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mary101 · Feb 13, 2010, 03:17 AM

I am 18 years old and engaged. Me and my fiancé have a 10 month old baby. The point is I can't trust him even around his guy friends. His friends in the past have tried hooking him up with other girls. I get really mad when he goes out with them even knowing all of his friends and I don't want to be like that I want to be able 2 trust him and be OK with it because he doesn't hang out with girls just guy friends as far as I know. Need advice on how to get to trust him.

redhed35 · Feb 13, 2010, 05:53 AM

Has he done anything for you not to trust him?

Is he considerate,does he help with the baby,does he show you love and respect?

You need to try and figure out if he has given no reason not to trust him,where the insecurity is coming from.

I wish · Feb 13, 2010, 07:09 AM

I'm guessing that you got engaged because you were pregnant? You're only 18 and you already have a child. He hasn't even begun exploring his life yet, forget settling down with responsibilities.

Unfortunately for you, because of your child, you have great responsibilities. It's time to draw some boundaries with him, otherwise he's just going to wonder out with his friends without any consequences. You need to put your child as the priority. So because of that, you need a healthy relationship with the father. If you can't have a healthy relationship, then it's better to go your separate ways for the sake of the child.

jaime90 · Feb 13, 2010, 12:01 PM

Trust is earned. You cannot MAKE yourself trust him, he needs to reassure you, and gain your trust. It's not up to you. Sit down and talk things over with him. Tell him that you don't trust him, and you'd like him to prove to you that he is able to be trusted. Next time he goes out, call him, ask him where he is, who he's with what he's doing, etc. As your fiancé, he needs to be telling you these things anyway, and it's unfortunate that you may have to draw the answers out of him.

If he throws a fit and isn't willing to change his ways in order to gain your trust, I suggest breaking off the engagement before you get hurt. Relationships without trust are hopeless. I'm wondering why you are engaged to him if you don't trust him in the first place. Clearly this isn't a new revelation.

Bonita-- · Feb 14, 2010, 05:15 AM

If his "friends" are trying to hook him up with other girls, then maybe he should consider whether he wants to remain friends with these guys. They obviously don't have respect for you.

I think you need to have a talk with him about his choice of friends. Explain to him that it's hard for you to trust him with them because of the fact that they tried to hook him up with other girls. I don't think it's fair to you that you have to feel this way, it's a hard situation to be in, and he shouldn't be putting you in that situation. I'm sure if it were the other way around he wouldn't like it.

As for trusting him, trust is something that has to be earned. I don't think he's earning it by hanging out with guys who try to make him cheat. Have a talk with him, tell him what you're feeling, and hopefully he's willing to make changes.

talaniman · Feb 14, 2010, 10:54 AM

This isn't about trust, but insecurity, as you think you will raise your child alone, and he will be with some one else.

Maybe you don't trust or like his friends or what they do, but in the end its up to him whether he acts like a young single guy with responsibilities, or one who has no responsibilities.

As long as he does what he is supposed to for now, you also have to go along with what young guys do.

Baby or not, you sure aren't going to make him do, or not do anything, but you can ASK for what you think is right for your child. Then if he doesn't step to the plate, you get the courts involved, which would probably be better in the first place.