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    kd13's Avatar
    kd13 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 15, 2013, 07:11 AM
    Can I be put into foster care?
    I am 13 years old and I would rather be in foster care then be here. My mother always calls me mean names and blames everything on me. She works till 9:30pm almost every night. Then when she gets home she yells at me for stuff. She is getting married soon to a guy I barely know. She always says how she doesn't want me and how I runed her life. I hate my dad he was never there for me and everybody on his side of the family are out of the picture. So I don't know what to do but I am done with being treated like crap by my mother and my father.
    So if anybody could help me that would be great :)
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Aug 15, 2013, 07:16 AM
    No, sorry, both your parents would have to release you to foster care, and the government would have to be willing to foot the bill.
    (You might be VERY disappointed by the family you get, who might just take you for the money, which isn't much, so you could easily get nothing but food and a roof over your head, and not much in the way of love either.)
    Please tell us more about your unhappy situation and maybe we can help you live through it until you are on your own.
    It sounds like your mother takes all her troubles out on you - I wonder if you are able to appreciate the struggle she has, supporting the two of you? At 13 on a school night, you should be finishing homework and going to bed, with your dishes washed and clutter out of the way. I know that sounds like I'm taking her side, and I am - but I'm taking your side too.
    Tell us more about the man you barely know - maybe he actually is a nice guy?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Aug 15, 2013, 07:58 AM
    No, this is not good, ( from your side of it) but it is not physical abuse

    And at 13 you should have house clean for her, and have eaten and ready for bed when she gets home.

    And yes you do not know him, so he may be great, make it easer at home, you do not know till it happens.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #4

    Aug 15, 2013, 09:55 AM
    You don't mention relatives on your mother's side of the family.

    Is your father and his family out of your life because they chose to be or because your mother has not encouraged their participation?

    Are you currently in school or about to go back to school? If so, talk to a guidance counselor.

    Foster care may look good to you, but that is only because you haven't been through the system. As bad as life feels right now, it is no where near the problems you would have as a ward of the state. Even in the best foster homes with the most caring people available, it is a life of not knowing where you will be living, what school you will be in, etc. Many of the children act out because of their own backgrounds and insecurities. It is not a stable environment though there are those who try.

    Do you know the saying about the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? Actually, it isn't. The greener grass will always be where you put in the work and effort to make it better. It may seem like you don't have much going for you and your situation, but you really do have a lot of possibilities if you let yourself see them.

    You may not know this man very well, but do you have any reasons to dislike him? Is there a chance that he might help your mother find happiness inside herself which might improve how she interacts with you?

    Cleaning and schoolwork might not sound like helpful advice but it is. Don't do it for your mother. Do it for yourself. They are little things that can add up when it comes to building up your self-esteem. It can feel good to be able to cook for yourself and clean floors feel good to the feet. Keeping up your grades and paying attention to what you are being taught now can help you prepare for when you are older and able to move out. Your mother may not notice or be positive. She might still say negative things, but that isn't the reason for doing them. It is knowing inside yourself that you did a good job. You hold on to those seeds and nurture them.

    Do you have any good moments with your mother?

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