Ok, I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and I still haven't told my parents because I know they aren't going to approve of the age gap. He's 6 years older than me. I'm totally crazy about him and I don't want to lose him, what's the best way to tell my parents?
Also my so called best mate isn't being very supportive of the relationship, she's always saying things like 'why does he want anything to do with you', I'm not a very confident person to start with and I don't need my mate saying things like that to me, what's the best way to tell her to back off without being too mean?
Please help :)

First, you do not need friends that are not supportive of you.

As for the boyfriend - how old are you? Is he an adult? More info is needed about your situation.

I'm 16 nearly 17 and he's 22, so everything is legal! I know it seems like a big age gap but everything just feels so right!

Actually depends on where you live at, that is not actually "legal" in all places

But it is legal where I live

If it's legal then why are you afraid to tell your parents?

There is more than just a 6 year age gap in this situation, you are still a child, he is an adult, your maturity levels are so different at this age that it might as well be a 20 year gap.

I can understand why your parents would be upset, I would be too if my 16 year old was dating a 22 year old.

Here's the thing though... your friends and family often have a vibe about the person you are seeing... Have you asked her why she would say those things? Why she doesn't like him, etc. Don't discount the fact that they don't like him... there is usually some valid concern when a 22 year old is dating a 16 year old...

How/where did you meet...

As far as your parents are concerned they too are going to have their reason for not approving of the relationship and you need to have a heart to heart with them to determine what those reasons are.

If he is all around a good guy, confessing your relationship may not be as hard as you think...

Do they know him?

When I was 22 I started dating a man 12 years older than me... my parents were furious...
We have been together 7 years now and they all get along...

ConfusedInAK, there is a big difference between a 22 year old dating an older man and a 16 year old dating an older man.

At 16 you don't have the maturity and wisdom to date someone who is already living an adult life. I also have to wonder why a man would want to date a child. I'm sure your parents would wonder that as well.

If you really love him and he loves you, then wait a few years to date each other. When you yourself are an adult then you can make this decision for yourself, until then, your parents have allot of say in it.

Good luck.

I know that... that is why I said she is still a child in his eyes...

But I do have friends from high school that dated 20 something's and married them...

I think your parents have to be a part of this and hiding is wrong.

I think it is all going to have to do with how they met, where they met, what kind of guy he is etc...

I guess I'm just overly cautious. I too dated an older guy when I was 16, when I refused to have sex with him he smashed my head into the windshield of his car. When the windshield broke he got angry and proceeded to beat me up. I still have the scar on my forehead.

Oh, he was a great guy, polite, well dressed, good job, my parents liked him even though they were a bit concerned about the age difference, he was 21.

I just have to wonder why a 22 year old would want to date a child, because at 16, that's what you are.

OP, in the long run we cannot decide for you, and I hope that everything goes okay. I always say that there are some lessons you don't have to learn the hard way, some things you can learn from others mistakes.

Take care and keep us posted :)

My ex (15 years old) dated a 21 yr. old before me...
When I first heard this, I was a little 'creeped out' by it, for lack of a better term. From what I hear, the 21 year old was "horny" (quoting my ex) even though she dated him when she was 15/16. Everything they did was within the law, but still... 15 and 21? Sure, it is only 6 years, like you, but that is a HUGE 6 years. The maturity, sexual desires, and general life is very different for those two ages. Look at it as grade 10 of high school vs. 3rd year of university.

This 21 year old scared her off because he was talking of kids, marriage, a home... These are resonable things to think about at 21 years old. HOWEVER, for a 15 year old, it isn't. So she left him because of that, along with a few other reasons I won't mention.
That is a big thing you should look out for.

I wouldn't support the relationship, personally I think that the age difference is too big.


BUT, to answer your question,
Just sit down with both your parents, and explain why you like him so much. Explain that you two 'love' each other, and that you have been together for 6 months, and are still going strong. Show them that you two are happy, and you have something good.

Bottom line, you HAVE to tell them eventually, so it might as well be now.

If they say no, accept the fact that you two may have to break up. Prepare for that. But you can't go one like this, hiding it from your parents. I bet it puts a tonne of stress on your relationship, right? Think of how nice and easy it would be if you didn't have to hide it from your parents. On the other hand, they may not approve, then you will have to move on.

As for the friend, just tell her. You'll find the words. "(Friends name), I consider you my best friend, and your approval means a lot to me. I want to know why you disapprove of my relationship with (boyfriends name). Please understand that I love him and he loves me, and we are happy together." Something as simple as that would help a lot.

Good luck,
And let us know how it goes.

Thanks for all your help and opinions, I'm going to tell my parents and see what happens!! Thanks again xxx

Good luck, and let us know how it all turns out.
:)

My aunt started dating this guy she was 15 and he was about 21 I think. Same age gap anywayz he got her pregnant after 3 years or so and then left her and doesn't even care. I'm not telling you to dump him but do be careful but if you feel different about him tell him and see how it goes.

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice x

Just to lets you guys know I've told my parents, as you guessed they weren't too happy, but they've accepted him into the family and everything is fab! Thanks for all your advice xxx

HEEYYY!
That's great.

And trust me, now that you don't have to sneak around with him, the relationship will move so much smoother, and you two will be much happier.

I'm glad it all worked out!
And good luck to you two!

Yeah, now everything feels so much easier! Thanks again x

That's a big age gap and its not lagel.It would be hard in the relationship because of the miturity level.Ya 22 and 17 not a good match.Really its not a good idea to be with someone oder because he can't relate to you like a younger boy could.But then again its your life not mine so its all up to you but you should tell your parents.Its better they find out from you then hearing it from someone else.
Hope that hepls good luck!

Unsure, welcome to AMHD. If you look at the top of the page, left hand side, you'll see the date that this thread was posted. If you look at the left hand side of the last post you'll see how long this thread has been inactive.

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