward and two steps back" dance!

    Osoyoos, BC. is a beautiful place! Get out into the outdoors and see what you've been missing in your drug induced haze. Leave the ectasy and the booze at home, and just walk around, and see what is out there! BC is beautiful this time of year! I live in Alberta, and would kill to be walking around in Osoyoos, checking out all of the beautiful beaches and the mountain view. Take a trip to Vernon, Penticton, or Peachland, and check out all of the fun summer stuff to do when you are sober. Meet some NEW people!

    I'm not saying that you shouldn't stay in touch with your old friends, but right now, if you are going to stay sober, you have to distance yourself so you don't fall back into the same old rut that you were in!

    If you don't go... hell send me a ticket and I'll go to the Peach Fest or the Kelowna Regatta!
    cuppagogo's Avatar
    cuppagogo Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Jul 21, 2008, 03:59 AM
    Yes, I agreed with Starbuck8.

    I used to deal with drugs too but not anymore. My "friends" who deal with drugs, when they want something from me then they come to me. They came to my place and sleep over, eat my grocery, ask me for money to get the drugs for both of us. I was so stupid, and I let him stay for long long time. Later I got into trouble...

    I moved away to one of my relative place. I left many of my belongings behind, to this new town with new people. Now, I have healthy friends... It's hard for me to get back to my feet, because I have criminal record. With my useless B.Sc in computer science, I am ashame to see my old classmate, my old co-workers, and I miss them a lot. I even too shame to date someone. I am afraid to let people find out about my past.

    Now, this is it for me, living in this small town, working in retails. Help as many people as possible. Overall, drugs ruin my life. :(
    smokedetector's Avatar
    smokedetector Posts: 368, Reputation: 56
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    #16

    Jul 21, 2008, 05:32 AM
    Is it ironic how you do drugs because of the stress in your life, and it turns into the drugs CAUSING all the stress in your life? I think maybe you had some problems, you know, average stresses that a lot of kids have, and then you took up drugs and made a HUGE problem for yourself. Now what was a big problem before suddenly isn't so big compared with what you face now. Drugs are ruining your life. If you don't do drugs, you don't lose boyfriends to drugs. You don't lose brain cells to drugs. You don't lose money to drugs. Do you see where I'm going with this?

    YOU are causing your own problems. While this at first would seem like a really sucky thing, the up side is that makes them easier to control and to stop. YOU control all this. YOU can take the stress that doing drugs causes you and throw it out the window. Then, you can deal with the smaller stresses that you decided to do drugs to get rid of. This really is a simple problem to fix, compared with what some people post here, and that is because it starts and ends with YOU. It's not contingent on some other person.

    I'm glad to hear you have begun on the journey to take control and responsibility of your life. I hope you keep on being sober. I really wish you the best of luck, and keep us updated.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #17

    Jul 21, 2008, 12:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by xxcantdealxx
    ok i do acctually read the responses and ive been sober for two weeks and havent done e in three. ive been in osoyoos so i havent had any computer access for the past two weeks :( sorry. . . but i just got back and thank you guys for all the responses they really do help,. ive sarted talking to my ex again but i dunno if its ever really going to happen, it might though. my friend is back . . at least i think so, im not to sure because she a little bit drunk right now. lol anyway i just 'recovered' from a sinus infection which i think was due to dirty bong water :S anyway thnx for all the support so far :)
    Glad you made it back. Now, do you feel like talking about why you started doing drugs and what you plan on doing with the rest of your future? It would be nice to know - but you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. It would however, be a good idea if you wrote these things down in a ledger for yourself with exactly that - so that you can understand yourself better. Concentrate on yourself more and less on your relationship or 'friends' right now - it would do you a lot of good to do some inner realization.

    Get back with us as often as you can dear, and each day you stay strong makes it a better day for you.

    xxcantdealxx's Avatar
    xxcantdealxx Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Jul 21, 2008, 10:08 PM
    Crap you guys :( :( :( I slipped up. I thought I was doing so good but then I waked and baked this morning and then I was high all day


    iim acctually still high, f****. :( :( :confused:
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #19

    Jul 21, 2008, 10:27 PM
    You didn't slip up, you didn't make a mistake, you didn't "backslide"... stop using cute little terms to make your behavior seem pitiful.

    You took a foreign poison and intentionally stuck it into your body... on purpose, because it has a side effect you enjoy for awhile.

    Good for you. Enjoy your poison bliss.

    What exactly do you want from a bunch of strangers on a computer screen? We already talk straight to you. I don't want to waste any new words on you so, here are my old ones:

    You're either a druggie or you're an ex-druggie. If you're a druggie, your problem has no solution. Enjoy the drugs.

    When you're an EX-druggie, the world is yours to manage again, then we can talk.


    So, since you're a druggie, we don't really have anything to talk about.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #20

    Jul 21, 2008, 10:32 PM
    I could've told you that lastnite when you wrote, but I didn't want to assume! You have to get out of the atmosphere and surroundings that you are in, or you will wake up like that tomorrow morning too!

    You have to start doing different things, and hanging out with different people in order to get your head straight, or you will be coming here every second day, saying that you screwed up!

    We really want to try and help you hun, but you have to help yourself too, and realise that you need to do something different with your life, for us to even begin.

    We are always here to listen, but please think about it. You are the only one that can control your surroundings and your decisions! It's all up to you right now. We can help you along the way and be there to support you, but we can't come and physically drag you out of the world that you're in right now.

    Do what you can to get away from the people you are with right now, because you know you will do it again. Call someone you know that isn't involved with drugs and alcohol, and doesn't want to party 24/7! Get out and do something else, no matter what it is, but get away from that crowd. If these so called friends will do it with you, they are going to do it to you, and they will eventually leave you behind in the dust. By that time you will be doing anything you can to make money for drugs.

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